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Not Good...

post #1 of 15
7/30/10 at 1:32pm
Thread Starter 
Things are not good here right now. The baby and kids are fine, but me and DH are not. I haven't really been able to eat in 2 days which can't be good. I posted a more detailed thread over in Parents as Partners, but... any prayers or good thought would be really appreciated right now...

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post #2 of 15
7/30/10 at 1:55pm
Ah Rachel, what a yucky situation. I read your other post. His behaviour is definitely immature but that doesn't make it any less inappropriate and disrespectful of your marriage. I'd say he crossed an especially thick and dark line when he lied to you about calling her - I can see how he could excuse away seemingly innocent flirting in his own mind but there is no way to sugar coat lying to your wife. I don't have any advice on how to get him to understand how hurtful his behaviour is but I would also encourage you to go to counselling. Especially if you are having trouble eating now, you need to look out for yourself first and the relationship second. It doesn't sound like you are ready to leave yet so I don't think you're doing the wrong thing by staying...though maybe taking your mom up on the plane ticket offer for an extended visit might be a good idea. You need to focus on you and the baby and your children, he needs to come to his senses and realize how much you mean to him. Sorry if this is simplistic, I'm not really sure what to advise. Just wanted to let you know that we're thinking of you.
post #3 of 15
7/30/10 at 2:00pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks I really appreciate the thoughts... I am not ready to leave, this is very true. And I totally agree that a HUGE line was crossed when he lied to me. Like, really? Chip away the trust even more dude... He is deploying in a few months so I REALLY don't want to leave right now, the kids need this time with him and I am going home once he deploys for basically the whole deployment. His last deployment brought about a lot of really good changes, so I have some hope that this deployment might do the same. It will either make us or break us for sure. I just don't know what to do now... there is no good answer and no good solution.
post #4 of 15
7/30/10 at 2:35pm
No advice, but I couldn't read without giving you some
post #5 of 15
7/30/10 at 2:49pm
awww rachel! I just read this and the other thread... I had no idea I'm really sorry
DH and I are having issues too but nothing that includes other people (although there has been talks about possiblities so yeah... ) and it breaks my heart that you guys are having problems.

It makes my blabbering to you about the books we are reading seem kind of awkward.. but I'm happy to give you the titles... the one we like is designed for people to read alone too if they want.

Otherwise, you know my number so use me if you need to! Same as next time we are online together... I'm here for ya
post #6 of 15
7/30/10 at 4:09pm
I'm sorry hon
post #7 of 15
7/30/10 at 5:16pm
I'm so sorry. Thinking of you and sending thoughts of maturity to your DH.
post #8 of 15
7/30/10 at 8:26pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks guys... this is just such a sh*tty time for him to spaz out ya know? I know that there a lot of factors here but he doesn't get to be an butt munch just because he is stressed!
post #9 of 15
7/31/10 at 10:40am
another mama with no advice but lots of
post #10 of 15
7/31/10 at 12:02pm
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, especially at this stage of your pregnancy, and knowing that another deployment is coming up (I read the other post). I don't have any good solid advice other than counselling (which you've already thought of) but I wanted to offer support because I know this situation would really tug at my heart. You do need to take care of yourself first and foremost.
post #11 of 15
7/31/10 at 12:08pm
Thread Starter 
Thank you so much guys... we have been talking more and I think he might be starting to get it. At least I hope so. He actually spent most of the day yesterday with me and ignored her phone calls and we just hung out and stuff. Hopefully we can make if through this. I really appreciate all the kind words and support.
post #12 of 15
7/31/10 at 1:34pm
Rachel, just want to offer my support and let you know I'm sending positive thoughts and vibes your way.

He's acting VERY immature and I'll be honest, this type of behavior hits very close to home for me because my first husband (ds's bio Dad, he's been adopted by dh now) did the very same things to me. He eventually cheated. Not saying that is where your relationship is headed, just that you are doing that right thing by staying right on top of this and letting him know how you feel. When something feels "off" - it is. My very best advise is to never ignore your instincts or let him talk you out of them.

I'm so very sorry you are having to deal with this on top of the pregnancy and two very young children. I really, really hope your dh can grow up and realize that his family is worth so much more than the attention and flirting with some random lady.
post #13 of 15
7/31/10 at 1:47pm
Thread Starter 
Thank you I did make it very clear to him that this is his last chance, if anything like this happens again or if he disrespects our relationship like this again I will be gone. I know he CAN be different, he just... spazzes out sometimes. Whatever, all I can do is work on ME and bettering myself and hope that like you said he realizes what he has. If not then we are better off without him anyway, though I truly hope it doesn't come to that!
post #14 of 15
7/31/10 at 2:28pm
DDCC

I wanted to send you some good thoughts Mama! 2 years ago DH and I went through something similar. It's rough, and I actually *did* leave for 8 months. DH chose his family and has stepped up in so many ways that I honestly didn't know he had in him. I wish you peace, either with him or without him. Just remember, all is not lost they can surprise us sometimes.
post #15 of 15
8/1/10 at 12:27am
Thread Starter 
Until he TELLS me he doesn't want to do this anymore then I am not giving up hope. I ended up giving him an ultimatum of sorts today... basically told him that he could talk to her if he wanted but that his friendship with her and our marriage could not coexist. He seems to have gotten the idea, I also made it extremely clear that if he DOES start talking to her again or if a situation like this comes up again he doesn't get another chance.

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