Why won't my child nap w/o a fight?!

[TattooedMomma]

My daughter is 5 months old and I admit she usually nurses to sleep. Every morning though we go for a walk and she falls to sleep and sometimes when I have a lot of housework to do I put her in her wrap and she eventually falls asleep. However when I can't go for a walk, or do housework and she's not hungry, she won't take a nap no matter how tired she is.

Today I tried just walking around the house doing the "baby dance", I tried rocking her and patting her bottom or rubbing her head and eventually I gave up and let her stay up for longer even though she was cranky. Then when she was hungry enough to nurse again she nursed to sleep. She won't take pacifiers so that is out, I really don't know what to do to get her to nap without it being such a fight and without it taking up so much of the day! I figured by 5 months she would have figured out how to go to sleep when she's tired!

I really don't want to let her cry it out by herself in her crib, but I'm so frustrated it is looking like a more attractive option. I have put her in her crib and patted her bottom until she fell asleep but she cried the whole time and it was so hard! I just want her to happily go to sleep!

Sorry this is so long, my husband is out of town and I don't have anyone to vent to!

[texaspeach]

welcome to mdc. you won't find people recommending cry it out here.

I think it's an unreasonable expectation to assume a 5 month old is going to be able to go to sleep with out help. sure, some babies do, but it seems like many do not. I think society places a lot of importance on babies being able to fall asleep independently but I don't think that it is necessarily the norm.

if I really need ds to take a nap, I would put him in the car and go for a drive. that usually did the trick when nothing else would. if you have a swing or a bouncer that might work (never did for us, we got rid of the swing at 3 months). I'll try to get him to sleep in the usual way (rocking, nursing) and if it doesn't work after 15 minutes or so I put him in the ergo on my back and go on about my business. life is too short for me to force the issue. I used to feel like my whole day was devoted to trying to get him to sleep and it was really stressful. once I changed my expectations life was a lot easier.

[KermitII63]

It really can take babies a long time to get into sleep rhythms. I don't think I really paid attention to how often DS took naps until he had worked out his own routine, which took I think 7 or 8 months honestly. Now he takes two naps a day, but the time he goes down varies day to day. What helps is to notice signs of sleepiness, and when your babe is clearly zonked, put her in the carrier and do something active, like sweeping, walking, etc. It might mean moving around other chores/activities so you save the active ones for nap time. I agree with texaspeach, too--stop TRYING to get your babe to sleep. As soon as I just go on with my day, wearing DS when he's tired, he relaxes right away. When I'm trying to get him to go down, it's like he senses that I have an expectation of him, and resists. If I had someone standing over me trying to force me to sleep, I doubt I'd get rest either! One of the best things you can do is relax, breathe, put on music, and be restful and calm yourself. It can be so hard, I know, and so frustrating, when you just want some peace and quiet, but your girl will find a rhythm. Good luck to you!!

[Knitting Mama]

From everything I've heard, babies able to go to sleep on their own at 5 months are the exception, not the rule. And when you're talking about gentle parenting, or attachment parenting, or peaceful parenting, none of the methods that others recommend for getting babies to sleep on their own this early on are usable (CIO).

Cecilia is 4 months old, and there are few times she doesn't nurse to sleep. I don't know why you'd be afraid to admit your 5 month old does that, unless other people have been really shocked that it's the case. If so, shame on them, not on you, mama! You're not doing anything wrong!

Things that help Cecilia sleep: nursing, bouncing on the balance ball, being worn in the wrap while grocery/other shopping, the swing, and the car. Those are in order of most effective to least effective. I tend to arrange my day around nap blocks for Cecilia, with the only exception being playgroup since it's at a set time. Even so, if she hasn't napped at all, we don't go, because I don't want to have an overly tired, wired baby for the rest of the day!

[TattooedMomma]

It's a good point that I wouldn't be able to sleep if I had someone standing over me trying to force me! I think I will rearrange my day so that I'll have my active chores and such around the time she is usually sleepy. Thank you for your suggestions and encouragement! DD and I are both feeling much less stressed already! It's just been hard when I have things to do that I can't do with her up and yet it feels like it takes all day to get her to nap!

I have been told that I shouldn't nurse her to sleep and that co-sleeping is bad, but I love both of those things and so does DD!

[Knitting Mama]

Yeah, people told me co-sleeping was bad too. Clearly it's been so damaging to my happy, well rested 4 month old and her happy, well rested mama...

[Pookietooth]

I noticed with dd that by around 2-3 months or so she's usually be ready for a nap within 1 1/2 to 2 hours of waking, although that wasn't always true. Now that she's nine months it's a bit longer, although for some reason in the morning she still seems tired within 2 hours of waking. I find that she falls asleep better if we've been outside somewhere, walking around. Not that that always happens. Her first nap is always easier than the others too, for some reason -- she nearly always falls asleep when I just lie down with her and nurse her for a few minutes. Later it may take going for a walk first, or, like today, going to the farmer's market or a park.
Nursing to sleep became an issue for me with ds when he was three or four and still needed it, but he's a high needs kid and always had trouble winding down, even as an infant.

[Knitting Mama]

I've definitely noticed a similar pattern with Cecilia. She generally takes 3 naps a day, and they are usually 2 hours after waking, 2 hours after first nap and 3 hours after 2nd nap. What differs from day to day is when we wake up!

[tzs]

hang in there!
i had/have a sleep fighter and now at almost 11 months we get two really good 1.5 hour (or more!) naps everyday usually with no fuss. i do nurse her but she pits herself to sleep. it can happen!!!!

the first progress we made was at around 2 months when by accident (and by that i mean being stuck on the toilet) i discovered that her crying on being put down was probably just release crying and always lasted less than 5 minutes because this one time it took me longer to get there and she was ****gasp**** asleep!!!! askmoxie has an interesting post on it:
http://www.askmoxie.org/2006/06/babies_and_cio.html

the next big leap forward was getting on a good schedule. i think at the age we really figured it out it was the "every 2 hours" thing. at five months i'm pretty sure we were doing the first 1.5 hours after waking (which we still do,) then one early pm and one later pm. there was timing to the pm naps but getting that first one right was the most important. sometimes by the end of the day i had gotten that timing all wrong and nothing would work anymore but at least we had a good start. i read a book written by a Dr. which is apparently not allowed to be mentioned here because he advocates CIO. i honestly didn't realize it because he didn't write about it until the babe reached a certain age and i had stopped reading by that point because we had gotten on such a great sleep roll based on his nap advise (no CIO involved, btw). but it talks about heathy sleep and if you can take in the info about the science and scheduling of sleep and ignore the cry stuff i highly recommend it. it saved our days.

it is possible to make a napper out of her. hang in there!