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Opposite sex locker room: age limit?

post #1 of 69
8/1/10 at 12:51am
Thread Starter 
My family and I went to swimming today and when we were ready to go home. I walked into women's locker room with my children and I saw that a 7 or 8 years old boy naked as he was putting his clothes on but he was facing the wall. I was startled because my dd1 is 7 years old and I was glad that she didn't see or even knew that the boy was there. She was just minding her own business walking through the locker room as we were heading out of the building. If she had turned her head left and she would have saw him.

I told my husband and he wondered about the age limit of going into another sex's locker room. So, I asked the lady at the cashier if there was any age limit and she was speechless and basically said "We don't really have age limit because sometimes one of the parents did not want their child to go into the locker room alone and preferred to have their children with them." I told her that I understand that but the boy was about 7 or 8 years old and he was naked in women's locker room. My daughter is 7 and she could have seen him naked. She looked like she was "stuck" and didn't really know what else to say. I told her, "its ok" and I left. I can understand the feeling of being a single parent (I was a single mother before ) and didn't want my child to be anywhere alone for many reasons.

I have been to several other places before and the age limit tend to be 5 years old.

I'm just wondering whats everyone's opinion of the age limit to go in another sex's locker room?
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post #2 of 69
8/1/10 at 12:59am
My SIL manages a pool at a local university. We take swim lessons there. They have posted signs that no one over 5 can be in opposite sex locker rooms. They have two family Rest rooms. My boys are 5, and the family rest rooms are often busy. I will keep them with me until they turn 6, because I don't really have much choice.

I personally think that 5 is too young to make the limit, but I understand that they feel the need to make a limit somewhere.
post #3 of 69
8/1/10 at 1:00am
well, I have no experience in this YET as my DS is 6 months. But, IMO, I think that until a kid is old enough to be home by himself, he's not old enough to go change in a locker room by himself.
I know you are worried about your DS, but in my mind the risk of what could happen to him alone in an adult male locker room is much more serious that a 7yo possibly seeing each other naked. Plus, it sounds as if the mother and the boy were being respectful with him facing the wall and all.

Now, we are in a decent sized city, I suppose if this was in a really small town where everyone knows everyone else, that would be a different story,

I just asked my DH about this though, and he had a totally different opinion!
post #4 of 69
8/1/10 at 1:02am
Quote:
Originally Posted by zmom2010 View Post
well, I have no experience in this YET as my DS is 6 months. But, IMO, I think that until a kid is old enough to be home by himself, he's not old enough to go change in a locker room by himself.
I know you are worried about your DD, but in my mind the risk of what could happen to him alone in an adult male locker room is much more serious that a 7yo possibly seeing each other naked. Plus, it sounds as if the mother and the boy were being respectful with him facing the wall and all.

Now, we are in a decent sized city, I suppose if this was in a really small town where everyone knows everyone else, that would be a different story,

I just asked my DH about this though, and he had a totally different opinion!
A great big that to the bolded. I honestly wouldnt have a problem with my dd seeing the boy especially from the back but that is just me. I dont know yet when I will be ok with ds going to the bathroom alone in public but he is 5 right now and I am no where near ok with him going alone yet.
post #5 of 69
8/1/10 at 1:05am
I would let my oldest (ten in a few months) go into a locker room by himself, but I wouldn't have when he was 7, and probably not even 8. Aside from it being problematic (for me) to send a little boy in to a room to get naked with grown men (who are also naked), a lot of locker rooms exit to the pool, and though my son couldn't swim at that age, he thought he could and was very impulsive. Also, I doubt he would have come out on his own - too much fun stuff to mess with. I'd rather have my 7 year old daughter see a naked boy (and, honestly, she has brothers and a father, so it's not like it's something she hasn't seen before) than for another mother to have to worry about her son getting molested or drowning or otherwise getting hurt.
post #6 of 69
8/1/10 at 1:24am
Our pool has a strict age limit; if a child is over 5 the child cannot enter the locker room of the other sex. Even though there are private changing stalls, etc.

But, there is a family changing room-- this is what we use if I have all of my kids with me, frankly it is easier because I can lock the door and there is a shower and a bathroom there.

We see each other changing, but my boys hate going into the ladies room, and no way would they be comfortable changing in the middle of the locker room like that, even if it was the men's room.

I'm surprised they don't have a family changing room. I wouldn't send my boys in the locker room alone to change, but I wouldn't make them change in the middle of the ladies' room either. I would *at least* use a stall.
post #7 of 69
8/1/10 at 1:40am
our ymca has a 4 y/o limit according to a posted , which is INSANE!! My almost 4 y/o can't dress himself AT ALL and I take him to the gym/pool all the time!

I couldn't care less who my kid sees naked. That's not something I worry about, I've got bigger fish to fry. Like having him not run away while *I'M* still naked :
This isn't an issue for me, but it must be for other people or there wouldn't be a sign.
post #8 of 69
8/1/10 at 1:44am
7-8 year olds can be squirrelly about going in to dressing rooms alone. I have seen the best behavior turn into need to play with showers, wait for a stall when there are empty ones, et.

Also, you don't know if that is a tall 5 year old (btdt).

IMO, you should take the attitude you would have taken if it was a 7-8 year old girl no big deal. Teach your child there are times you don't stare and move on. Seeing another child naked isn't going to do any harm.

We have friends that quit swimming for a while because she could no longer take her child with cerebral palsy through the locker room. Even though she would use the handicap stall and you have to actually stick your head through the curtain. She would warn people before they came through. She had to obtain a lawyer.
post #9 of 69
8/1/10 at 1:50am
The pool where we take swimming lessons has a 5 yo age limit. My DS cannot dress himself - taking off wet swimwear, especially the rash guard tops, is difficult. Plus I do not want him in the men's changing room alone. There is no family changing room at this pool. We no longer walk to lessons, and drive so that I can get him home before he gets cold (we've had a cool summer where we are) or else we change in the car, or right next to the car, in the parking lot.

I feel like under 10 yo should be the requirement for opposite gender changing rooms.
post #10 of 69
8/1/10 at 2:12am
I don't think it would have bothered me for my own child to see another child of the opposite sex naked. But, I wouldn't have wanted a seven or eight yr old looking at ME naked. That's why I like that our gym has a "nobody under age 12" rule. I don't want to feel uncomfortable in my own gym. Now, if the child was looking the other way.. (they never do.. they always watch me dress) I probably wouldn't care. But, I really don't like undressing in front of kids. Boy or girl.

I also wouldn't want my own child to feel uncomfortable undressing in front of others. Especially if there was even the slightest chance that another kid that might be watching could be in her school. She'd have been mortified.
post #11 of 69
8/1/10 at 2:22am
My dd is 5.5 and I cannot imagine letting her go into a dressing room without me or dp anytime soon. There is just no way. If a pool enforced a rule like that and had no family dressing rooms, we just wouldn't go there (well, assuming i had an opposite sex child, or dp was going to take dd). AND I'd be pretty upset about it. I really doubt I'd think twice about my dd seeing a 7 y/o boy naked in the locker room, whether it be now or when she's that age too, though i can kind of see how it might be an issue if it was somebody she knew from school.

I'm torn, because I'd like to see our culture less scared of the natural body (as opposed to a "sexy" body in the media, etc), but at the same time I can't stand how pool changing rooms don't typically have many private places to change, if at all. dd will still change her clothes in completely public places without a second thought, and it doesn't bother me either. However *I* am a very modest person and don't appreciate being made to be a nudist if I want to go swimming. Anyway, I think that would be a good middle ground in this situation, because then a child of that age could go into the opposite sex's changing room, but have a stall to change in.
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post #12 of 69
8/1/10 at 3:13am
Our locker room at the local rec center is 5. However, I find 5 far too young. At 5, ds couldn't get himself showered, dried and changed. At 5, he probably looked like he was 7 or 8, by the way. He is tall for his age (his height at 6 was the size of an average 8 year old).

It wasn't an issue for us, because our rec center has family changing rooms. Even now, my kids prefer the family changing rooms to going into one without a parent. Our son is 9, and only in the last year or two would he consider changing alone. I wouldn't have let him before age 8 or so anyway. I still worry about someone molesting him, which is why we do the family changing room. (Well that and the fact that I can keep him on task and make sure he washes his hair.)

Having kids of the opposite sex see my body doesn't bother me. My kids are often in the room when I get dressed. I realize that's not the norm for American culture, but I'd rather have kids (under ~11) in the changing room with their parents.
post #13 of 69
8/1/10 at 3:31am
At our park district the age limit is six. There is no family changing room, but there are two stalls on the pool deck specifically for dressing kids with special needs, or other kids who are beyond the age limit but still need help dressing so that an opposite-sex parent has a way to assist them.

Our 7.5 yo is just now able to efficiently get his bottom half dried off and pull on sweat pants in under twenty minutes and get past his modesty enough to not spend another ten minutes trying to hide in a locker or find some way to do it all inside a towel. In the summer I just take them home in towel-dried swimsuits. In the winter it's harder.

I understand the need for the age limits - our son does not want to see girls changing any more than he wants them to see him...but IMO family changing areas are an absolute necessity. At 7.5 I do not feel good about sending him into a men's general locker room to change alone. At our park district, there is a small locker room for just the pool (not the gym) and at the time we are there, the pool is only used for kids' swimming lessons, so I am okay with that. But if he had to go into the general gym men's locker room alone - no, no, no way. In that situation I would just towel dry his trunks the best I could, help him put a pair of sweats over them and then snow pants over those, and head home, or go someplace with a women's bathroom I could get him into to put on dry clothes.
post #14 of 69
8/1/10 at 4:31am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
I don't think it would have bothered me for my own child to see another child of the opposite sex naked. But, I wouldn't have wanted a seven or eight yr old looking at ME naked. That's why I like that our gym has a "nobody under age 12" rule. I don't want to feel uncomfortable in my own gym. Now, if the child was looking the other way.. (they never do.. they always watch me dress) I probably wouldn't care. But, I really don't like undressing in front of kids. Boy or girl.

I also wouldn't want my own child to feel uncomfortable undressing in front of others. Especially if there was even the slightest chance that another kid that might be watching could be in her school. She'd have been mortified.

The bold up above was one of my concern but my main concern is my dd1 was molested by her 11 years old cousin (boy) several years ago. She has been through therapy to learn the boundaries and etc. I didn't want her to be traumatized or to have some of her behaviors triggered again.

I wish the place I went had a family room because I would use that rather than the locker room to "protect" my dd1/children.

My husband even said, if he was alone with my dd1 and he would never take her to men's locker room b/c my dd1 is old enough to go through the women's locker room by herself and meet him at the other end. But he is concerned because he wonders the scenario of having to take our currently 1 yr old twins when they are between the age of 3 to 5 in the men's locker room.

We always put our bathing suit on at home when going to swimming and would shower then change into our clothes at home after swimming.
post #15 of 69
8/1/10 at 4:48am
Wow, I think I would demand a family changing room if our pool didn't have one.

I agree, it is unreasonable to have 6+ children changing by themselves. I would just take my kids home wet or change in the car without family changing rooms.

Because, on the other hand, I think it is fair to have kids know that there won't be an older child of the opposite sex in the room. At our pool there are a lot of girls showering, changing without a parent. It is only fair that they have the safety of knowing that an older boy can not walk in the room! And the showers are all open, and you have to walk past them to get to the pool.

I would demand a family changing room!
post #16 of 69
8/1/10 at 12:03pm
I wouldn't have had an issue with it. I don't think nudity is a big deal.
post #17 of 69
8/1/10 at 12:04pm
For some reason I have more of a problem with a girl being in the men's locker room over a certain age that I do with a boy being in the women's locker room over a certain age. As a whole I am more wary of any child being alone in a men's locker room than I am of said child being in the women's locker room. This is probably a side effect from being molested as a child, but I see the majority of women as being mothering and or nurturing type figures that would protect or help a child in need, as opposed to a minority of men. That is not to say that all men are more likely to molest or not help, but I think there is more likely to be a molester within a group of males than a group of female -- as low of a chance there is of either group containing one at all. I, as a single parent, am terrified of the point in time rolling around at which I have to send my son into a bathroom alone. At 3-years-old, that day is, thankfully, at least a couple of years away...

That said, I have had to send my child into a men's restroom...There was a line to Timbuktu for the women's restroom and my just turned 3-year-old really had to go. There wasn't a line at all to the men's restroom. I stood at the door and waited for a father with children walking in and asked if he could just keep an eye on him when he went. He asked if he needed help going (looking really nervous about it...Micah is small for his age so he probably looked just under or just over 2), and I said he could do it, I was just nervous about sending him in alone. He then looked relieved and agreed, which made me feel better. I was extremely nervous the entire time and was prepared to waltz in if my personal time limit was exceeded, but I did what I had to do at the time...
post #18 of 69
8/1/10 at 12:11pm
My ds wouldn't have been ready to go into a men's changing room and change by himself at 7 and 8. I think he's just reaching that point now that he's turning 9.
post #19 of 69
8/1/10 at 12:22pm
I avoid the whole situation by taking ds into the family restroom to change. It's the women's restroom, but we go into a stall.

They do have kid's locker rooms where we go, but adults use them too. I think I would be able to send ds into the boy's locker room if I could peek in first and see who's in there.

ETA: There are locker rooms for kids because they aren't allowed in the adult locker rooms. I think adults shouldn't be allowed to use the kid's locker room. I don't mean adults with kids - random adults will walk in and use them because they are closer to the pool and the aerobics room.
post #20 of 69
8/1/10 at 12:39pm
We have a age 5 limit at our ymca. However there 7 family changing rooms. I0
have never had to wait to use one. I use them all the time as it is waaay easier to get the kids and myseff together in one small room then in the gian locker room where they like to wander! I can not imagine having an age limit as young as five with out ample family rooms.
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