Parents of "spirited" children... anyone out there? - Page 6

[mama*pisces]

So mamas, how do your spirited kids do at bedtime? Mine is usually bouncing off the walls still....our bedtime routine is pretty simple, he usually comes in from outside at 7 PM, at which point we have dinner, then it's bath, brush teeth, jammies, 3 books, cuddle, sleep.

Wow, now that I've typed that out, I realize that I am not allowing enough time for the bedtime routine...I usually aim to have him in bed by 8, or at least 8:30, but the routine hasn't been going very smoothly the past few nights. Either he has been having a meltdown somewhere in there(or blatantly refusing to brush his teeth...still! I remember having that fight back when he was 2) or he has had a lot of trouble winding down, which is what really wears on my patience after a while. And I so dislike ending the day on a bad note... if you have a routine that goes relatively smoothly, please share details and how long it takes from start to finish? I'm thinking that incorporating complete darkness except for flashlights would be good too, especially since it will soon it will be darker earlier.

[Hokulele]

Originally Posted by ariatrance

I think my spirited children are better than other, non-spirited kids in that they are sooooooooooo alive, joyful, and creative. They never stop because they want to absorb everything this life and world has to offer. Who wants to diminish that?! I'd love to be half as energetic and joyful about life as they are just waking up!

Thank you for typing this! I feel the same way!! Most of the time I am aware of feeling this way, but some days (today) I need to hear it!

[SweetPotato]

Hi ladies-- I need to join you, and I need to ask a question. Our dd is going on 5yo, and has always been very intense, sensitive, and slow to warm up. She's a vibrant little handful I'm signed up to take a "Raising Your Spirited Child" class at our local community center this fall, and I'm SO excited about it-- we need some more concrete help and ideas then what I've been able to manage from just reading.

My question is how do your children act differently when you're around versus when they're out alone with dad or others. I was really surprised (defensive at first, but now mainly curious) when my husband told me yesterday that our dd is totally different when I'm not around-- that she's less clingy and shy, and more outgoing, talkative, etc. I think that I expected her to act differently, but I expected that my presence would make her feel safer and more comfortable (I've sah since she was born and feel like we have a very special, close, loving relationship) Any thoughts or observations of your own?

[DaughterOfKali]

Originally Posted by SweetPotato

My question is how do your children act differently when you're around versus when they're out alone with dad or others.

My son actually acts worse when I'm not around. I think it will differ for each and every child.

[Hokulele]

Originally Posted by SweetPotato

I'm signed up to take a "Raising Your Spirited Child" class at our local community center this fall, and I'm SO excited about it

Oh my! How did you find that class??!??!? I am sure they are not offered in my area, but I would move mountains to get there if I found one near me.

Originally Posted by SweetPotato

My question is how do your children act differently when you're around versus when they're out alone with dad or others. I was really surprised (defensive at first, but now mainly curious) when my husband told me yesterday that our dd is totally different when I'm not around-- that she's less clingy and shy, and more outgoing, talkative, etc. I think that I expected her to act differently, but I expected that my presence would make her feel safer and more comfortable (I've sah since she was born and feel like we have a very special, close, loving relationship) Any thoughts or observations of your own?

I think we've been through all phases of this - DD defnitely acts differently around me vs. not around me. She's done both what your DD is doing (shy & clingy, but only with me) and the opposite (acting out with DH more than with me).

I have SAH with her for her whole life, and I am the parent more likely to be understanding when she feels shy etc. I am the parent who is likely to ask her questions and help her verbalize whatever she is feeling (angry, shy etc). So I think that gives her a big safety net in terms of being allowed to have and express those feelings. When she feels shy when she is with me, she can let herself hang on to me and observe others. When she is with DH, I think sometimes she feels more need to dive in and interact with others because her safety net isn't as strong with him. (I don't mean to make it sound like he doesn't feel safe, he just isn't the type to dig into the feelings with her, does that make sense?)

On the flip side, when DD is feeling frustrated, I can sense it coming long before DH can. So often I can diffuse a temper tantrum before most people even know it is on the horizon. DH is getting better at it, but often if I overhear an interaction that is escalating I notice he misses many cues before 1. he finally catches it before she explodes ...or 2. she explodes.

So, that's a long-winded way of saying that I think especially because you are the SAHparent, you are naturally more in-tune with your DD. And that does make you the safest person for her to be herself around, just it manifests itself differently than what you are expecting. It is natural to think that if you feel safe then she should feel less clingy. But I think it is possible that because you feel safe, she feels safe to BE clingy and be ok with that.

I feel like I'm saying a lot of words, but not making sense. I hope you get what my sleep-deprived brain is trying to convey!

[Natalie12]

Anyone want to revive this thread? I could really use the community. My almost 5 year old is wearing me out.

[SweetPotato]

I'm still here and up for a revival!  We've been having a nelly of a time- I could use all the help/commiseration I can get!

[AirMiami]

Someone asked my husband and I how the terrible two's are going, and all we could do was look at each other. Later on, we both laughed when we found out we were thinking the same thing, our daughter has always been going through the terrible two's! From the minute she was born!

[AFWife]

Jumping in! Should we start a thread just for 2011?

[Natalie12]

I think one of the main challenges that my DD has is that she loves to control things. And really, I don't blame her because I do too! We give her as much control as a four year old can take, and I try to let her make as many decisions as possible. 

[3belles]

Funny, I'm  posting here.  5 minutes after joining in on the 'easy' child thread.  My girls are complicated, even for twins.  One of my girls is spirited.  I swear the book Olivia is about her!!!  She really wears me out, and I spend my day with 3-6 year olds!!

[AirMiami]

Hahaha, we always joke that my daughter is Olivia too!