Helpless anxiety: moving out of state for job with kids

[blueholly]

I'm in the middle of divorce & he just wants to fight. Since mid-May, he hasn't paid me any money for anything & I was a SAHM for 10 years. We went to mediation two weeks ago & I'm hoping I'll get a check sometime for child support or anything.

Now comes other issues: He's decided after 9 years of supporting homeschooling that he wants the kids (9 & 3) in school. And that he wants them vaccinated even though he was against it their whole lives. I have no idea how to fight this.

I am embarking on a career that will leave me self-sufficient (enough so) & this has been the plan all along - way prior to us separating - & it was going to require me to spend most of the year in another state (my and his home state where we still have family & friends). I plan now to move permanently in spring when I start my training. My lawyer says absolutely no way will a judge allow me to move the kids with me & I would be forced for him to keep them, and me to see them on school breaks and summer (b/c he works FT, they would have to be in school then - my intended career would have me working only 2-4 hrs a day during the week).

I am sick about it. I cry all the time. I worry all the time. My lawyer said this would only work if my ex can see that by continuing to homeschool, he could have the kids a week at a time every 3 weeks. But he is SO intent on fighting me that I absolutely don't see how he would agree to it.

Never had a relationship with his parents & they have welcomed his new gf into the fold (we only separated in November) so they would be of no use in trying to talk sense into him. They don't even know he hasn't paid me any support in two months.

I'm in KY where the norm is joint parenting.

[MissLotus]

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. I know many exes, including my own, who like to stir up trouble just for the sake of trouble. I'm not sure if you're done with mediation, but your ex should realize that the more self-sufficient you are financially, the less he'll have to pay, so that may be a bargaining chip. But aside from that, I would not take any risk about moving the kids out of state; I know for me the time and distance apart wouldn't be worth it at all. Hopefully you can either negotiate with him, or find alternative means to make it work where you are.

[meemee]

i would talk to the lawyer again if you have proof ex knew about your work plans waaaaaay before the divorce.

if he already knew what was coming up, then there is no reason why you cannot carry on. since your work is only going to take 2 to 4 hours a day i think that better qualifies you for a custodial parent.

this is a slim shot, but something your lawyer needs to stand up for. if your lawyer is not going to fight with you based on the knowledge before then you cant really do anything.

otherwise you will have to give up your spring plans and moving plans if you want to be near your children.