Confused about "forceful" vs. normal retraction

[subelite]

I understand that forceful retraction is painful, harmful and unneccessary on an uncirced penis. Today at my son's 9 month checkup the health practitioner pushed back on my son's foreskin before I realized what was going on. She was not forceful and my son didn't act as if it was uncomfortable at all. She pulled back enough to expose the head of the penis.

I understand that with time, the foreskin will naturally easily pull back and at that point the boy/adolescent/man will begin to clean his penis as part of his hygiene routine.

So, how do you know when its time to start cleaning the penis? If it isn't painful to pull back the skin, then is it causing future problems? How does a parent determine when its the right time or do you just let the boy tug on it on his own as he grows? My boy really didn't act like this was painful at all. I can tell this forum is dedicated to never pulling back on the penis foreskin on an infant, but I'm getting mixed messages when researching the subject. Going forward, I'm going to be on guard and tell any practitioners to leave any penis handling to the parents, but what do I need to do as a parent to make sure its the right time?

Thanks,

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

The boy should always be the one to push it back when he wants. This thread http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=575627 in resources explains what retraction is and why it should not be done by anyone but the boy.

Unless my ds tells me or I just happen to see him retract I wont know when he becomes totally retractable nor do I need to know. At this time he is about half I know that because of bath time. He is 5yo.

The advice on cleaning is while you have to do it wash like a finger and never retract. Once your ds is old enough to understand instruction have him push back and rinse with clean water. It isnt necessary at all to wash under the foreskin until puberty but it is a good habit to get into.

[subelite]

What if the skin doesn't start pulling back until they are too old for supervised bathtime? Then do you just occasionally ask them about the state of their penis skin so you can instruct them how to clean it?

[La Sombra]

May I butt in and ask a question? Why is the doctor looking at a 9-month old boy's penis anyway?

I ask because I'm about to give birth to a baby boy and I am wondering when and how to be prepared for the doctor to try a forcible retraction. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't remember the doctor examining my daughter's vagina when she was nine months old.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Well the foreskin has give from the beginning so you have them pull that back as much as possible and then explain over time it will go back farther.

Honestly he will figure it out on his own in the bath that it retracts and most boys will let you know just because they find it neat. I know ds found it extremely so when it started to go back. He said look mommy I have a new butt and I explained that no it wasnt a butt it was the head of his penis

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Originally Posted by La Sombra

May I butt in and ask a question? Why is the doctor looking at a 9-month old boy's penis anyway?

I ask because I'm about to give birth to a baby boy and I am wondering when and how to be prepared for the doctor to try a forcible retraction. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't remember the doctor examining my daughter's vagina when she was nine months old.

Many Dr. just cannot keep their hands off of and intact penis. They feel like they have to do something to it for whatever reason. The best thing you can do is from day one at the ped. is to explain that you have read about intact care and you are not comfortable at all with them touching his penis. They may look at you oddly or come off with some excuse but you just have to stand firm and assure them that if there is a problem you will let them know.

There is nothing they need to see in there. If there is a problem like hypospadias it will show up without retracting. If it dosnt it isnt bad enough to worry about any way.

[eepster]

Since there is no pressing need to retract the foreskin, it is best simply left alone. Though sometime when a parent or Dr retracts a young boys foreskin everything is fine, it carries risk. It can cause tearing and scarring. There is even a risk of it causing paraphimosis which is a very serious problem that may even necessitate a dorsal slit. Washing under the foreskin isn't an issue till puberty, before that it is completely unnecessary.

The only thing the Dr needs to do with an intact penis of an infant is lift it out of the way to get at the testicle to check to make sure they are descended. If you do not trust your Dr to do this without getting curious, then you can either offer to lift the penis yourself or just decline the testicle check and ask the Dr what you need to look for.

[momofmine]

But so, just to clarify, they do need to pull it back once they can, around puberty, to rinse with plain water in the shower maybe? My son is 11 and I don't think it retracts at all, but I haven't asked him recently.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by momofmine

But so, just to clarify, they do need to pull it back once they can, around puberty, to rinse with plain water in the shower maybe?

It isn't necessary, but most men prefer to.

[Greg B]

Originally Posted by momofmine

But so, just to clarify, they do need to pull it back once they can, around puberty, to rinse with plain water in the shower maybe? My son is 11 and I don't think it retracts at all, but I haven't asked him recently.

There are some men who naturally have foreskins too tight to retract. They never retract, of course, and are perfectly fine. So it is not needed in that sense.

However, most guys can retract at some point, and when they can, will then rinse with water during their shower or bath. But urine alone can do a pretty good job of keeping things fairly clean without any retraction occurring, which is how many living in situations that do not allow showers and baths often deal with it.

Since most in our society are highly concerned with cleanliness, most prefer to retract and rinse in the US.

Regards

[subelite]

In my case, the Dr. was examining the testicles because my son has had hydrocele of the testicles since he was a newborn. Consequently, I would not have known about the hydrocele without the Dr. examining his privates because I had never seen infant testicles and didn't know anything was "wrong."

However, as the others have pointed out, the practitioners seem to think that examining the intact penis is necessary. I have not met a single health practitioner who has told me to leave the foreskin alone. This includes my very liberal team of midwives so its a shame that the medical field has such a skewed view of foreskin care. Therefore, I am now learning that I have to be armed before anymore medical visits to tell them not to touch his penis which is a shame. I don't want to deal with a fight of right vs. wrong each time he gets a checkup but oh well. It just scares me that I might one day let my guard down and a health care provider will hurt him. Luckily, yesterday's incident was not painful for my boy but it still makes me sick that I wasn't on guard for the incident.

[NSmomtobe]

Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X

It isnt necessary at all to wash under the foreskin until puberty but it is a good habit to get into.

This is what I thought. If you notice them retracting earlier, you can tell them how to rinse in order to get them into the habit. If not... I know that my father had the hygiene talk with my intact brother when he reached puberty. He told him that if (or when) he was able to pull the foreskin back, he should rinse under it in the shower or bath.

[momofmine]

Thank you!

[Tiana]

Originally Posted by subelite

What if the skin doesn't start pulling back until they are too old for supervised bathtime? Then do you just occasionally ask them about the state of their penis skin so you can instruct them how to clean it?

Would you occasionally ask your daughter about the state of her labia or vagina to be sure she's cleaning 'correctly'?

Contrary to what appears to be the common belief, the foreskin is not a ticking time bomb. The penis, like the vagina, is self-cleaning. It's never necessary to wash under it (in the sense that if he doesn't, it's going to fall off or something). Many men chose to, just like many women chose to clean inside their vagina, but it's not needed. Personally, I don't think there needs to be any big 'lesson' on how to clean his penis, or any need to get him into a 'habit'. I don't remember any big lesson on how to clean my genitals from my mother. I don't know any woman who has, yet we all seemed to have figured out that if we feel dirty, clean (we have many more folds down there, and still somehow manage). Boys/men are just as capable of figuring out this whole cleaning thing without a tutorial.

So, as to the original question of when is it time to retract and clean, I would say never for the parent, and whenever he feels like he wants to for the boy himself.

[Fyrestorm]

I would think that most boys who discover that the foreskin is retractable, will do so in the shower with no prompting from anyone...like a new toy!

[aihley]

My little foster brother discovered his was about halfway retractible when he was 4ish. (Incidentally, his younger brother was circ'd and there was never an issue between them of why they were different). He was quite eager to show us and ask what it was.

[serendipity22]

I don't like the term forcible retraction. Its better just to say retraction. Adults should never be retracting a boy's penis.

The trouble with the term forcible it implies some retraction is ok. Its not. And NOBODY thinks they are being forcible, everyone thinks of themselves as being gentle, whether they are or not.

Adults need to learn to keep their hands off.

[kms7z]

i'm so glad this has been posted. I am very very confused. we have my son's 4 month checkup in 2 days and I am dreading it (yes, i know i need to find a new ped!!).

so, with my older son who is now 3 I haven't ever really done anything with his foreskin. The Ped would (but I don't think she has since he was under 1 year old) retract it. He wouldn't react at all, so no pain obviously. I don't even think the hole was big enough for it to fully retract.

Now with my 4month old she did her speech at his 2 month appt about pulling it back to clean it. This was seconded by a friend of mine who is in med school. I admit I did try pull it back to clean, but there wasn't much to pull back because the hole was not big enough-- however the skin is loose so it moves around etc. It sounds like from this thread I shouldn't even be doing that even though it is not "forced," i.e. forcing it back to expose the head? WebMD just says to not forcibly retract it.

lastly-- are there any website with pics? i am just confused. my baby brothers were both circumsized so i haven't had any experience with intact boys other than my own.

[brant31]

As one with the anatomy in question, I'm confused that people are confused. If you just wipe off or rinse your son in the same direction that urine flows, that's all that's needed. As a rule of thumb, just don't tug, slide or move any skin in the direction back toward his body and you'll both be fine.

If it occurs to you at your son's wedding that you've never seen his glans, that's normal. (Well, the not seeing it; maybe not the wondering about it. )

[Fyrestorm]

Originally Posted by kms7z

i'm so glad this has been posted. I am very very confused. we have my son's 4 month checkup in 2 days and I am dreading it (yes, i know i need to find a new ped!!).

so, with my older son who is now 3 I haven't ever really done anything with his foreskin. The Ped would (but I don't think she has since he was under 1 year old) retract it. He wouldn't react at all, so no pain obviously. I don't even think the hole was big enough for it to fully retract.

Now with my 4month old she did her speech at his 2 month appt about pulling it back to clean it. This was seconded by a friend of mine who is in med school. I admit I did try pull it back to clean, but there wasn't much to pull back because the hole was not big enough-- however the skin is loose so it moves around etc. It sounds like from this thread I shouldn't even be doing that even though it is not "forced," i.e. forcing it back to expose the head? WebMD just says to not forcibly retract it.

lastly-- are there any website with pics? i am just confused. my baby brothers were both circumsized so i haven't had any experience with intact boys other than my own.

Some links to read and share with your misinformed Doc...

http://www.asnatureintended.info/3/p...tact-care.html

http://www.savingpenises.org/articles.html

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcisi...q.html#anchor2

Probably, the only problem you will encounter with the foreskin of your intact boy is that someone will think that he has a problem. The foreskin is a perfectly normal part of the human body, and it has very definite purposes, as do all body parts, even if we do not readily recognize them. There's no need to worry about your son's intact penis.

http://www.mothering.com/health/prot...advice-parents