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2 y/o is still ultra high-needs - how do you mamas cope?

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
My daughter was born ultra high-needs. Now, at almost 2.5 it has gotten only a little bit better, but she still won't play alone.

How do you mamas cope with clingy little ones? And if you have older kids, when did your ultra high-needs children finally realize that yes, they actually can sit on the floor and play with something by themselves for ten minutes?

My only thing is that I won't put her in any kind of childcare. I'm interested in things she can do while I am here at home. I'm considering getting a little kiddie pool so she can play in the yard a while while I sit in a lawn chair next to her and read a book or work on some sewing.
post #2 of 8
lol, I was going to suggest preschool . that's what I did for my just-turned-3yo, and he LOVES it. There is always something new going on, a fresh-faced adult he can chatter with, new toys and lots of friends to play with. And, i have time to mother my other children. Out of all of the parenting I do for four kids, this one child makes up more than half on his own--more than half the energy, time. The other three take up less than half combined.

But, we still have strategies for when he is not at preschool. We have play dates with other families here at our house as well as at their houses or outdoors. Outdoors is his heaven. We try and spend time at playgrounds that have something for all my kids. It is often hard to get outside for extended periods with so much to pack for four kids including a young baby, but it's often harder to stay home with the 3yo!

When we are actually home, there is actually very little my 3yo will do on his own. He doesn't like to play alone. He's such a social little creature.

So that's it; I have no advice. Just commiseration.
post #3 of 8
Thread Starter 
Thanks! We do do lots of playgroups often and DD is just like your little one. She LOVES being outdoors. We went to the playground yesterday and I take her to the beach once a week. We live in Hawaii, though, and we are very fair-skinned, so I try to stay out of the sun too much. That makes it kind of hard. Hats and long-sleeved shirts are out of the question. It's just too hot.

I can't wait until she's old enough to go to a friend's house by herself
post #4 of 8
I definitely recommend the kiddie pool!!

Also, what about giving her some spoons and cups and a little flour to measure or something like that while you cook?

How do you feel about videos or TV? I know it isn't the greatest, but sometimes that is the only way I can buy some time to cook or eat when DS is being clingy or wanting to go outside and I can't take him.
post #5 of 8
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Luke's mama View Post
I definitely recommend the kiddie pool!!

Also, what about giving her some spoons and cups and a little flour to measure or something like that while you cook?

How do you feel about videos or TV? I know it isn't the greatest, but sometimes that is the only way I can buy some time to cook or eat when DS is being clingy or wanting to go outside and I can't take him.
Yes! She helped me make banana bread today and I do use a short video in the mornings while I make breakfast and check my e-mails. I'm a total zombie in the morning and can't function very well, so it helps me a lot. In the evening she is allowed to watch another short video while I cook dinner. Mostly she watches things like nature documentaries because she loves animals and lately we discovered "Miffy & Friends" which she really loves.
post #6 of 8
Just wanted to say I recently posted about my high-needs DS and I totally understand how frustrating it is!! I know the most important things lately are for me to get a little sleep & a little time to myself. I got a lot of great suggestions & DH and I have been trying the last few days to give each other more 'me time' so i.e. yesterday I took DS for a walk & when I came back DH took DS for a while & I did some errands alone... we each only got about an hour to ourselves but if we try to do that several times a week I think it helps a lot.

As far as playing alone, I don't have much advice since I still can't figure this out with DS... but on the rare occasions that he wanders off alone (usually if we're at an outdoor concert or something, he loves music & the outdoors and it seems to calm him) then I let him wander as far as he wants (as long as I can see him & make sure he's safe of course) so he can start to learn that it's OK to do something without mommy & daddy RIGHT THERE.
post #7 of 8
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post

As far as playing alone, I don't have much advice since I still can't figure this out with DS... but on the rare occasions that he wanders off alone (usually if we're at an outdoor concert or something, he loves music & the outdoors and it seems to calm him) then I let him wander as far as he wants (as long as I can see him & make sure he's safe of course) so he can start to learn that it's OK to do something without mommy & daddy RIGHT THERE.
Last night, I tried something similar to this. Last week, I taught DD that if she gets lost, she should find an auntie (we live on an island in Hawaii and it's a small town where it is very safe, so I'm not too worried) and she knows my cell phone number, so if she were to accidentally get lost, she can find me. We went to the mall yesterday evening and I let her walk off on her own a bit so long as she was within my sight. She seemed to really enjoy it except that she sometimes got a bit daring and would dart off between some clothes and I'd spend a frantic thirty seconds or so searching for her. We'll try again next time we go somewhere where she can't destroy everything
post #8 of 8
You know what? I think that I have to say that I barely cope. Barely. After a family camping trip where I actually laid a hand on my 2.5 yo, I took a big step back and started to regroup - reading more books on gentle parenting etc. So far, I have to say though, that while I agree with so many of the books' authors suggestions, they do not work for us. Some have, but many don't. My outburst came from the shear frustration and stress of needing to get something done - ANYTHING done - and a screaming toddler on your leg makes is really tough to get perspective sometimes.

I know this post sounds like a bit of a bummer, but I just wanted to let you know that I don't deal with a high needs toddler very well and to send some sympathetic vibes your way, as well as a or two. Apparently, it does get better!
Lisa
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