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Insanely afraid of childbirth - Page 2

post #21 of 27
Originally Posted by rparker View Post
Also I'm really, really sorry if my last post came across as overly judgmental or preachy or absolutist... that wasn't my intent at all, but it's really easy for me to get carried away.
FWIW, I didn't read it that way at all. I thought you said some very interesting and useful things. I, too, get very angry when everyone really hams up their childbirth stories. And I'm not saying that no one has traumatic or painful childbirth experiences. I just think that a lot of women do have a tendency to exaggerate, in a clubby sort of way. Like a bunch of old men exaggerating the size of the fish they caught. Which is great if you're part of the club and participating in the conversation and caught a whopper of your own... but how is the painful and traumatic childbirth story supposed to help a woman who has never gone through childbirth? Especially since I don't think it is that way for many women, and I don't think that it needs to be.

I'm really glad that you shared your story. I wish more women would share the good parts of childbirth, instead of just concentrating on the bad.
post #22 of 27
Thread Starter 
Just checked in on this thread and ... wow! SO much great advice. I love hearing all of your personal stories. It helps so much. I am gradually working through my fears. A key part of it for me will be remembering to focus on the moment and not try to "control" every aspect of the birth: don't fight it, just go with the flow, so to speak. I'm currently reading through Ina May's birth stories - one per night before I go to sleep. Very inspirational. I still don't know that I will be able to handle a 100% natural birth, but I'm determined to give it my best shot, and not sweat the small stuff if things don't turn out exactly how I might want in my head.
post #23 of 27
Have you considered working with a hypnotherapist? I think there are probably a lot of things that contribute to fear and maybe working through them under hyponosis would be helpful. Maybe help release some of those feelings of anxiety because fear and pain are really interlinked and it's a vicious cycle.
post #24 of 27
All I have is a piece of simple old-fashioned wisdom for you,

There is no sense in worrying about things that are beyond our control.

These babies are going to be born one way or another. We've just got to put our heads down and get through it, we don't have a choice.
post #25 of 27
Oh... Big hugs to you. I just wanted to say that I agree with all those who have suggested Hypnobabies. I used it for my last birth and though I didn't have the fear factor even before, it really helped reshape the idea of what sensations I was feeling. It was intense, but definitely not painful. I'll be using it again for this birth as well. I also agree with getting to the underlying issues surrounding your fear of birth sensations (or pain). You probably still have time to get into using hypnobabies. I call it getting my mental game on. The fear will only make the sensations turn into pain. It's like walking the edge of a sword. If you lose your balance, it can take you to a place you don't want to be. Also, it's your body. It won't do anything you can't handle. Read positive birth stories, if you don't get hypnobabies then at least get some birth affirmations so it can take you out of the rafters a bit. It's alright if you're afraid right now. It's the unknown to you and once you get through this, you'll be wondering what you were so afraid of. All the best to you and your journey.
post #26 of 27
I've been having some fear issues too (not pain, but other stuff). I didn't buy the whole Hypnobabies course, but I bought the pregnancy and birth affirmations as mp3 downloads and I think they've been helping. I don't feel so panicky anymore and I've only been listening to them for about 3 days.
post #27 of 27
I completely understand the fear thing, I had it with both of my births. Every woman has their own unique and intimate experience of birthing, so I am definitely not giving advice about what would work for you, only sharing a reflection of my own experience and what I learned from it.

The first birth was painful and I felt unsuccessful, because I really wasn't prepared for the whole thing. I had studied a few different methods, but really never worked on exploring the fear piece; if I ignored it then it would go away, right? I think you are brave and honest for being open about your fear! When I began to ask myself what went wrong I decided that I was really afraid that I was going to be a bad mother and that my difficulty was masking the real issue.

So with my second pregnancy, I had the serendipitous experience of finding a "Birthing From Within" workshop in our rural area - I went and it was so inspiring! I ended up getting the book and explored my fears and found coping strategies for the pain. The activities ranged from putting an ice cube on your neck or wrist for one minute and finding ways to cope with the discomfort. The one that worked the best for me was a mental activity where you imagine the pain, what color is it? what does it look like? etc. Everytime I got into that one during the first part of my labor, I couldn't really pinpoint the pain and by the time I did, the contraction was over.

I also know what you mean about the whole 10 cm thing! I finally decided that I needed a visual and I used a baby hat that had cinch ties at the top and through my own deep breathing and slowly using my ring and pinky finger, would open up the hat.

Best wishes to you, and using my favorite Pam England quote from "Birthing From Within": It is hard work and it is painful, but you can do it! Please let us know how it goes.
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