Fun Responses to "Stupid" Comments about Homebirth - Page 2

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by EMAID

You're right, that doesn't surprise me at all. I don't want to go into the whole awful story, but a civilian once threatened to put my husband in the brig when we disagreed with our pediatrician and refused a medical procedure on my DD. And this wasn't even someone who worked for the military. I just lay low about my choices with the military people. I don't see any military doctors while I'm pregnant, and I don't take my kids to military pediatricians because we've had so many bad/threatening experiences. I've just managed to avoid them over birth choices because every time I've been pregnant I got out of military healthcare before the birth.

I'm nodding to all of this. I went to a military doc because I needed a referral for knee pain...my experience with the OBGYN (for vaginal discomfort) was less than desirable. (She was rude to me and my husband and totally blew us off when we asked about hormone testing...)

Thankfully, this girl has a great mind of her own and, as soon as I told her that NO ONE can decide how she gives birth, she decided on a midwife assisted birth!!!

[SunshineSwirl]

As prior military that gave birth to her first while serving and second while husband finished up his time, I also think the money thing has a lot to do with it. Since I can remember, I wanted a waterbirth at home, but being in the military, it was just what you did because of financial restraints. Only after my second, I learned that if you decrease tricare (can't remember all that now) and pay co-pays and deductibles (as a dependant), you can birth in a birthing center and it will be covered, otherwise you have to pay out of pocket. Since we used a military pediatrician with our first for the first few months (easier with still serving) we thought we had to follow all the rules. So even though I know my family has a medical history of complications with vaccinations, we still had her vaccinated out of fear of what they could or might do. Luckily, those first few shots didn't harm her. There is definitely a fear based medical something going on in the military!

[EMAID]

I'll tell you how my Tricare coverage came out with my three pregnancies:

#1- I didn't realize until about halfway through my pregnancy that natural birth/military hospital (Bethesda, MD would be mine if anyone's wondering) were not going to mesh. My Bradley teacher encouraged me to call the local birth center and ask them if they had any suggestions for me. They were able to tell me that there was an OBGYN at my PCM's office that was sometimes willing to refer patients to their center while still staying on Tricare Prime (and thus, getting full coverage for everything). I went to see him, he did a quick u/s, and I did have to do a little convincing since I was a first-timer, but I explained why I wanted natural birth, how much research I'd done, etc. and he agreed! I got full coverage for this one.

#2- Only 6 months after birthing #1, I find out I'm having #2 (surprise!). Unfortunately the good OBGYN was gone now. Birth center recommended switching to US Family Health Plan, which is a plan available in this area that allows military dependents to see Johns Hopkins doctors and still get full coverage. So I switched from Tricare Prime to USFHP, and went to see a JH dr., and again after some convincing, he wrote me a referral to the same birth center. Unfortunately this did take about 4 months, and in the mean time the birth center basically gave me free prenatal care by phone only. But once again, I got full coverage!

#3- Found a potential HB CNM while still TTC, and she recommended switching to Tricare Standard and paying the co-pays. She said that very occasionally a military dr. will be willing to write a referral to a HB MW, but it's rare and probably not worth the effort. So I switched. This birth will cost me about $500-$750 for the MW, plus $700 for the nurse, and a $70 birth kit.

[witchypants]

Loving this thread. DH and I are only ttc right now but are planning a homebirth and sometimes I live in fear of how conversations with my family will go. My mom and step dad are really supportive but we also live near my cousins and see them for holidays. They are all very loud about their opinons and ideas so I sometimes worry about the deer in the headlights thing coming up for me in conversation with them.
Does anyone have any good ones for when people seriously freak on you about the idea of homebirth. Things like "you're crazy" "my baby would have died"; "that's so dangerous"? Things like that?

[peainthepod]

Originally Posted by witchypants

Does anyone have any good ones for when people seriously freak on you about the idea of homebirth. Things like "you're crazy" "my baby would have died"; "that's so dangerous"? Things like that?

Naysayer: "You're crazy!"

You: "I can live with that. Pass the salt?"

Naysayer: "That's so dangerous!"

You: "Actually, studies have repeatedly shown that a low-risk mother under the care of a competent midwife is as safe at home--or safer, in some areas--as she would be in a hospital. Pass the salt?"

Naysayer: "My baby would have died!"

You: "That's exactly the situation we're trying to avoid. Pass the salt?"

I also highly recommend having people watch The Business of Being Born. But really, you don't need to convince anyone and you don't owe them an explanation. Your body, your baby, your birth, your decision--period. Explaining your reasons is a courtesy but not obligatory, and people who get rude or nasty about it are easily shut down with a change of subject or simply by walking away mid-sentence.

You don't have to let anyone dump their fears and insecurities on you, pregnant or not.

[AFWife]

Another good response to "You're crazy": "I know. It keeps life interesting."

[camprunner]

Originally Posted by witchypants

Does anyone have any good ones for when people seriously freak on you about the idea of homebirth. Things like "you're crazy" "my baby would have died"; "that's so dangerous"? Things like that?

People tried this with me but I really didn't think much of it at the time. I just said "Oh, it does sound like YOU made the right decision to birth in the hospital." Then I went about my business. It didn't dawn on me until much later that they were actually trying to talk me out of my homebirth. I mean honestly one of them was telling me that they just didn't dialate. Well...um...I hired a midwife who would have sent me to the hospital if I just absolutely could not dialate.

[babyjelly]

I like AFWife's MRSA comment...I actually have MRSA, and yet it's still true that nobody has ever contracted it in my home (so there!), but my second child did contract a life-threatening infection in the hospital.
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[TabithaB]

Originally Posted by peainthepod

Generally I just stare at them and say something like, "Well, every birth is different but the more negative hospital birth stories I hear, the more it reinforces my desire to have a safe, natural home birth with a competent midwife. Pass the salt?"

I love this answer. This is going to become my new standard answer wnen people try and bring the scary stories.

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by camprunner

"Oh, it does sound like YOU made the right decision to birth in the hospital."

This sounds like a nice path to go a lot of the time. I never tell a woman about what I think of her birth choices if they're negative. What's the point? I'm not out to hurt anyone's feelings. But if it's really THEIR fear and THEIR hearsay that's making their opinion, that's not MY problem.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by babyjelly

I like AFWife's MRSA comment...I actually have MRSA, and yet it's still true that nobody has ever contracted it in my home (so there!), but my second child did contract a life-threatening infection in the hospital.
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This just solidifies my point! Ugh!!! I hope you get better soon.

[Monarchgrrl]

Not sure this is "fun" but it was the first time I had to say anything IRL defending my homebirth choice. My boss and wife just had their second baby and he overheard me and someone in the office today talking about homebirth. He knows that's my plan but never said anything beyond how great epidurals are. Today he said, "Sounds great if you want to take birth back to the 1800's. Just make sure you do what's best for the baby." I said, "Oh I am! That's why it's happening at home!"

[laerhk]

Originally Posted by camprunner 

 I mean honestly one of them was telling me that they just didn't dialate. Well...um...I hired a midwife who would have sent me to the hospital if I just absolutely could not dialate.

Call me crazy, but if you aren't dialating, doesn't that mean the baby isn't ready to be born and you may have jumped the gun?

I get the whole, "my water broke on its own" thing, but even in that case, the only fear would be an infection or distress to the baby.  No fever typically means no infection, and as long as people keep their hands and body parts out of there to prevent transferring an infection, and the baby is doing fine, then there shouldn't be a problem even if you water has broken, right?

[honeybee]

One of my knitting friends made the "you're so brave" comment, and I said, "No. Bravery requires fear. I've done my research and I'm not afraid to birth at home, so there's nothing brave about it." She said she'd never thought about it that way, but I was right. ;)

[Treeof3]

I use the I'm lazy response all the time. Especially in response to the idea that my baby sleeps in my bed or in my room. Why would i want to get up, leave my bed and *really* wake up just to feed a baby?

As for brave, I truly *did* almost die after birthing my first in the hospital, but it was *because* I birthed there - it was hospital induced (pulled placenta, inverted uterus, pph). When I say that, ppl usually shut up and are left scratching their heads. But a simple statistic about the fact that our maternal/infant mortality/morbidity rates (in the US) haven't improved since the 80's so why is all this "technology" so great? also usually quiets them.

I did have one co-worker who honestly thought you could die of pain.... she pulled me aside when she heard I was planning my med-free birth bc she was worried I would die from the pain. Took all my restraint not to laugh in her face bc I clearly needed to educate this poor girl!!

I also find myself frequently shrugging and admitting, "Its not for everyone, but it is for us." or "That's why its called a 'choice' - not everyone has to choose it."

Btw - I TOTALLY love that definition of brave/fear one!!!

[labortrials]

Originally Posted by laerhk 

________________________________________________ _________

Comment: "You're so brave to have a baby at home."
Response: "I think other people are brave to have a hospital birth, where there are so many sick people and contagious diseases."
(Stunned silence for a moment from a very good friend, and it was priceless!)

C: "You're such a hippy!"
R: "I didn't know that meant 'educated'."
(Can't wait to use it...it implies they aren't uneducated, so bonus zinger!)

Yeah, those are good ones, especially the hippie line.
 

Originally Posted by AFWife 

Person: Right, because your house is SO much more sanitary than a hospital.
Me: Well, no one has gotten MRSA from my house.
[this resulted in my being unfriended on facebook]
 

Seriously?  Ahahahaaaa!

Originally Posted by mom2threenurslings 

Once when someone used the "You're brave!" line, I responded, "Not brave, just lazy. I can't imagine interrupting labor to go down a flight of stairs, into my van and drive to a hospital or birth center ... then have to walk through the germ-infested hospital to the maternity ward (if it's in the middle of the night when I normally birth, I'd have to go to the ER with puking, coughing people ... I just can't imagine), and then I have to waste energy dealing with nurses who I know won't like the fact that I like to labor on my hands and knees or standing up or in the shower ... Yeah - I can't imagine putting that much energy or effort into something I can do peacefully and safely at home."

This is exactly how I felt . . . and definitely how I felt with baby #1.  The flu threw me into labor, and I was a wreck by the time I arrived at the hospital.  Maybe my birth years would have been different had I just been "lazy" enough to stay home.  I didn't know anything about birth - thought I did, but I didn't really.  I trusted that medwife.  And I'm still dealing with the repercussions.

Quote:

Originally Posted by EMAID 

BTW, AFWife, good to see another military mom who knows her options. I get the "I didn't know you could do that in the military!" comment all the time. WTH? Do people think that they or their spouses will end up in the brig if they don't give birth in a military hospital?

ROF!!!

Very few people know my plan to birth at home.  I just told my GP yesterday that even if I could find an OB to support VBA2C, that I doubt I could have a successful natural birth in the hospital - not with all of the monitoring and being forced to labor and birth in the surgical suite.

Most folks just look really confused when I say I'm not having my baby with an OB at the hospital.

[tourist.]

Originally Posted by Treeof3 

I did have one co-worker who honestly thought you could die of pain.... she pulled me aside when she heard I was planning my med-free birth bc she was worried I would die from the pain. Took all my restraint not to laugh in her face bc I clearly needed to educate this poor girl!!

Wow, some people are shockingly dim. 

There are so many great responses!!!  I seriously love a few of them, but hopefully I don't have to use them this time around.  Surprisingly, as open as I was about my homebirth last time, I don't think I got any negative commentary...from anyone, even people at work were super supportive.  I was very happily surprised.  There were maybe a few comments from my mom, but those comments were part of lengthy discussions that I initiated as a way to help her feel less freaked out with her baby having a baby at home (even though my mom was born at home ). 

[allisonrose]

Slightly OT:

My mom is supportive of my decision to have a home birth. She considered it but my dad was uncomfortable with it. With my birth (her third and last child), she picked up a strep infection in the hospital. She had to take antibiotics which were incompatible with breastfeeding and had to bottlefeed me formula for a week. She said I hated it and was terribly gassy during that time.

(I haven't really discussed my decision with my dad so I don't really know what he thinks of it.)

Military homebirths - I live near to an Army base and my midwife was telling me that she once got pulled over by MPs while speeding to a birth with a military client. The MPs were quite confused by why the mom wasn't going to the hospital and held her up for a while. She walked in the door, the hubby handed her gloves and 5 or so minutes later out came baby!