Tandem nursing: I'm exhausted - I need 3 yo DD to go to sleep without nursing - help, please

[MotherDuck]

DD is 3 yrs 4 mths. DS is 8 mth. I tandem nurse. DD has been night weaned for a long while, but still usually nurses before and after sleeping.

DD was down to 1-5 sides a day till DS was born. Then she upped her intake.

She's now down to 1-4 sides a day: 2 is if she only nurses before sleeping. 1 is if she skips a nap.

For naps, she usually nurses to sleep. For nights, she nurses and then tries to go to sleep - she usually needs DH or me to stay with her.

DD finds it hard to fall asleep at night if she has had a nap. But she struggles through the day if she doesn't nap.

DS's nursing needs are higher and I am burnt out.

How can I help DD get to sleep without a nursing session?

I've suggested briefly to her that we could have a big girl party (next week when her grandoarents are visiting) to say she's now old enough to go to sleep on her own. She isn't thrilled by the idea. Although she did like the idea of having a bedtome story instead. But not the 'instead' part.

I did explain it's not the end of nursing, just of nursing before sleep.

Can any of you guide me here?

[MotherDuck]

I forgot to mention that we co-sleep, but DD sometimes likes to sleep in her own room - but only if DH or I sleep in the spare bed next to her while she is falling asleep. She always comes to our bed in the morning.

[texmati]

I only have a small child, so my suggestions may not be helpful. I sucked my thumb until I was very old. I can vividly remember how calming of a sensation it is. Is it possible to provide a substitute for that? Maybe not a paci, but a white noise machine, ect.

I can remember my parents trying to teach me how to sleep without crutches, and it was not pleasent.

The other idea is could you have her sleep in your room on the floor, or keep doing the spare bedroom thing for a bit, adn then move slowly away?

[MotherDuck]

Originally Posted by texmati

The other idea is could you have her sleep in your room on the floor, or keep doing the spare bedroom thing for a bit, adn then move slowly away?

She has her mattress on the floor in our room next to our mattress, which is also on the floor. So she has 2 beds.

But she nurses in our bed, or in the spare bed in her room.

I'm just ready to stop her nursing in the evenings, but not sure how to go about this. I want the solution to work, but for DD to feel positive about it too.

[lindalu]

I suggested my ds try to go to sleep without nursing, and he was fairly agreeable. He does still like to fall asleep next to me, usually rubbing a mole on my wrist (another thread!)

Your last post made me think of something called "sleep talking". Many people have had success discussing big topics with children while they are asleep. Just talking in adult language. Go to Jan Hunt's site : Natural Child Project. You can also speak to her on phone - but I think there is quite a bit of info on that site. (this has actually reminded me I want to try it with some things going on around here....)

[annettemarie]

Moving out to Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy, as per the forum guidelines