Fun Responses to "Stupid" Comments about Homebirth

[laerhk]

It's always good to have a good comeback. Thanks to this board, I used one yesterday, and one today. Reading others' stories and comments, I'm constantly thinking of more. Let's share so we don't just have to be caught in the headlights!

__________________________________________________ _________

Comment: "You're so brave to have a baby at home."
Response: "I think other people are brave to have a hospital birth, where there are so many sick people and contagious diseases."
(Stunned silence for a moment from a very good friend, and it was priceless!)

Comment: "We should probably tell [insert name of family doctor here] in case you end up in the hospital."
Response: "Why don't we just call the podiatrist while we're at it? He/she'll be about as helpful at that point."
(Again stunned silence from DH, equally priceless.)

C: "You're such a hippy!"
R: "I didn't know that meant 'educated'."
(Can't wait to use it...it implies they aren't uneducated, so bonus zinger!)

[forumyonly1]

haha i love the hospital birth one.. i got the brave or crazy comments constantly.. i usually keep my mouth shut.. but maybe i'll go with that next time! lol

[peainthepod]

I always feel terrible about the women who feel the need to come up and share their "My baby would have died!" stories with me. On one hand, I'm sure their experience was awful and traumatic and they have no doubt that the OB saved their baby...and maybe in some rare cases, that's even true. But on the other hand, what kind of person intentionally tries to dump their fears and doubts and traumas on a hugely pregnant woman? It might be cathartic for them but talk about selfish... The worst offender was one of DH's cousins at my baby shower (!), who cornered me and told me this long, awful story of a predictable cascade of interventions that started with her being induced at 37 weeks for absolutely no reason except that she was "tired of being pregnant", culminating in an epidural that didn't work, an episiotomy that ended up causing permanent nerve damage, and of course, an emergency C-section at the end.

And this is supposed to make me want a hospital birth how?

Generally I just stare at them and say something like, "Well, every birth is different but the more negative hospital birth stories I hear, the more it reinforces my desire to have a safe, natural homebirth with a competent midwife. Pass the salt?"

It's easier when you've already done it. The ones who told me, "You'll see! You'll be begging for that epidural!" are curiously silent this time.

[Jazzmin]

Surprisingly, I have never had anyone say anything negative about having a baby at home. Our neighbor, an older woman from Greece, brought some treats over the day after DD was born and she asked me if the Dr. came over and cut me open in the living room. I giggled for a minute and then told her that the baby came out the other way.

[AFWife]

Person: Right, because your house is SO much more sanitary than a hospital.
Me: Well, no one has gotten MRSA from my house.
[this resulted in my being unfriended on facebook]


I had a discussion with one of DH's coworkers (he's Air Force) that went something like this..
Her: That's cool that you have that option.
Me: What do you mean? It's really not as expensive as you'd think.
Her: Well, because we're military...
Me: Wait, NO ONE can tell you where to give birth. The military cannot force you to give birth in a hospital!
Her: *stunned silence*

[lawmama1984]

Originally Posted by AFWife

Person: Right, because your house is SO much more sanitary than a hospital.
Me: Well, no one has gotten MRSA from my house.
[this resulted in my being unfriended on facebook]

I have used the MRSA comeback for both the HB discussion and circumcision comments. Really makes people think twice.

(I have no idea how to multiquote ) I just used the "you're brave to birth in a hospital" comeback to someone I had just met at a mutual friend's son's birthday party. I really didn't even think of it as a "comeback" at the time, it just popped out, but I totally gave myself a mental pat on the back and thought "good one."

[St. Margaret]

Yeah, I've said the "you have to be brave to birth in the hospital" one-- but meaning that in this day and age, you are often inviting unnecessary interventions that you'll have to deal with or fend off. I had a hospital birth last time but it was with the one OB famous for being natural, and even then I felt a little brave for daring .

[HeatherB]

The whole "brave" thing comes up frequently. My response is something like, "I'd have to be much braver to step foot in a hospital again!"

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by AFWife

Person: Right, because your house is SO much more sanitary than a hospital.

My dd was born pooping EVERYWHERE! There was poo on the floor, my shirt, the towels....so sanitary! hee hee

[mom2threenurslings]

Once when someone used the "You're brave!" line, I responded, "Not brave, just lazy. I can't imagine interrupting labor to go down a flight of stairs, into my van and drive to a hospital or birth center ... then have to walk through the germ-infested hospital to the maternity ward (if it's in the middle of the night when I normally birth, I'd have to go to the ER with puking, coughing people ... I just can't imagine), and then I have to waste energy dealing with nurses who I know won't like the fact that I like to labor on my hands and knees or standing up or in the shower ... Yeah - I can't imagine putting that much energy or effort into something I can do peacefully and safely at home."

[motherhendoula]

LOVE that reply!!! mom2threenuirslings! quite apt!

[Phoenix~Mama]

Originally Posted by mom2threenurslings

Once when someone used the "You're brave!" line, I responded, "Not brave, just lazy. I can't imagine interrupting labor to go down a flight of stairs, into my van and drive to a hospital or birth center ... then have to walk through the germ-infested hospital to the maternity ward (if it's in the middle of the night when I normally birth, I'd have to go to the ER with puking, coughing people ... I just can't imagine), and then I have to waste energy dealing with nurses who I know won't like the fact that I like to labor on my hands and knees or standing up or in the shower ... Yeah - I can't imagine putting that much energy or effort into something I can do peacefully and safely at home."

That's pretty much how I feel! lol

I get the brave comment a lot. Or a "better you than me". I usually just shrug it off.

[MegBoz]

Originally Posted by Jazzmin

she asked me if the Dr. came over and cut me open in the living room. I giggled for a minute and then told her that the baby came out the other way.

That one struck me as really hilarious!

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein

My dd was born pooping EVERYWHERE! There was poo on the floor, my shirt, the towels....so sanitary! hee hee

Yeah, my son passed his first meconium soon after birth too. The funny part is that we didn't notice when it happened! All of a sudden, my doula had it on her pants! Ha! We looked down & it was on the edge of the bed on the sheets (which must have been how it got on the leg of the doula's pants.)

I just read a great response to the "brave" comment here recently - something like, "I'd have to be brave to go somewhere with deadly germs & bacteria, strangers trying to interfere with & disrupt a natural process & causing problems, ya know - the hospital."

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by mom2threenurslings

Once when someone used the "You're brave!" line, I responded, "Not brave, just lazy. I can't imagine interrupting labor to go down a flight of stairs, into my van and drive to a hospital or birth center ... then have to walk through the germ-infested hospital to the maternity ward (if it's in the middle of the night when I normally birth, I'd have to go to the ER with puking, coughing people ... I just can't imagine), and then I have to waste energy dealing with nurses who I know won't like the fact that I like to labor on my hands and knees or standing up or in the shower ... Yeah - I can't imagine putting that much energy or effort into something I can do peacefully and safely at home."

I told DH this one. He laughed and said, "Well, yeah..."

[EMAID]

I have several epidural-loving friends, who are great friends despite their very different choices, so I try to keep the conversation focused on it being my choice when it comes up, but the "brave" comment is the one I get most from them. I usually tell them that from my perspective they are brave for birthing in the hospital, and leave it at that. So far no one has been unsupportive at all, so I leave it at that. Many of them didn't realize that I do actually do things to get through the pain, I don't just sit there and endure it. I think a lot of them just don't think it really works.

Love the comments though. I've said some of those sorts of things to strangers or to people who I don't really care much about.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by EMAID

I have several epidural-loving friends, who are great friends despite their very different choices, so I try to keep the conversation focused on it being my choice when it comes up, but the "brave" comment is the one I get most from them. I usually tell them that from my perspective they are brave for birthing in the hospital, and leave it at that. So far no one has been unsupportive at all, so I leave it at that. Many of them didn't realize that I do actually do things to get through the pain, I don't just sit there and endure it. I think a lot of them just don't think it really works.

Love the comments though. I've said some of those sorts of things to strangers or to people who I don't really care much about.

Well, when you're flat on your back strapped to the bed with a fetal monitor there really ISN'T much you can do for the pain...

[EMAID]

Good point! It's so hard for me to get into that perspective.

BTW, AFWife, good to see another military mom who knows her options. I get the "I didn't know you could do that in the military!" comment all the time. WTH? Do people think that they or their spouses will end up in the brig if they don't give birth in a military hospital?

[Chavelamomela]

I usually reply something like:
"Well, if i were forced to labor strapped to a bed, lying on my back, unable to get up and walk around, unable to rock, unable to drink (and perhaps eat), unable to change positions and work with my body's natural instincts during labor, I would demand an epidural too...But i don't choose to put myself in that kind of environment for labor, which is why I birth at home"

[Banana731]

Originally Posted by EMAID

Good point! It's so hard for me to get into that perspective.

BTW, AFWife, good to see another military mom who knows her options. I get the "I didn't know you could do that in the military!" comment all the time. WTH? Do people think that they or their spouses will end up in the brig if they don't give birth in a military hospital?

Actually, yes, they do think that sometimes. If you could only hear the stuff that I have heard about in my military birthing circles with other Birth Pros. Threats to low ranking enlisted members about demotions, punishments Getting thrown out of housing, etc if their WIFE had a homebirth on base. It makes me ill. Not only do these poor kids not know that these are totally untrue empty threats, they don't even realize how much trouble those superiors making the threats could get in for doing so. This a real sore spot for me, it makes me crazy

[EMAID]

You're right, that doesn't surprise me at all. I don't want to go into the whole awful story, but a civilian once threatened to put my husband in the brig when we disagreed with our pediatrician and refused a medical procedure on my DD. And this wasn't even someone who worked for the military. I just lay low about my choices with the military people. I don't see any military doctors while I'm pregnant, and I don't take my kids to military pediatricians because we've had so many bad/threatening experiences. I've just managed to avoid them over birth choices because every time I've been pregnant I got out of military healthcare before the birth.