"I think when you elevate philosophical issues (food, toys, tv, etc) over actual safety issues, those around you are going to not only be disdainful of your philosophies, but ignore everything else you say, too.
This is what picking your battles is all about- put the stuff that will kill your kid on the top of the list, then stuff that will injure your kid, then stuff that will emotionally harm your kid, then everything else goes below that. "
Improper car seat use or inadequate supervision - life threatening. Spanking, CIO - emotionally damaging. Being told that mommy's going to hell because she doesn't worship Jesus - emotionally damaging.
Sharing what you eat, what do for recreation, what you believe about God with your grandchildren - for me, the benefits of all that stuff outweigh any downside. The relationship developed in that exchange is more important than maintaining absolute control over the foods, images and ideas that my toddlers take in. And the example I give of showing respect for Grandma's values is also very important.
(Again, nontoxic nonfundie safety-conscious grandparents here! And they are very respectful of any suggestions and requests I might make! That most definitely influences my viewpoint!)