Does Your Agency Require Confirmation from BP before Visits?

[illinoisgranny]

I got talked into doing visitation again. I have one grandson with me, and I have to pick up my other grandson from the daycare he attends (he's placed with another family) to transport and supervise their visit with mom and dad.

Here's my question. Do any of your agencies require the bparent to call and confirm that they will attend the visit by a certain time on visit day?

When I supervised in previous months my daughter had to call before 10 a.m. the day of the visit to confirm or the visit was canceled. Last week, the first time I resumed supervising visits, my daughter called to have me bring swim trunks for my grandson.

This week, I got no call. So at 11 a.m. I called our caseworker and asked her if I should still do the visit. She said that confirmation is required and since my daughter didn't confirm the visit was off.

At 2 p.m. (the time the visit should have begun) she called. I told her that she was supposed to confirm the visit by 10 a.m. and since she hadn't called, I could not bring the boys to visit per the caseworker's instructions.

I couldn't have called her....she has her number blocked every time she calls, but I feel torn about it. It's so hard being related to the birthparent, very hard when it's my daughter.

I'm wondering if anyone else has these stipulations. Are there any relative caregivers out there who feel the pinch being in a similar situation?
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Illinois granny

[Sierra]

I can't speak as a relative caregiver, but there are some ("birth")parents with whom I have felt somewhat close and definitely for whom I have felt lots of sympathy. However, being inconsistent is not a gift for people who are trying to pull their lives together. In the longterm, the best thing for her is to have limits that are constant so that she can focus on the work she has to do rather than manipulating the system.

Where we have fostered, a confirmation requirement seems somewhat common, especially when there is a history of missed visits (and particularly bad excuses for missed visits that complicate the case). I have been a foster parent in two cases in which the parent had to actually show up a half hour early to visits so I could be notified at my leave-time whether the parent was present. That was a little hard because it meant I had to have the kids totally prepared to walk out the door, without giving them information that could lead to a let down, but it also gave the parent no more than 15 minutes leeway for being late. These limits ultimately seemed helpful for everyone, including the parents.

[queenjane]

At my agency, if bparents consistently miss visits, then they can require something like that, where they have to call.

I agree with Sierra, that if the mom knows the "rules", then part of following her caseplan is learning to follow those rules, and while i understand feeling bad that she missed a visit, in the long run its better for her to learn to keep her end of responsibilities. Part of showing whether or not she can parent is whether she can show up to visits like she is supposed to, etc.

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by queenjane

At my agency, if bparents consistently miss visits, then they can require something like that, where they have to call.

Same here...

Originally Posted by queenjane

I agree with Sierra, that if the mom knows the "rules", then part of following her caseplan is learning to follow those rules, and while i understand feeling bad that she missed a visit, in the long run its better for her to learn to keep her end of responsibilities. Part of showing whether or not she can parent is whether she can show up to visits like she is supposed to, etc.

[Polliwog]

I've never heard of that here although I'm sure that they do that in situations like the ones described here. In my DS's case, visits took place at the kids school (where I also taught) and if their birth mother showed up great. If not, the kids (ages 1,2,and 3) didn't even know they were going to happen.

[MissinNYC]

My son's birthmom had that stipulation.

[marsupial-mom]

With ours, foster parents are allowed to cancel and leave if the bio family is more than 15 minutes late.

If that happens consistently, then the foster parents can request for the bio family to arrive at the visitation center first, then the agency calls foster family to say they arrived and only then does the foster family come for the visit.

Sometimes they'll make other kinds of arrangements depending on the situation.Like sometime a case worker or proxy will transport the kids to a nd from visits.

[illinoisgranny]

Thanks everyone. Now I know that it's not all that unusual for a confirmation of some sort. I appreciate all your replies!

[hannahgrace]

Our fs biologial dad had to do this as part of his plan. However, he never did call and confirm. But would complain that the visit was canceled. So the agency determined that he could not complete that part of the plan and ended the confirmation phone calls.