So angry at my body

[milletpuff]

...but this break was supposed to be my chance to "get healthy!" I don't know quite where to put this.

I am struggling so bad with my body. I am so so angry at it! I am trying to work through that, but in the mean time I'm doing all kinds of self-destructive behaviour - most of all I can't stop compulsively over-eating. We aren't trying again until the end of Sept, or maybe Oct. for logistical reasons, but my acupuncturist is excited to have a chance to "rebalance" my body and overall health. All I'm doing is screwing it up, it feels like, which then ends up making me feel worse and eat more.

I hear about people eating vegan or going sugar-free or cutting out gluten and feeling so much better and healthier. I want to do that, do something loving and supportive of my body, but I can't do it for more than a day and then I fall HARD.

I've tried finding an eating support group, I've tried talking about it in individual therapy, I've tried talking to friends about it. I just don't know what to do, and today I am feeling particularly down.

We are still pretty far down on the intervertion ladder: just Clomid and IUIs for now, though we may add a trigger shot next cycle. I just want to feel some sort of love, aceptance, faith in my body. After two chemical pregnancies and well over a year of trying, all I feel [right now] is angry and crappy.

Anyone else been here? And found a way out? Help.

[ILoveMyBabyBird]

Hi, I know it can be hard trying to get healthy, when food is used as an emotional crutch and infertility is making you emotional. I have gone through a bit similar situation. We have been ttc#2 for going on 15 cycles now. I had one chemical pregnancy 10-2009 and i really let myself go after that and i was eating horribly and gained about 20 pounds during the first 6 months of ttc. I decided to get my health back not just for ttc, but for myself, my dh and my ds, so now I am down 25 pounds and trying to stay healthy is my focus. I know it is hard to realize, but we are made for more than just ttc, so just focus on your health. Start out slow, try to walk 30 minutes a day. Try to eat healthy, don't go to extremes if you know that you aren't going to stick with it. Try to eat a balanced diet with plenty of fiber and protein and limit your sweets/junk food.

Good luck!

[collieflower]

milletpuff - I absolutely understand how you feel. I have been TTC # 2 for almost two years now, with a couple of miscarriages. I know perfectly well that eliminating sugar, dairy and wheat will likely help, but I can't do it for more than 1-2 weeks at a time. I am so self-disciplined for a while, and then something happens to trigger my emotions (this week it was a friend announcing pregnancy number two) and then I just fall wayyyy off the wagon. I just returned from lunching on a huge, creamy plate of wheat pasta topped with cheese. I find myself using crazy reasoning like "well, nothing is going to help me get pregnant, so why bother avoiding all the food I love".

Anyway, I don't have any great words of advice, mostly just commiseration. The one thing that I have found helps me is to try to stick to the healthy eating 80% of the time. For me, 100% is just too much and I beat myself up if I eat something I 'shouldn't'. So I try to just focus on eating well 80% of the time.

Good luck!

[oceane]

we've been trying for 2 years now with no success. In the beginning I was oll over the herbs and teas and supplements but now I don't buy any of all that anymore and I also struggle with negative emotions. I like what pp said about the 80% rule. I try to not buy chocolate/sweets during the week and then get some on the weekend. What helps is to get something that my partner will also eat so that I don't have a chance to devour the entire bar of chocolate. I also started doing yoga because I've heard that it can improve your relationship with your body. It does show me that I have certain strengths and flexibilities so that helps.
You have done so much already! You can really be proud of yourself! Are you over-eating on certain foods? Are you exposed to them during the day? or could you maybe just not buy them and have somebody else do the grocery shopping for you? I find it crazy hard but popular wisdom tells you to do something else when you get the cravings, like going for a walk.
I'm sorry you're going through this.

[anne1140]

I think moderation is the key. I don't cut anything completely out of my diet (except meat, for ethical reasons), and I allow myself treats every once in awhile. I don't beat myself up about it, because it's just that: a treat. I try to eat healthy the majority of the time. And by healthy, I mean covering all the food groups, and in moderation.

Out of curiosity, why would it be healthier to cut out sugar, dairy, and wheat completely? I can understand a food allergy/intolerance, or ethical reasons, but I always thought at least dairy and wheat were healthy, as well as some sugars. Refined sugars are unhealthy, sure, but I still consume those in moderation. If I gave up those three things, I would seriously go nuts. Honestly, the only things I can think of that I could eat are vegetables, nuts, and legumes.

One thing that helped me get in a healthy mind frame was to start exercising. Everything else kind of fell into place after that. I thought I would hate it, but it's really made me love my body and burn off my extra steam. It's also helped a bunch with my anxiety. I usually do 30-45 min. of daily exercise, with one "free" day a week.