impulse control?

[lisalulu]

I'm wondering at what age kids generally learn impulse control. My 5yo is really struggling with learning to use words when he's angry.

For example, ds was at the park with a friend a couple weeks ago. They were playing a chase game and his friend runs faster than he does. His friend caught him and ds turned around and scratched him because he was mad. There have been similar things happening with other friends-physical play that quickly turns to hurt and tears. And with his 2yo brother, its really bad. If he grabs something he shouldn't or bothers him, ds1's immediate reaction is hitting, pushing, etc.

I'm feeling like he should be getting a handle on this at almost 5.5yo or am I expecting too much? I'm a little worried about sending him off to kindy when he can't use words to express his anger or hurt.

ETA: When I've asked him about it, he tells me that "his body just tells him to do that" and he can't really control it.

[AllisonR]

I don't know what the "normal range" is for impulse control, but my 5.5 yo can express himself instead of hitting, grabbing... Not 100% - if 3 yo DD bugs him, he will often tell her to stop or quit it or tell me, but if she persists, he gets frustrated and then hits her. Then she starts bawling (crocodile tears to be honest here) and then it turns into him yelling "DD started it when blah blah blah" and her yelling "DS started it when blah blah blah" and both are shouting at the same time and crocodile tears are everywhere....

How about some role playing? I actually need to remember to do this more with DS, who is not quite as expressive as DD. Like when XYZ happens, you say "did that make you feel frustrated (angry, worried, sad...) when XYZ happened?" And always try to give him the most correct word, not just happy or sad. Then it gives him the chance to agree or not, without him having to come up with the word by himself. After a few times, you could switch to "How did you feel when XYZ happened" and see if he can find the words himself.

[4evermom]

I remember when my ds was 5 1/2 and some kid was doing something that he found really annoying (splashing him in a creek after his mother already told him to stop). I was pleased and impressed that my ds pulled back his fist as if to punch but didn't actually punch the other kid. Ah, proud mama moment, lol. So, yeah, 5 1/2 is starting to get it but not 100%, IME. Boys tend to respond physically to emotional upset, too. Ds used to hit if people, usually it was girls, were being mean to him (not letting him on the play equipment or calling him names) so ds looked like he initiated the altercation to those out of ear shot. The girls were "using their words" just not nice ones.

[lisalulu]

Thanks for the responses!

Role-playing is a great idea!