UPDATE!! pg 2 Feeling sad... DH's family not happy about pregnancy - Page 2

[rightkindofme]

My parents-in-law are... lukewarm at best towards us having children. So much so that my 26 month old daughter has never met them. We have invited them to do so but other things are always more important. (They are independently wealthy enough that they have never had to work and they live on a multi-million dollar property. They endow tons of money to local charities and such. They could afford a friggin trip.) They haven't asked about this pregnancy at all. My husband only called them and told them because he knew his brother would see our announcement on livejournal. They don't care.

We're just moving on with our lives.

[emma2010]

My ILs are extremely happy about this pregnancy although the MIL was worried about my health since I had a miscarriage in October (and became pregnant again in January).

What angers me is my immediate and extended family: my parents more like my mother, my only sibling, my aunt, and one of her daughters. They all were excited about the baby until I told them that the baby is a boy. They started to distant themselves. My cousin even emailed me telling me how sorry she was that I am having a boy instead of a little girl. It has been a little over two months and only once my mother asked me about my pregnancy. I told her my health problems (I have several rare problems and my current problem is a little more common), she told me my problems came from being pregnancy so soon after my miscarriage. She became pregnancy with me very soon too after her miscarriage. BTW, she talked to me b/c she wanted something from me so before she came out asking for a favor, she inquired about this pregnancy.

My very own mother was more excited about helping my aunt preparing for my other cousin's wedding than my own health b/c she flat out refused to come for a visit even just one week but she doesn't mind asking for help/support...from financial help to emotional support. I feel that I have been there for her for all my life and I only ask for help this once and I get nothing in return. So angry.....needless to say, I haven't talked to her since mid-July and feel so much closer to my MIL.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[JFTB1177]

So its been a few weeks and up until yesterday, still had to seen or spoken to dh's parents since dh told them about the PG. Yesterday was my nephew's bd party and I had to go since I didn't want to hurt his feelings (he's 10). Would you believe my MIL and FIL said NOTHING to me or dh about the pregnancy??? And my belly is pretty big now (18 weeks). Nothing! No congrats, no "I heard the news", no "how are you feeling?"... nothing! Some small chat asking about my sister, who just moved to another state, also asked when we are moving (we are moving to another house literally down the street from where we are now bc it is $500 cheaper a month). That was about it. I was in shock... I didn't expect them to act happy but at least say SOMETHING!! I talked to dh and he said he thought it "was weird" too and is going to say something, but who knows if he will. I feel myself getting so angry. MIL never calls or writes to ask how my kids are doing. I know she favors my nephew.

I've had it. My mom called my MIL last night bc she sent her a few books and she said MIL never mentioned the pg, although she made a comment about my ds2 because he yelled when she tried to pick him up (he is 18 months, has major stranger anxiety and MIL is a stranger bc he has only seen her a few times. He's the total opposite with MY mom who watches him all the time, he adores her and always wants her to hold him, and cries when she leaves, ect.) So anyway, bc of how he "yelled" at her, she called him a "little demon" or something along those lines. She was prob joking, but coming out of HER mouth I don't find it funny at all! Then apparently my mom said MIL. Went on to brag about how my SIL was such a "street mother" to all the kids at the party, how she bought everyone pizza and had a sleepover, how she is going to school (she is 35 and is trying to get her nursing degree, whicj I am very happy for her. She is also a single mom to a 10 year old, and my MIL lives with my SIL and her son, and pays most of the rent to my SIL can concentrate on school). The bragging is so annoying though... how about try having two kids under 5 and another on the way? I recently lost my job (laid off) but have gone to school, graduated, and worked through my last 2 pregnancies!! Dh and I work our butts off! Does she think I'm lying around all day, just to get pregnant??? Oh and btw I really am sure now that they look down on us having a "lot" of kids (as if 3 is a lot!). Well guess what???? If our finances improve we plan on having 5 or 6 kids! Hahahaha!

I feel so angry right now... I feel like I really need someone to talk me down

[~Demeter~]

Really not worth letting someone's emotions get yours down. It doesn't matter what they think, like you just said they are practically strangers and not really involved. My family and his were not happy about this pregnancy or my last and possibly even the one before that. Oh well... they don't have to live my life, they don't pay my bills, they don't buy our food and we don't ask them for money to support our kids. So.. yeah.. not worth letting myself get overly upset over a non-reaction. And I would say it's probably better they didn't say anything, perhaps if they had it would have been a bunch of negative remarks. I'd rather deal with nothing than negativity... you know? It's all in perspective..

[JFTB1177]

First off, Emma, I just read your post for the first time. I am so sorry about sh*tty way your fam is treating! That is totally uncalled for, and if it was my mother I would have had it out with her a long time ago! It's a little harder/trickier w in-laws bc I don't want to upset dh so I don't feel free to really speak my mind with them. My MIL was the same with both my boys... she expressed her disappointment both times that they were boys and had little interest in them. Let me tell you something, boys are fabulous (girls are too of course)! I love mine to death, and it doesn't hurt that they are super cute with curly hair and big eyes and get tons of attention. they are sooo sweet and huggy-kissy too, and very smart! Don't listen to your family, a baby boy is such a blessing and its too bad that they will miss out on him. Here is what I would do, go shopping and buy the cutest baby boy clothes you can find, pick a beautiful name. When you talk to your mom or family act soooooooo happy (I know u are, but what I mean is plaster it on thick!) About the baby and how excited you are. Let your mom know that nothing less than joy and excitement can come from her about your new son, or you have nothing to talk about! Sending big hugs!

Demeter- thank you! I can't believe people can be negative about a new baby, you know? And what is wrong with big families? Why are they bad? I don't get it?

[myk]

it can be really heartbreaking. i'm pg with my second after 2 full years of trying (and finally got it right with charting, OPKs, Instead cups, careful timing of intercourse.. in other words, it was hard!) and my family was decidedly lukewarm on the subject. i'm 18w4d right now, and my dad STILL hasn't said a word. my mom gave me a hug. two of my sisters sent me "congrats" on facebook, the other said congrats over the phone.

they're warmed up to the idea now. the phone sis is the only one with bio kids, so she understands pregnancy and its challenges. my mom is now knitting a sweater for the baby, she started when we hit the second trimester.

daddy's family on the other hand are BEYOND EXCITED. the difference is quite striking and DH just couldn't understand why my family was so nonchalant about it. it's hard when half the people you expected really aren't excited. hopefully in time they'll get over it and as the baby's arrival nears, they'll catch up to the excitement.

big hugs!

[JFTB1177]

Myk, so sorry about your family's lukewarm response, ESP since you've gone through so much to get PG! When I got PG with ds2 my in-laws knew that we had 2 m/c's before falling PG with him (they were my 3rd and 4th m/c's) and yet were still not happy for us! It sucks.

Glad to hear your in-laws are so excited (as they should be!). hugs back!

And a BIG CONGRATS on your PG!!!

[beanbean]

As far as not being supported... sadly, I know how that goes. I'm so sorry you're dealing with it, it really, really stinks.

I keep in mind that their time to make these kinds of decisions has passed, and now it's yours. Until they're the ones carrying the baby, giving birth, and raising him or her, their opinion of your choices is irrelevant. "Pass the bean dip..."

Another perspective: I don't think it was kind or helpful of your mother to share this with you. If I were in your shoes I would gently explain to my parents that if my ILs wish to gossip about me again, I hope they will change the subject (i.e. not participate in the gossip), and not share it with me.

[myk]

jftb: i can't believe they wouldn't be happy for you after losses and everything.. is that why they're reserved? i think that might be the case with my mom. she's had 2+ losses including second-trimester. she wasn't thrilled about my first pregnancy but that was because of the circumstances at the time. she was there for DD's birth and every day for the first weeks she came to visit.. so she did, definitely, get into it the moment she arrived. i hope that's the case this time around (i'm confident) and i REALLY hope that's the case for you too. you deserve every celebration for that baby!!!!

[Baby~Braatens~Mama]

For all the momma's here who have to deal with nasty, rude or withdrawn family members during this beautifull time in their lives. We have been dealing with familial drama around our LO as well, but the comments I recieve are from my aunts who are removed from me emotionally and physically so it is easy to blow them off (as hurtfull as those comments are).

I completely agree with "Don't let them steal your joy."

JMHO: If they won't talk to you about your pregnancy, then talk to them! Tell them the details of your appointments, or how you felt the baby move, or the things you are doing to prepare for your new LO. Don't let them pretend that you are not having this child, especially if it is hurtfull. Maybe confront them on their behavior. It may be awkward, and I don't know how comfortable it would be for you guys, but sit them down and the four of you, as adults, talk about this. Maybe they are unaware of their behavior and how it is affecting you and you DH.

[RedOakMomma]

My MIL just asked "so how are you feeling?" (her FIRST mention of the pregnancy) a week ago. I'm 8.5 months pregnant. It's all games.

Try your best to ignore it. If you're angry and hurt, they're getting what they want. If you recognize their childishness for what it is, and don't let it ruffle your feathers, you'll feel much better.