Drug abuse grounds for having DH removed from the marital home?

[2xand2y]

DH is a cocaine addict (sometimes "recovering"). There have been several years long periods of recovery but also several relapses in our decade + marriage.

I currently want to pursue a divorce but our state laws make things difficult. I would like to stay in our current rental (owned by a family member of mine) but he refuses to leave and I have no legal grounds to get him out. We have to file and be legally separated for a year before we "qualify" for a divorce.

I suspect that he is using again and I'm wondering if I get proof (unsure how that would work) if it could help me get the ball rolling.

[doubledutch]

can your family member who owns the house evict him?

[PoppyMama]

if you can prove it you might consider turning him in to the police. I was in a similar situation but I finally made my kids dads life so miserable he left. I would recommend putting away jewelry , money, etc.

[2xand2y]

Originally Posted by doubledutch

can your family member who owns the house evict him?

I had a lawyer look at the lease. If she evicts, it would have to be all of us and she has no grounds. Also, if she turned around and re-leased to me, DH could cause her legal trouble. She has been extremely generous to us and I have no intention of putting her in this position.

I could turn him in to the police but I'm afraid it would affect his relationship with the kids (pretty good at the moment) or cause him to loose the new job he will hopefully get. He is a very functional addict and his functioning well is beneficial to the kids.

[provocativa]

you need to talk to a good divorce atty. where i live, you can file a writ of domicile? something of domicile? and get him kicked out, for drinking or whatever. any way you can document? missing money, erratic behavior?

[Halfasianmomma]

I think that by trying to protect his relationship with the kids and his potential new job, you're keeping him from reaching that all important bottom he needs to hit in order to find recovery. His addiction is what's jeopardizing things, not your actions. At some point, you may need to make some difficult choices--such as leaving the home you currently rent, or calling the cops on him, because the addiction just isn't going to slink away.

As you know, the 3 C's of addiction (You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it) tell you quite plainly that his functioning is only temporary if he's not truly in recovery.

I'm also wondering if you might "get in trouble" legally that is, for continuing to live with him while knowing he's an active cocaine user. Have you considered calling the non-emergency number of your local police department in order to get some advice? It can be an anonymous call.

[russsk]

My mother has been battling a situation like this, though her kids are grown and her husband is not our dad. She filed for divorce 2.5 years ago and has not been able to get her stbx out of the house (they own it together). He's an abusive crack addict (totally "non-functioning" - he was fired from his last job for burning a house down and hasn't worked in almost two years). He moved his convicted rapist brother into the house to intimidate her and has made numerous threats. She went to the police about the drug use, and they advised her not to do anything because he would be back home within 24 hours and would know that she made the call and they couldn't protect her. Nice, huh? Your state may have better laws on the books, but based on my mom's experience I would just say get out and move on.

[2xand2y]

All I can document is that there is TONS of unaccounted for time in his life. He keeps going back to his home state (the only place he has ever bought drugs) to "do work for his mother", but has spent a hugely disproportionate amount of time there vs. what has been accomplished (as reported to me by DH himself). He knows that I want a divorce and states he wants to change but continues the behaviors that I have stated I feel are controlling and emotionally abusive (ie- keeping tabs on my phone records and interrogating me about calls to my friends that were longer than conversations I had had with him that day). Because of his previous history, specifically, turning to drugs when he is out of work and the potential divorce on the table I feel it is highly likely that he is using again.

I've never had any indication of him using while in our current state of residence, so I hope that is enough to keep me from "getting in trouble". Calling the police to inquire is an excellent idea. I will do that tomorrow when the kids are at camp.