5 yr. old and tidying up

[eastkygal]

I'm looking for some advice about encouraging a 5 yr. old to tidy up their toys. My DD1 has a room that is almost always a disaster. I know DD2 contributes somewhat, but I also know that big sister is very much involved. I have had her and DD2 involved in tidying up since they were able to walk. I've explained to her why we should keep things tidy. We have went through her room countless times boxing toys and taking them to Goodwill because I thought she might just have too much to clean up, but it didn't help. The only thing she picks up consistently is her Littlest Petshop and Barn Animals. The rest stays in the floor to be ripped up or stepped on. She doesn't even take care of books. Something as simple as putting them back on the shelf. When I come in to help her tidy up, she always says she can't for some reason. Or cries. Or ends up picking up a few things then playing while I clean up. Her birthday is coming up and I really am reluctant to buy her anything. She really cares for very little, and it seems a waste really. She sees me clean up everyday. I just can't keep up with it all on my own anymore. And while I know she is still small, I think she can tidy up some simple things on her own when I ask, and hopefully eventually without my asking.

[dbsam]

Originally Posted by eastkygal

When I come in to help her tidy up, she always says she can't for some reason. Or cries. Or ends up picking up a few things then playing while I clean up.

My daughter did this too and has finally, at age six, started helping more willingly and for longer periods. I think it is partly a personality difference as her twin brother was always a great ‘helper’.

Originally Posted by eastkygal

She really cares for very little, and it seems a waste really.

My daughter is also like this.


I want to subscribe to this thread because I need help also.

My recently turned six year olds create a disaster in no time. The upstairs is all theirs (two bedrooms, a playroom, bathroom and hall) and in one afternoon I can go up and not see the floor. Then, after destroying their area they start filling the living, dining, and foyer areas eventually moving into the master bedroom. To continue on, they start a craft in the kitchen and there are scraps of paper, yarn, etc all over the floor. This is a typical day. They are good about helping clean up (sort of like a power pickup at the end of the night) when I ask or bribe but they haven’t gotten good at picking up between activities. Another issue is their need to ‘decorate’ the house. What looks like a mess to me (toys hanging from every surface, homemade ‘things’ strategically placed all over the house) are a deliberate attempt by them to improve the look of the house. I hate to hurt their feelings but there is only so much six-year-old decorating I can take.

I’ve also given away a lot of clothing and toys figuring there is less to mess – but they find or make something. Yesterday it was tents in the living room, a domino maze in the master bedroom, a show on the catwalk that ended with a grand finali of confetti (they cut up colored paper), and an entire village of houses and people made from wooden sticks, yarn, toilet paper rolls, etc. in the kitchen.

I’m going to lock up toys and games with tons of pieces, (legos, tinker toys, puzzles, marble run, etc) and they can play with them on request then put them away. I thought they were too old to do this but evidently not.

I’ve probably been too lenient about this issue justifying my lack of enforcement because they play together so nicely and have so much fun. I may have created mess-monsters. I grew up in a perfect house and my husband and I are sort of perfectionist about the house…so I was trying to find balance but managed to make more work/stress for myself.

[eastkygal]

dbsam - This sounds a lot like what I am dealing with. Except the girls share a room. Only DD1 sleeps there right now, but both their clothes and toys are kept there. The room has no closet. That room is small and quickly becomes a mess, then they move to the living room and/or the bathroom. Sometimes the kitchen. I just really think DD1 doesn't care if she picks up and that means some of her toys get thrown out or given away because her only "precious" items are her animal toys and PetShop. I didn't live in a perfect house, but I really like to try to keep ours tidy because it is a very small cabin only 4 rooms and the bathroom with 1 small closet in the whole place. We have no outdoor storage space. I really do have her room to an almost minimum, but when all that gets thrown in the floor within 10 minutes it doesn't matter if there are only 20 toys between the two of them in the room or not.

I am ready to have a plan in this regard. I don't want my girls to grow up thinking that cleaning is a punishment like I did. I want us all to enjoy it together, but when one person is picking up 4 peoples mess, it gets tiresome.

[dbsam]

Originally Posted by eastkygal

dbsam - This sounds a lot like what I am dealing with. Except the girls share a room.

Even though my children have their own rooms, my daughter's room hasn't been slept in in months. She sleeps in her brother's room, or one is w/me and one w/my husband, etc. We put full sized beds in all bedrooms so we can move around and sleep together in any configuration. Unfortunately, this means her room tends to stay messy since no one is sleeping in it.

I've given up, temporarily, on expecting my children to clean up after each activity. They mostly play independently and I do not notice or are not in the area when they are switching tasks so I am not there to prompt the clean up. We have been doing a group 'speed clean up' once or twice a day. I also ask them to clean up their playroom (I give them a certain amount of time) then I go in and do the more detail clean up organization - like making sure each game has all the proper pieces. (We don't do this daily.) Even with all this, I feel like I clean and pickup all day.

My sister uses a huge sand hour glass and flips it several times a day. She and her children use that time to tidy up. I think I might order one. My children think it is fun and they always pick up best when I make it a game or challenge.

[~cassie]

We have 2 set times to clean up-before lunch and after supper. My son likes to make a huge mess, likes to move the toys everywhere-like a PP said, he's decorating the house, lol. By the time it is clean up time, he is very overwhelmed with the mess that is there. I will get down and help and we make it a game-we toss everything into a laundry basket and pretend we are shooting hoops.

My oldest knows that a messy house stresses me out so he is pretty good about cleaning up after himself.

[umsami]

The thing that has worked best with my kids is for me to get a box/trashbag and clean up the toys/books that they don't. Usually, just seeing me get out the box is enough to get them cleaning. If the toy goes in the box... it's gone for usually 1-2 days. If the same toys keep ending up in the box, then I either remove them for a month or two or give them to the Goodwill.

Other things I've used is tell them to pick up just 5 or 10 things... and then repeat that.

Use a timer and see who can pick up the most toys quickly.

Make it easy for them. We got these bins at Target that have wheels on the bottom... so they can wheel around the bin and put the toys in.

Books are a different story in our house. All books must be put on the bookshelf and treated with respect.