I would like to share what happened today...

[Thing1Thing2]

I would like to share my experience with my 2 year old today. Maybe it will help me detox from what happened. My heart is still broken at the thought of my little boy crying on the floor saying "Mama no like me!"... I would first like to tell you that I and my DS are sensitive people, so that I don't come off as overly emotional.

I evoked some very real feelings in my son that I don't think he has been expressing until today. I tell my son I love him all the time. I hold him in my arms and kiss him I nurse him whenever he asks. But my actions should agree with my words.

When I'm trying to get him to leave a place I know he wants to stay at, I usually say "It's time to go bye-bye", and then give him a few minutes more. Then I ask again. When he still doesn't come and he cries to stay, I usually *act* like I'm going to leave by saying "bye bye, we go bye bye..." and then walk away as if Im going to leave him. I don't go too far, and never out of his sight. He usually sees me going and then follows along, but today at the dr's office (toys in the corner) he really thought I was going to leave him behind.

He fell asleep in the car, but when we got home he started crying and saying "mama no like me." He cried for 15 minutes on the floor while DH and I tried to hold him, distract him and sing to him. He would have none of it and got madder everytime I tried to comfort him. We tried to figure out what had happened. Then we finally understood that he really thought we were going to leave him because I didn't like him.

He pushed me away and came close and then pushed me away again. He refused "nah-nah". It was so heartbreaking to see my DS like this. Besides the fact that he is a sensitive boy, I think any child would have a problem with thinking his parents are going "bye-bye" without him.

When we finally figured it out, I apologized and vowed I would never do that again. If I want him to come with me, I will have to pick him up and carry him even if he's crying. It's the harder way to do things and I hate to see him cry. I realize now that what I was doing seemed like it was working, but it was hurting him.

I just wanted to share this and I hope it doesn't violate any of the forums rules. Because of the realization of what I have been doing for the past year I feel like a terrible mother. My heart is still breaking and it feels good getting it off my chest.

Thanks for listening...

[Limabean1975]

Parentlng is a constant learning experience. Thank you for posting about YOUR learning experience...many of us (myself included) will learn something from it.

[Baby_Cakes]

Aww, mama. You didn't know you were troubling him! I'm glad you were able to figure this out and are going to work to change it.

I do this all the time w/DD. Only, she usually waves and says, "Bye!" right back and keeps on doing whatever she's doing! Not trying to make light of your situation at all, just saying that all kids are different, and that it's important to listen and observe how our children react to what we say and do.

[amberskyfire]

Oh, hon! I'm so sorry

I remember something I read a few years ago that I liked and now use. Maybe you could try it and see if it works for you guys, too.

Teach your child to climb on your back whenever you crouch down. When he climbs on, carry him around piggyback. Make it fun. Do it at home and at the park. Once a day or so is good to keep in the habit. That's what we do. I don't do it too much. I don't want DD to get too used to it. It's supposed to be a treat.

Then, whenever you have to leave someplace, crouch down and your little one will usually come running and climb onto your back willingly. Then you can have a fun piggy-back ride to the car. Just make sure that you don't only do it when leaving someplace. Do it whenever you are having fun, too, or just around the house. It works for us

[Thing1Thing2]

Thanks for all the hugs ladies.

Limabean, I do feel like I have constantly been learning. It seems my DS has forgotten the incident ever happened, so glad that he has gained his confidence back. Children forgive and forget so easily. Adults find it harder to forget. That is a goal that I have to work towards.

Thanks for the encouragement Baby Cakes. You are right about each child being different, and I appreciate the new perspective you have. Not that you were making light of it, but your kind words helped me to be a little easier on myself about it.

Amberskyfire, that is a great idea and I plan to start teaching him to climb on my back today!