What's your perspective

[Jenne]

So, I don't have a babe yet but had an interesting family situation arise this weekend that there were various opinions on. Wanting to open the discussion up to a more varied audience I have decided to post the scenario here along with some of the solutions that were discussed. Please comment if you are so inclined.

Scenario: 9 or 10 month old baby that *hates* to ride in the car. Great Gramma's 89th birthday. Baby lives 8 hours away by car. Baby sleeps the first hour of the trip much to the parent's relief. Then he screams and cries for the next 6 1/2 hours.

Solutions discussed after the fact:
-Just hold him! (as a disclaimer this was Gramma and my Mom advocating for this as "we didn't have carseat rules when you kids were little and you are just fine")

-Give him benadryl after the first 30 minutes of inconsolable crying

- Ignore it and it will stop


Thanks!
Jenne

[mommariffic]

I wouldn't hold him - imagine getting pulled over? How much would that totally stink (I imagine there would be BIG trouble..) and also what if something happened? I would never forgive myself.

Ignoring/medicine wouldn't work for me either..

I guess for that sort of thing I'd either find an alternate way to get to the birthday or I just wouldn't go. Or I'd leave in the middle of the night when babe will be sleeping. OR I'd have someone sitting in the back to make the ride more comfortable.

[carmel23]

I agree with mommariffic. No way would I hold the baby, no way would I drug baby. I'd either fly, or go home and Skype Grandma.

[dislocator3972]

DD does NOT come out of her car seat while the car is moving. For long car rides, someone rides with her in the back and we stop if we need to. It might make for a really long day of driving/stopping/playing/driving/etc but at least it's a safe one.

[Angelorum]

I ride in back with my babe for long trips, it helps somewhat, but not when he's really mad. The last car trip we made we drove at night though, he only woke when we stopped for gas, it was great. No way are we driving without him in the seat. I don't think I'd try drugs either, there's no real way to know if it'll make him sleepy or not.

[tzs]

wow.

did anyone mention the really easy fix of having someone sit in the back with him?

i've also resorted to bottles and snacks on long trips and at that point dd really was just taking them for comfort which i really didn't like doing.

[Nicole730]

If my baby was inconsolable in the carseat, I wouldn't make the trip. Taking baby out or drugging baby are not an option. We would try to drive through sleeptimes or else sit with baby, but it that didn't work, we wouldn't go.

Heck, 8 hours is a long time, we probably wouldn't go even if baby did okay on car rides.

[happysmileylady]

None of the above, someone sits in the back with the baby with lots of singing and toys and such, and stops become a little more frequent for lots of nursing when that may help.

My dd2 hated being in the car seat for like her first six months. My parents live an hourish away and she would begin to scream from the moment we put her in the car seat (in the house because it was cold when she was that little) all the way down to my mom's until we took her out of the seat in my parents house.

We did take ONE longer trip, 4 hours, when she was in that stage. And we did stop twice, but that really just made it worse. Ultimately, she did give up and fell asleep. It was I guess CIO, though there was someone with her trying to comfort her.

[katelove]

Ugh, this is so difficult. Our 10 week old is sometimes inconsolable in the carseat. Fortunately we haven't had to do any long trip with her yet.

Solution one would *never* be an option for us. Not only illegal but dangerous. All those people who were "just fine", were blessed IMO.

Solution two I have mixed feelings about. My first reaction is NO WAY but, when I think about it... if there was no alternative then *maybe* it is better for the baby to be calm than hysterical for 6 hours.

Solution three, well aparently it didn't stop if he cried for 6 1/2hrs

This is what we do. Firstly we try to set her up for success. We have discovered, through trial and error, that she settles best when she has been fed and then settled in a wrap for a while before going in the car. She doesn't have to be asleep but chilled out on one of our chests. We start the car before she goes in the seat, she seems to like the noise/vibrations.

If we can't do the above for some reason, or it doesn't work, then one of us sit in the back with her. We try to comfort her with talking, stroking/patting, playing the Tibetan monks chanting on the iPod etc. If that doesn't work we make a decision about whether we should stop and feed/comfort or just push on to our destination. It depends on how close we are, ant time pressures etc.

At worst she cries until we arrive but she doesn't cry alone.

For a long car trip I guess we would try and make time for frequent stops to attempt feeding/settling, or at least give her a break for a few minutes. And one of us would sit with her and offer comfort measures

[1blueheron]

i'd travel at night and/or take an extra couple of days to break up that long drive.

[mumkimum]

We've often had me sit in the backseat, and left early am or late at night when kiddo normally falls asleep. I wouldn't give benardyl, but would probably consider homeopathic stuff (calms forte, flower essenses, teething tabs) if the crying was in addition to doing either of the above AND continued along with frequent (hourly or so) stops as possible for nursing/changing/standing up. Ideally, I'd try to break this into a 2-part trip for such a difficult traveler.

With our kids, ignoring has never helped during the 'I hate riding in the car phases' and I would never have kiddo out of the carseat during a trip.

[mamazee]

We plan trips around nap time, so sleep takes up travel time. But I wouldn't do an 8-hours-in-one-day trip with a baby or young child. I'd break it up over two days and have a long stop each day as well. But we're lucky to have the financial resources for the hotel and extra meals.

Anyway, tough situation!

[confustication]

I've done longer treks than that with a baby- he tolerated the car, but didn't love it. We broke it up, ate lunches at parks where he could be outside getting fresh air/go on a swing/etc and so on. Sometimes we would camp along the way and other times we stopped at hotels- hotels with pools especially.

Ultimately though, if it had been 8 hours of screaming- I would have stopped well before hour 8, and we would have made our polite apologies, knowing that the whole family would want what was best for the child.

[Ninetales]

Taking baby out of the seat while driving would never be an option for me. Nor would drugging just for sedation. My daughter does well in the car but if she is upset I can usually get her calm with a binky. Usually when she's fussy in the car it's because she's tired and the binky helps her fall asleep.

We did a 12 hour trip (supposed to be 10 hours but you know how it is with a kid) when she was seven weeks old and had to make more stops for nursings, diaper changes, soothing when she wouldn't calm down, etc. but I think she did well for the majority. But if I thought she'd be inconsolable in the car we wouldn't have gone. Not even for a big event like that. It's unfortunate, but that's life with a little one.

[Jenne]

Thanks for the opinions! I appreciate the variety of perspectives!

Jenne

[dahlialia]

DD does (relatively) well in the car, and driving with her is still hard. We just did 6.5 or 7 hours driving in the car (2.5 hours of which was unexpected - very slow border crossing!). We watched baby einsteins over and over while I nursed her, stretched over the carseat, for the last 3 hours.

I'd stay home

[pammysue]

I agree with all the PPs. We recently went on a seven hour trip w/2 yr old DS1 and 2 mo old DS2. We planned for the trip to take extra long with lots of stops and me sitting in the back (uncomfortably) when they weren't asleep.

I am surprised a baby cried for 6 hours in the car without falling asleep.

As far as taking the baby out-I know a family where the Mom took baby out of the car seat while driving "just for a second" because the baby was choking on a bottle. In that instant they were in an accident. The child was so severely disabled they could not care for her in their home and she died when she was 16.

[ann_of_loxley]

That is a VERY long road trip for ANYONE!...not just a baby!

I would either not go - because thats an unrealistic expectation. (and find some other way to help celebrate a beloved family members birthday - Skype is a great idea - thats what it was invented for! lol) or plan for it to take ages - maybe even plan to stop the night somewhere if the distance is great enough. But deff plan to take many many stops.

I would probably just stay home - easier on everyone that way! lol Its for forever. Children grow fast!

DS was 1 and a half when we went down to Cornwall to go camping. A four hour trip ended up taking 7 hours because he was just not happy about being in the car that long and he has always LOVED the car... That is just too long for such a small child to sit still for though!

[Norasmomma]

What kind of carseat? I only ask because DS HATED, I mean reaaallllyyy hated the bucket seat. He's been better since we got a convertible, many babies cry in bucket seats because they are just plain uncomfortable. We've had less episodes of crying in the car.

To answer I'd break the trip up, if it is really that important. Two 4 hour jaunts aren't nearly as bad. I'm doing a 9 hour drive with 2 young kids(4 and 10 months) in 2 weeks, we'll be breaking the trip up. Plus there isn't anyway for me to sit in the back, yes that seems to be the easiest answer, but what if you have other kids? I have 2 in a sedan and my butt isn't fitting between them, so I guess we'll deal with screaming if it happens. There really isn't some easy cut and dried answer. I wouldn't drug them, but by golly I have herbal remedies like chamomile and such to try to calm them.

[lucy_v]

I've got a 5mo who's the same way so I don't have a solution yet, but I wouldn't choose any of the options you listed. What we are going to try next is:

- A DVD player (actually I'd prefer an iPad but it's too $$!)
- A convertible seat, but this baby may aready be in one

Can they fly to the party?