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Originally Posted by SarahMCK072  I forgot to add that maybe they could role play. Role playing the pain she went through while she was so hungry in her previous home ( if she is comfortable with that) might really help her let that pain out. Kids learn and release so much through play and role playing.
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That can really be tricky when a child has a history of neglect and/or abuse, so I recommend speaking with a therapist about the best approach when using role playing. The suggestion about empathy and speaking openly about how the child's history may have affected him/her, of course, is a good one, but a child who has experienced neglect is unlikely to trust/believe the adult based on her word alone.
When my dw and I have fostered kids who have had this type of background, we have done a "snack drawer" that is always very well stocked and to which the child is always permitted to go at will. In some cases, when the child tends to hide or hoard food in their bedroom, we will also give the child a drawer in the kitchen that is theirs alone and in which we will not look (it could even be a locked thing, with the child having the only key). This way they can fill their own drawer from the snack drawer, etc. without worrying about someone coming to take anything or being disapproving.
The fanny pack is also a great idea.
It's also helpful to keep a journal about what is in the fridge when the child's food worries seem greatest. Anything could be a trigger, and it is often something nobody else would notice. For example, not having ketchup in the fridge or the mayo jar being less than half full. Does the child seem to worry more when there is no milk or cheese? When there are no leftovers? Etc. Etc.
At one point, we fostered a little girl who had eaten a lot of canned "spaghettios." This is not part of our own diet, and we had no idea it is what she was used to eating despite having talked with her early on about her favorite foods. She hadn't mentioned it. Our practice is generally to buy nothing we would be horrified to have our kids gorge on, but a week into having this kid, we were still trying to figure out her triggers. We asked her lots of specific questions about the foods she ate at home, and we learned about the "spaghettios." We bought a case of them, and we told her we would always make sure there were at least seven cans available at all times (one for each day of the week). This indeed turned out to be one of her triggers, and even though she didn't eat spaghettios everyday, knowing that she had enough to do so did reduce her worry about the food supply. It is ideal to keep the fridge and pantry very well stocked in general at all times, but if it isn't possible to have that kind of abundance, figuring out if there are any specific triggers to avoid can be helpful.
As folks have said, the regular meal and snack times are critical (in addition to the free-for-all drawer), and additionally, many kids need a visual schedule on the wall so they can keep track of when the next meal or snack is coming. For example, the schedule might be illustrated by photos or drawings and say things like "Wake up," "Breakfast," "Playtime," "Cleanup," "Snack," "Swim lesson," "Lunch," and so forth. The schedule can even be set up so the child can mark each item as it is completed.
It helps also to remind kids of some of the landmarks beyond what is just on the visual schedule that can cue them as to the timing of the next meal. For example, "when I put on my apron, it means I am going to cook you something" or "when it gets shady in the backyard, you will know it is almost time for lunch."
When kids have been neglected, often they have been forced to take on a level of adult responsibilities, including obtaining and/or preparing food for themselves. So while preparing food together is a fun activity for adults and kids, for kids who have been neglected, one should be especially aware in those moments about the child's emotional state. For many kids, being involved in food prep is great and even therapeutic, but in some cases it is better to reassure the child that it is an adult responsibility. We've been known to say to kids, "This is an adult job. You let us do the worrying. We'll make sure your food is ready in twenty minutes." This can also be true for things like shopping and even getting stuff from the garden. It depends on the child, but it is something to look out for. As the child gains trust in the adult's follow-through, s/he will be ready to become involved in these things again little-by-little.
This is one of these things that takes a lot of time and patience, and in some cases, the fear never fully goes away, but with consistency, healing will hopefully occur.
Apparently, most food came from 7/11 before. I think she's handling it really well, but wanted to see if there was anything else she could do that wouldn't be as obvious. I'm sure she'll do therapy, but this all very new.
) and I believe used a case study in that book regarding a child who had been derprived of food and was in foster care to illustrate how her principles worked with a child in that situation. Her methods do work from personal experience, I would definitely recommend taking a look.
