If he doesn't call tonight, I swear I will.... ummmm... not be happy (gotta avoid a UAV!)

[StephandOwen]

(Background- ex has been in and out of ds's life, never making a big impact before leaving again, ds doesn't know who he is but ex swears he's changed and grown up and wants a relationship with ds. We are starting slow, with him calling ds twice a week).

So, last Thursday was the first phone call. He talked to ds for 4 minutes. DS didn't know who he was and really wasn't interested in talking. The second phone call was Sunday. Ex actually got really lucky and asked ds what he had done over the weekend. I had taken him to see Toy Story 3 in 3D (for the 3rd time ). DS is obsessed with that movie so he started talking about it. He talked about that movie for the entire phone call (which lasted 54 minutes!!). Around 30 minutes into the call ex was trying to get ds off the phone, saying he would call him Thursday, etc. But once you get ds on a topic he's obsessing over you cannot get him off it. Finally after 54 minutes, ex told ds "I have to go take care of my baby now. I'll call you Thursday" and hung up. Way to make ds feel like he's less important than the other kid DS took it all in stride and was okay. He didn't mention anything until last night.

When I was putting ds to bed last night he asked what day tomorrow (today) is. I told him Thursday. He got all excited and said "Oh good. That means that one guy.... ummmm.... I forgot his name.... ummmm.... oh yeah, Matt, is going to call me so I can finish the Toy Story 3 story!". (When ex hung up the phone ds was reading him the comic of Toy Story 3 that he has so ds wanted to finish reading it to him).

But I swear... if he hurts this boy already there will be no holding back. I know ex. I know he hasn't truly changed. I have a feeling ds is going to get hurt again and it's only a matter of time And there's not a d*mn thing I can do about it

[doubledutch]

i'm sorry. that's so crappy. could you email or text him ahead of time to explain that ds really wants to tell him about this and finish reading the comic to him, not that you should have to explain that, but for your boy's sake?

[rightkindofme]

I've been wondering if he was calling. I hope for Owen's sake that there is a call tonight.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by doubledutch

i'm sorry. that's so crappy. could you email or text him ahead of time to explain that ds really wants to tell him about this and finish reading the comic to him, not that you should have to explain that, but for your boy's sake?

I've thought about that and I might, but of course ex will see that as me being controlling so either way I can't win.

I also thought about if he doesn't call then I'll have ds call him (which he might not answer his cell because it has caller id and he never answers for me anyway but he just gave me his house phone which doesn't have caller id so he or his wife might answer it not expecting ds to be the one calling). Or ds could just leave a message for him on voicemail. We'll see. I'm crossing my fingers that he calls so I don't have to worry about it. I think he probably will because our lawyers are still negotiating things so I don't think he's going to mess up already (if he misses a phone call the deal/negotiating is off and we go straight to court).

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by rightkindofme

I've been wondering if he was calling. I hope for Owen's sake that there is a call tonight.

Yes, he's called twice. The last call ds said something to him about coming to kentucky to visit him (ds wanted him to see Toy Story 3 with him and in a 6 year olds mind the ONLY theater is the one we've gone to.... there simply can't be any theaters in Michigan that show the movie... lol). Ex totally blew ds off and told him that maybe ds can come see him in Michigan in October. (I have my thoughts on that, namely that he shouldn't be talking to ds about stuff like that because nothing has been decided on- he knows d*mn well that the deal is he needs to agree to come see ds here in Kentucky in August or September or I'm not bringing ds to Michigan in October).

But, ds has no idea who he really is. At both calls ds asked who he was and both times ex answered "I'm your dad". DS laughed both times and said "no you're not!". So ex is, apparently, trying to convince him that he's ds's "michigan dad", but he also told him he could call him by his first name (matt) if he wanted to. DS has chosen to call him by his first name because he's totally confused why he has a "michigan dad".

[jimblejamble]

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

But, ds has no idea who he really is. At both calls ds asked who he was and both times ex answered "I'm your dad". DS laughed both times and said "no you're not!". So ex is, apparently, trying to convince him that he's ds's "michigan dad", but he also told him he could call him by his first name (matt) if he wanted to. DS has chosen to call him by his first name because he's totally confused why he has a "michigan dad".

Poor kid - this man has been so out of his life that the kid doesn't even know he has a dad other than your dp!! Poor kid. I don't give a *&%$ about your ex's feelings though - he did it to himself.

[meemee]

hey - i'll join ya.

and i'll be looking for an update today or tomorrow.

AND if he doesnt (oh i so hope not)...

even though you would appear controlling i would tell him exactly what ds told you. talk to ex from your ds's point of view and not yours.

i think your ex needs to know that your son is looking forward to the telephone calls. that its important to him. even if it ends up making you the bitch in his books.

awww this sooo breaks my heart. that a little child is so enthusiastic when anyone takes an interest in them and they connect to some degree. gosh i would be whooping for joy that i found a connection and ex needs to know that he did. and that with O what exactly a telephone call means and that he doesnt forget.

but all this of course depends on what happens tonight.

after he calls - if you so wish - i would call ex and thank him for the calls (to not appear so controlling) and let him know how much the calls mean to O.

and even after that if he still slips up i will castrate even more.

[StephandOwen]

He called DS is currently reading him the comic, right where he left off

Originally Posted by thyra

Poor kid - this man has been so out of his life that the kid doesn't even know he has a dad other than your dp!! Poor kid. I don't give a *&%$ about your ex's feelings though - he did it to himself.

Yeah, and that's despite dp and I telling him over and over again that matt is his dad (I've always told this to ds). We've never told ds that dp is his dad, he decided that on his own. I've even written ds a story about who is who. But none of that seems to help. In his 6 year old mind, a person he rarely sees or talks to can't possibly be "dad".

[meemee]

awwwwwww

may the tides turn... and turn this into something quite sweet. awww how sweetly trusting your little boy is. awww my heart is just melting.

may one day O's dad turn to you - even if on his death bed - and tell you thank you. thank you for the gift of owen. thank you for the gift of teaching him to be a father.

even though his hand is kinda being forced, may this be the beginning to touching o's dad's heart. may he enjoy this precious little child more and more and want to come back for more because he wants to. not because he has to.

[treeoflife3]

I am really glad he called and as someone who hasn't seen or heard from her father in 10 years and hadn't seen or heard from him before that in 11 years (oh yeah, and I'm 21) I hope for Owen's sake he continues to call and really DOES make a change.

[StephandOwen]

ARGH! It is so frustrating to sit back and shut my mouth and let them do their thing. When ex calls ds I give ds the phone and put it on speakerphone (ds won't talk on the phone unless it's on speakerphone... sensory issues and it bugs him to have someone talking directly into one ear). Anyway, I let ds wander around the house and talk wherever he wants while I sat down on the couch doing some of my homework. I heard a few parts of the conversation towards the end and I am far from impressed. DS basically read him the rest of the comic and then ex told him that maybe they can go see the movie. DS got really excited and asked if he could come to our house and watch the movie at the theater where we watched it (because, ya know, there's only one theater in the whole united states that's playing Toy Story 3 right now.... at least in a 6 year olds mind ). Ex got upset and told ds that when he comes to michigan in october then maybe they can go see it. DS kept insisting that the only movie theater that is showing Toy Story 3 is the one in Kentucky.... even went so far as to told ex how to get to Kentucky ("go out of Michigan, through Ohio and when you cross the big bridge then you'll see a sign that says Welcome to Kentucky!"). Ex got really pissed at this and told ds "I've got other things to do. I'll call you on Sunday." and hung up! WHAT?!? Thankfully ds didn't notice ex had hung up and kept blabbering on for a few minutes until I told him to say goodbye (to nobody, because ex wasn't even on the line anymore but I didn't want ds to know that) and then took the phone.

I'm pretty sure ex thinks I'm telling ds to say that he has to come to kentucky (that's the major thing that's in negotiation right now between the lawyers). I have not, and have never, discussed any of our adult issues with ds. DS wants ex to come to Kentucky because this is his HOME. He is excited to share that with ex, like any 6 year old would be, but ex is so blind he can't see that.

[LoveOhm]

(((HUGS))) I know this is very challenging.

[Phoenix~Mama]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

ARGH! It is so frustrating to sit back and shut my mouth and let them do their thing. When ex calls ds I give ds the phone and put it on speakerphone (ds won't talk on the phone unless it's on speakerphone... sensory issues and it bugs him to have someone talking directly into one ear). Anyway, I let ds wander around the house and talk wherever he wants while I sat down on the couch doing some of my homework. I heard a few parts of the conversation towards the end and I am far from impressed. DS basically read him the rest of the comic and then ex told him that maybe they can go see the movie. DS got really excited and asked if he could come to our house and watch the movie at the theater where we watched it (because, ya know, there's only one theater in the whole united states that's playing Toy Story 3 right now.... at least in a 6 year olds mind ). Ex got upset and told ds that when he comes to michigan in october then maybe they can go see it. DS kept insisting that the only movie theater that is showing Toy Story 3 is the one in Kentucky.... even went so far as to told ex how to get to Kentucky ("go out of Michigan, through Ohio and when you cross the big bridge then you'll see a sign that says Welcome to Kentucky!"). Ex got really pissed at this and told ds "I've got other things to do. I'll call you on Sunday." and hung up! WHAT?!? Thankfully ds didn't notice ex had hung up and kept blabbering on for a few minutes until I told him to say goodbye (to nobody, because ex wasn't even on the line anymore but I didn't want ds to know that) and then took the phone.

I'm pretty sure ex thinks I'm telling ds to say that he has to come to kentucky (that's the major thing that's in negotiation right now between the lawyers). I have not, and have never, discussed any of our adult issues with ds. DS wants ex to come to Kentucky because this is his HOME. He is excited to share that with ex, like any 6 year old would be, but ex is so blind he can't see that.

Oh, hon. My heart goes out to your DS. I think any parent that has their stuff together would be able to see right away that your DS is acting genuine with a new friend... wanting to share his home with them.

Your ex can't seem to get past immaturity and see this. So incredibly sad. It seems to me if he were interested in actually pursuing a relationship with Owen, he'd entertain coming to Kentucky without a question because his son asked him to! That should matter!!

I really feel for you and this situation. With a lot of things I have read here and my short experience so far, sometimes the "powerless" Mom feelings suck. We want nothing in the world but to protect our babies, and the fight to do that is so hard and such a hard line between that and being a controlling B.

It seems to me that your UAV is going to sink his own ship. Poor Owen.