husband works out of town 4 days a week

[junomend]

my husband has been working 4 days out of town for a year and it is difficult mostly because I have to be the disciplinarian for our 14 year old son and it seems to be getting harder and harder. After my son finishes 8th grade, considering moving to the small town where my husband works even though the schools here are better and I live across the street from my sister now. Having such a hard time deciding what would be best for son and us. Help

[buttercup784ever]

My dh's dad worked off shore when he and his siblings were young. Up until he was in college his dad worked 2 weeks in and 2 weeks off. My husband said he didn't really mind, but his two younger brothers have A LOT of abandonment issues that have manifested into drug and alcohol problems. There were other things going on for sure, but dh thought this was enough of an issue that he said from the beginning of our marriage that he wouldn't work that way long term.

So I'd say, some kids can handle it and some kids can't.

[junomend]

thanks for the feedback...it's helpful and nice to know someone is out there

[2timestrouble]

Hi,
My husband have travel for work for long time, some times he will be traveling from Sunday to Friday for a month and then spend a week working in our town and back to traveling for 2 months, etc.
Some times we have problems understanding each other. When he comes home he is tired for the pressure he is as the only provider (money ways) in our house hold, and I am tired of being taking care of the house and our 2 kids (12 and 2).
I expect things from him like take care of the kids so I could have a break, but he is tired and want to enjoy the kids instead of yell because he will be leaving again in 2 days.
I think we both are right, but even if I understand his side I still have trouble dealing with it. The best we have come to fix it is that I do an extra efford to let him rest next morning after he came back and wake up late. But after that he lets me rest and take care of the kids.
I wish we both have the energy so we don't have to rest and can enjoy time together as a family and not need time to rest, lol.
Some weekends we both suck it up and just go out with the kids even if we both are tired and sometimes we (me and him) stay at bed and let my 12 year old taking care of the 2.
The only thing I will not allow your husband to do is to play "good cop" all the time, you guys are team. He doesn't need to scream at the guys all the time but he needs to agree with you and let your kids know that he supports you 100%
I understand why my husband is afraid to be the bad one, he barely gets to see the kids and he is always afraid the 2 year old would stop loving him and he is afraid that she gets to see him only on bad moments. He also understand why I should always be the bad one. So, we both are a team and only sometimes we get to play good cop-bad cop (only in the very bad things when we need to brain wash our kids, lol).
I know is difficult what I am going to say, specially because even if I really believe it I have to keep repeating my self to do because is not easy:
Your kids will grow and leave to live their own life, but your husband and you will luckily spend the rest of your days together.
Don't let the stress of the kids end up your relationship, I am not saying suck it up all, but pick up your battles, like I said this is more easy to say that to do, but I hope you get better at it then I do.
talk to your husband, ask him to be a team and not so much of a good cop and a bad cop, ask him to give you breaks to, because a happy mom is a better mom.
Take care.