dd going on trip abroad with ex--just need some comfort or commiseration

[La Sombra]

Dd, 3, has never been away from me for more than two nights. Her daddy has her from Sunday evening to Tuesday morning so I really only miss her for one full day. But this summer--on Monday--he is taking her to Europe to visit his family for 12 days. I'm also due to have a baby any day now so I'm feeling super pensive and emotional.

Dd is is the light of my life and I am sick at the thought of not seeing her for all that time. I have no choice, legally, nor do I actually think it's bad that she's going, given the circumstances. I know she will be looked after and that her family there will be so happy to see her. So this isn't really about her. I'm just sick at the thought of how I'm going to miss her and worried at how she'll miss me--especially (for me) during the sensitive postpartum period.

Anyone else gone through this? Any tips? Suggestions? Words of wisdom? Comfort?

TIA!

PS-Her dad has told me I can Skype with her every day if I want, so I certainly plan to keep communication going with her. I'm still dreading it nonetheless.

[meemee]

yes i have been there. my dd who had never been away for me for more than 48 hours last year went abroad with her dad for ten days.

she had a BLAST. yes she missed me. but she had cousins, family and activities so didnt really find time to miss me except perhaps at night. but then she slept with her cousin.

the timing was perfect. i was starting school so it gave me all the free time to catch up with homework and settle in school. to my complete and utter surprise i did not miss her just coz i never really got a moment to sit down.

i just knew in my gut she was having a good time so i didnt feel bad for her. over the weekend i missed her like mad, but i also took that time to do unchild friendly activities so i was busy.

one thing i made sure i didnt do, since dd is v. sensitive. i did not call her. i knew she would miss me if she spoke to me. so i called once and she didnt pick up. but ex had her call me when they were on their way to a safari with her cousins so she didnt have time to miss me. the other time she called i felt the deep sadness in her voice. since then i swore i would never call her but have her call me when she wants to.

however this summer I was gone on a school field trip for a week and she really missed me. i sent her pictures thru email and spoke to her at least 4 times (mainly to check on the pictures) and she really really missed me. however she was in school then so didnt find too much time to grieve.

the ONE thing i discovered was that all that i thought was going to happen did not really happen. i was worried for dd and myself and really it didnt happen.

but hey i wasnt pregnant at that time so didnt have to worry about preggy hormones which always has made me v. clingy.

just imagine the surprise she will have waiting for her when she comes back. and you will be able to totally focus on ds without having to take care of dd too. a perfect babymooning.

[New_Natural_Mom]

I don't think this was smart planning on your ex's part. Your 3 year old will be coming home to a new sibling? I would definitely skype daily or as often as possible so she is kept in the loop and feels like she is a part of this new family.

- When missing her just think about all she is experiencing and how hopefully this will create lifelong memories for her (or great pictures.)