What to do about the last name...

[kblackstone444]

I'm only 15 weeks (tomorrow), so it's kinda early, but I'm already thinking about how to go about my baby's last name and I need some thoughts... I'm gonna use fake last names to protect my privacy, but the situation is real.

My last name is "Samson". I'm in the middle of a divorce, but I will be keeping my married last name because I've had four last names in my 34 years, and I've only been married once. (Mom changed my last name a few times as a child.) I just can't change my last name again. My last name at birth was my Grandparents' last name- "Blissful".

My not-quite-ex Husband's last name is the same- "Samson". We are not getting back together, however not legally divorced yet. We're good friends, though.

My former stepdaughter's last name is "Samson" as well. I am still involved in her life.

My son's last name is "Lewis", but he often goes by "Lewis-Samson" or just "Samson". He says he will legally change it to either "Lewis-Samson" or "Samson" when he's an adult.

My baby's Father's last name is "Franklinton". My baby's Father has not contacted me in 4 weeks, however, he has made a big deal that the when "HIS" baby is born, it WILL have "HIS" last name. I left him because he was controlling and abusive, don't plan on putting him on the birth certificate, and because of certain threats and things that have happened, I don't plan on helping him in any way as far as proving the child is his or visitation or custody. Also, his real last name is the kind of last name that will have the child being tormented all during childhood.

I plan on using my birth name, "Blissful" and the baby's last name, but it's also bothering me that me, my son and my baby will all have different last names. Would it be completely over the top and creepy to give my baby the last name I was born with, as well as adding on my married (no longer married, but keeping the last name) name, "Samson", as in "Blissful-Samson" or "Samson-Blissful"? (I just realized the weird combonation of psuedo names I picked- I assure you, the flow quite nicely when the real names are uses.) Also, if I do, would the child be able to use either one separately, as in "Baby Blissful" or "Baby Samson", or would she or he have to use "Baby Blissful-Samson" legally?

The "Samson" or "Blissful" conversation has come up with my ex Husband and he doesn't care either way- he says "Samson" is my name now, too, so he wouldn't be offended if I used "his" family name. I have not broached the subject about the hyphenated version, though.

Thoughts, opinions?

[Just1More]

Personally, I would change your son's name to "Samson", and give it to the baby, too.

That way, everyone has the same last name. You are still technically married, so in most states (all?), your husband is automatically considered the father of the baby. I don't think it's weird at all. It just is what it is.

I know that our culture is changing rapidly, and I also realize that you are used to having different last names. But, I think most people immediately assume negative things when introduced to people all of the same family with different last names. I dunno. I just think it will be easier on your kids, especially in school.

I have a friend who had 4 children, by 3 fathers. 2 of them had one last name, the third had a second, and the fourth would have had a third. That baby's dad was a total deadbeat, though, and the mom convinced him to sign away his rights before she was born. In a very short period of time, the mom met Mr. Right, and his last name happened to be the same as her ex-husbands (very common name). So, now the whole family has the same last name, excepting the third child. I think it's been a healing thing.

[MaerynPearl]

Originally Posted by Just1More

I have a friend who had 4 children, by 3 fathers. 2 of them had one last name, the third had a second, and the fourth would have had a third. That baby's dad was a total deadbeat, though, and the mom convinced him to sign away his rights before she was born. In a very short period of time, the mom met Mr. Right, and his last name happened to be the same as her ex-husbands (very common name). So, now the whole family has the same last name, excepting the third child. I think it's been a healing thing.

WOW! what luck... even if its a common name thats just plain luck!


okay, for my opinion... I agree, find out what your state says about who is babys father... your current-soon-to-be-ex husband may need to sign away parental rights to avoid legal problems with child support and such.

Especially if the divorce is not final until after baby is born. I had to sign a paper during my divorce (as it finalized after I got pregnant, due to my ex not being able to be found for almost 3 years) stating that I knew this child was not my now-ex-husbands. When she is born, DH (whom I married 2 months after my divorce) will automatically be considered (and rightfully!) her father and will be placed on the birth certificate as such.

In any case, if you like the name Samson, keep it and name your baby it too.

Or you can come up with a whole new last name for the two of you. You could even go with Lewis so the two of you are the same as your son (fun thing about post-divorce name change, you can use whatever last name you fancy as your new one... and your baby of course would be allowed to have your last name no matter what it is)

[kblackstone444]

Originally Posted by MaerynPearl

okay, for my opinion... I agree, find out what your state says about who is babys father... your current-soon-to-be-ex husband may need to sign away parental rights to avoid legal problems with child support and such.

Yes, my not-quite-ex Husband will have to sign an "Affidavit of Denial of Paternity" before I can apply for Food Stamps, etc, or they will come after him for child support. Me giving the baby his last name might seriously complicate that, but I really LOVE the last name "Samson".

Originally Posted by MaerynPearl

Or you can come up with a whole new last name for the two of you. You could even go with Lewis so the two of you are the same as your son (fun thing about post-divorce name change, you can use whatever last name you fancy as your new one... and your baby of course would be allowed to have your last name no matter what it is)

I'm not changing my last name again. I can't. I had three last names as a child and now my married last name. I have to carry my birth certificate, plus proof of all my name changes, to prove who I am. It's bothered me his entire life that my son has a different last name as I do, that's why I'm thinking so seriously about using my married name for the baby.

[AmyKT]

You should do what your heart and gut are telling you to do, and it sounds like Samson is the name for you all.

I agree with the pp who said that even though different last names are common in families now, outsiders do often assume negative things at first, or at least they assume a complicated family situation.

My Dh and I have different last names because I kept my name at marriage. It wasn't a big deal until we had our first child, and it's still not a really big deal since she's not in real school yet, but sometimes when I'm doing something involving her, I hyphenate my name so that people easily understand that we are related and that her dad and I are together, even though I'm not legally hyphenated (though I may go that route at some point).

This is just to say that these are issues for people in "conventional" family situations, as well, and I think it's perfectly legit and understandable for you to want to choose one name for all of you, whatever that may be.

[Raen]

Originally Posted by Just1More

Personally, I would change your son's name to "Samson", and give it to the baby, too.

That way, everyone has the same last name. You are still technically married, so in most states (all?), your husband is automatically considered the father of the baby. I don't think it's weird at all. It just is what it is.

I'd do this. Hyphenated names seem like a bit of pain to me, and are going to confuse people. Your last name is Samson. It should be your child's last name, too.

[rparker]

I'd just make it so that you, your son, and the baby are all Samson

[Peony]

My kids have two last names, it is a PIA, half the time they only go by one last name because that is what people use. In her school, they use DH's last name but in her class room they call her by my last name. I don't regret it because them having my name was very important to me as it was to DH, but it is PIA.

It sounds like you love Samson so use it! I understand about using a name that you don't love, I could not be Mrs. Dh's LastName, i tried, and it is not me so I am Peony LastName instead, I love it! It doesn't matter if it was your "married" name or not. If you want to do two last names then you could drop one for informal things, I often will just write one last name down for informal things. Their names have no hypen so it is usually do to but I ahve been known to add a hypen when I want to make sure that both last names make it onto a final document.

Good luck, baby ba[]y helping type, excuse typos

[Adaline'sMama]

Maybe I missed this somewhere in the post, but have you asked your ex what he thinks about his new baby being Sampson? My mother did this when she and my father were getting a divorce and she had my brother (who was not his, and she left the new baby daddy pretty quickly) He has always been pissed about a guy having his last name who is not his son, or in any way related to him. However, my father was the last male in the family and had two daughters, so he was kinda mad that the name is being kept alive by someone that isnt really a relative. And our name was pretty uncommon.

[JessieBird]

Originally Posted by AmyKT

You should do what your heart and gut are telling you to do, and it sounds like Samson is the name for you all.

I agree with this - it sounds like staying attached to Samson is a great solution. I also feel that hyphenated names can be a mouthful or get complicated but if they flow well together and it sounds natural, then yours could really work. If you choose to hyphenate, I'd do Blissful-Samson rather than the other way around. I like that your first son may want to hyphenate his name some day too.

Another variation is to either use Blissful as a middle name and Samson as a last name, or Blissful Samson as the last name without the hyphen (both of these options would look the same written down). I've done the latter for myself because the hyphen looks funny in my particular case and so that I can drop one name or the other depending on the circumstance (by law where I live some official documents can only have my birth/married name, while in other cases it is more convenient to use only DH's last name which we've chosen as our "family unit" name, and at work and at the bank, etc, I use both names with no hyphen - sounds confusing but it's actually really practical!)

[MaerynPearl]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama

Maybe I missed this somewhere in the post, but have you asked your ex what he thinks about his new baby being Sampson? My mother did this when she and my father were getting a divorce and she had my brother (who was not his, and she left the new baby daddy pretty quickly) He has always been pissed about a guy having his last name who is not his son, or in any way related to him. However, my father was the last male in the family and had two daughters, so he was kinda mad that the name is being kept alive by someone that isnt really a relative. And our name was pretty uncommon.

OP said hes still good friends with her and totally cool with her using the last name.

[Qbear'smama]

I agree with everyone that you should use Samson for everyone, esp if you aren't going by your birth name. I had a hyphenated last name growing up and I didn't like it, it was long and cumbersome I ended up just using one of them, my father's name. When DD was born, I decided immediately that she should have a simple last name, DH's and I use Mrs. Lastname in school even though that is not technically my last name it's waaaaaay easier.

Oddly enough, my mother had my sister when I was 12 and my parents were long divorced, but she gave my sis the same last name as me(hyphenated ) because my sis's dad was a deadbeat and she didn't put him on the birth cert either. My dad didn't care at all. Kinda weird, but in the end, my sis ended up using my mother's last name of the two hyphenated so now we don't have the same last name anyway . So complicated!! Go with Samson and be done with it.