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Queer Conceptions - August - Page 9

post #161 of 406
Thread Starter 
Ok I think I moved everyone around correctly, but please let me know if you're not in the right place.

2happymamas I wouldn't stress too much at all till you see the next results. My RE actually let me do a second beta when my HCG was 3. something, just to be extra extra sure. I would also suggest increasing your thyroid meds, and possibly switching to a natural thyroid like Armour. Do you know if your hypothyroid is from auto-immune like hashimotos? If you go to yahoogroups and look up naturalthyroidhormones there is a great group there and they have a lot of experience dealing with doctors and test results and can give great advice.

Scarlett I'm so excited your timing is going to work out!! It's great you're feeling so relaxed, especially with all the extra stress. I agree with the other ladies on timing, though I haven't worked with frozen myself.

Escher I would absolutely try other RE's. Also, I'm sorry for not remembering all the details, but can you tell me a little more about your insurance and what your TTC needs are? Does your insurance require referrals to see specialists? I went and got a lot of my own testing done, mostly coded for painful periods and hypothyroid. I've had my thyroid including antibodies and reverse t3 checked, all my hormones, and glucose and c-peptide for insulin resistance. That all uncovered a lot of issues. I also went to a hematologist and had a ton of blood clotting tests run. For your IUI if you need meds and monitoring, often OBGYNs are comfortable with ordering the low level meds like femara and clomid, and doing ultrasounds. Otherwise ICI sounds like it could be a good option, though I understand your reasons for liking your current bank. I agree also that sticking with this clinic while you decide could be a good decision so you don't have to sit out a cycle.

Beastie it's great to see you back!! I'm so glad things are going great so far, and I know your next ultrasound will continue that trend.

Gelly I'm sorry things are so stressy for you. I totally understand. I think you could be making a good decision taking a little break and letting your system relax and start fresh.
About homebirth - it may depend on your midwife what they will transfer you or send you to a hospital for. There are a lot of midwives here who will deliver breach or twins (possibly even triplets) at home. There are also gentle techniques for turning a breach into the right position.

Maxk I'm sorry you're having to stick with the itchy progesterone! I have heard that it can be an allergy to peanut oil? Maybe there are some types that aren't horribly expensive but use sesame oil or something instead?

Speaking of which, I probably won't be using my current midwife for birthing, even though I do like her. She's been awesome about ordering tests and stuff, plus she had her son through KD, so she really knows the whole process. But she totally flipped out on me for taking clomid. I understand there are risks, but I still feel it's the right choice. Especially considering I've taken it for two cycles now and not gotten pregnant AT ALL! I mean even if I'm popping a ton of eggs, what are the chances that they ALL get fertilized and then ALL implant? From what I've read, the incidence of higher order multiples is *very* small, and even the chance of twins is only raised like 5% or something. But she was all "If you have triplets you WILL have a hospital birth, and end up with a C-section and babies in the NICU!!!" Which yeah, of course there's a chance of that, and of course that's an outcome I'd like to avoid. But I don't believe that *has* to happen with triplets, or that it can't happen with a singleton. But really, I hardly think after 2 cycles of not getting pregnant at all, that I'm somehow going to have 6 babies implant!

In other news, I think we may be sitting this cycle out. We were able to reach our friend last night, woot! It sounds like he has scheduling issues but not any other concerns. I was happy that he said "I don't want to set exact dates and flake, so I'm not going to make a commitment til I know I can keep it". That makes me feel a lot more confident. It looks like we will hopefully have things figured out in the next week or so, but it looks like he may not be able to get time off work soon. So we may be going down to Orange County! Or figuring out having it shipped possibly. And we still have our current donor as a fallback. I think this could be really good for my system too, since it'll give me a month off the clomid. Maybe my lining and cm can recover a little. And I think a Cancer might have a little easier time in our family than a Gemini, so that could work too hehe.
post #162 of 406
Thread Starter 
I'm having a horrible day. AF is here, I'm in agonizing pain, it's hard knowing we have to take the cycle off, and I'm stressed about the donor situation. Additionally, why are people such idiots?

I imagine you have to go through different idiotic insensitive stuff being in a lesbian relationship? As much as I adore my husband, there are parts of me that think it would be so much easier if things were different. If I'd married a woman I'd have known she couldn't make sperm and not gotten all emotionally invested in that, and not wasted 4 years and thousands of dollars while deciding to use a donor. If I were single I could just date guys and maybe "oops!". I mean it's a lot easier to walk up to a random guy and offer him sex than "Hey, btw I'm married and...can you give us some sperm?" lol.

And people just say the dumbest most hurtful things. But I imagine a lot of them are the same, or different but equally bad if I were married to a woman. I'd probably still get all of the "It will happen at the right time", and "Maybe it's just not God's will". Probably even *more* of the "God's will" kind of things. And people would still think they have the right to judge whether or not you deserve kids, or your relationship is stable enough, or you make enough money or whatever. Why do people think that just because you have to *try* to have a baby instead of it accidentally happening, they can offer an opinion that you shouldn't?

It's hard too because it seems like my husband doesn't want to tell everyone. Or at least not all the details of us using a donor. So here's the conversation I just had with a new-ish friend:

Me: I think we're going to sit this cycle out
Me: Give my body a chance to rest up from the meds and I think a Cancer might fit in a little better with our family than an Aries/Gemini anyway lol
Him: O.o You really plan this out.
Me: oh god you have no idea
Me: I don't *want* to take the cycle off, it just looks like we probably should for a bunch of reasons, so I'm trying to find reasons that it's a good thing
Him: Maybe you are creating too much pressure and too much expectations.
Me: what's the other option?
Him: Just relax, stop planning it all and start just enjoying.
Him: Let it happen naturally without questioning the little details.
Me: yeah that's not gonna work in our situation. It's been almost 4.5 years and the doctors give us a less than 1% chance of it ever happening without medical intervention
Me: we tried that for the first 2 years
Him: Maybe not meant to be?

I went on to explain that I knew he wasn't that familiar with infertility and didn't *mean* to hurt me, but that's about the most hurtful thing you can say to someone going through infertility. That basically it's like saying "Hey, maybe you don't deserve to have kids! Maybe you should just give up on the only goal that makes your life worth living!".

He said he didn't mean it that way, but of course couldn't come up with any *other* way he meant it or meaning it could have. Then later he tried to say that he didn't know that much about our situation and maybe it's not meant to happen "au naturale". But if that's the case, why did he say it AFTER I told him about our situation?

I'm trying SO hard to be ok with sitting out yet another cycle, and not being sure if we're making the right choice on donors or if it's ever going to work. And it's been so long, and we've tried so many different things (IVF, two adoptions, 2 medicated fresh donor cycles) a big part of me is just scared what if he's right? What if we're never able to get kids ANY way?
post #163 of 406
gellybeangrl- I know what you mean about both being down after the BGN and about stress. I feel stress is also a factor in my life; unfortunately it’s my work and getting my EDD and buying a house. All really positive things! If you know your sister’s family is going to be leaving by next cycle then it might be worth it to wait. Is there another family member they could live with for a while? I have taken 3 different cycles off over the past year. The break was always relaxing.

prettyisa- Welcome, we usually say “may your stay be short and sweet!” In your case, I hope it is educational. There are some many things I wish I knew before I started, like if you have low motility sperm, only do an IUI with it! It’s great you have been charting your cycle. What do you mean, “poking at your cervix”? All you have to do is visually look to see if it looks soft or firm and if the opening is small or larger toward the time you think you are ovulating.

Bunny- Sorry you are having such a rough time. I think AF just makes everything 10x worse for me. Whatever painful thing someone said to you, just try to forget it. It sounds like from your conversation the said person has no concept of what you are going through and your desire to have a kid. I have a few friends like that; I have learned to not talk with them about the details. For someone who doesn’t see those things as important, they are going to have a hard time sympathizing with you. My advice is to talk to people who understand or at least loving enough to just listen.

AFM- I took Clomid yesterday and have had a headache ever since. I have been taking Acetaminophen but it doesn't seem to help very much. It might sound crazy, but I want to go re-fill my Femara like I should have in the first place. My Dr wanted me to stay on Femara and I was the one who insisted on trying Clomid.
post #164 of 406
We missed it. Never got a +OPK, but got ovulation confirmation tonight.
post #165 of 406
Originally Posted by Miss Scarlett View Post
We missed it. Never got a +OPK, but got ovulation confirmation tonight.
Miss Scarlett~ I am so sorry that you missed it. Dogon OPK's...

MaxK~ I have no idea when my sister and her family will be leaving...they could be here for a few months. We don't have any other family for her to go to live with. She knows how hard we are ttc...she even offered to be a surrogate, it's more her boyfriend that is causing all the stress. He does not respect my DW and has this testostrone driven competition going on with her. Not to mention that his is a complete idiot and an ass. I wish that my sister would leave him...but they just had a baby, so she wants to make it work for the sake of the kids. Oh and it is his fault that they are homeless...he doesn't want to work and is horrible with money. She has been supporting them but she was laid off as a teacher because she was not tenured. The man actually had an argument with me about a hippo being a reptile not a mammal. Mr. Smarty pants wants to be an architect...that's why he can't work, he needs to be free to go to school and study.

AFM~ DW and I talked about taking a month off...the more I think about it the sadder I get. We will have to make up our minds fast I'm set to start clomid on Friday.
post #166 of 406
damn, scarlett... that really sucks. i'm so sorry.
post #167 of 406
Originally Posted by Miss Scarlett View Post
We missed it. Never got a +OPK, but got ovulation confirmation tonight.
Awwww shit........ that happened to us before. For some reason, OPK's stopped working for us... they never got positive anymore. It made us miss one month and made the timing more difficult after that... thats when and why) we switched to monitored clomid and trigger shot cycles.

Take it EZ... rest up and build your strength...

But it sucks... I'm sorry !!

post #168 of 406
miss scarlett - oh no!! that does really suck. hugs to you.

gellybeangirl - wow, what a difficult situation. while i understand wanting to help your sister out, please be sure this doesn't turn into a long-term deal...stress is very counter-productive to ttc, especially stress that is over an extended period. dp's family has a long history of loser husbands/boyfriends/fiances and in all the time we've been together - 7+ years - it has never gotten any better with any of the men. reading between the lines it sounds to me like your sister is in the same boat. try and work out a date that they have to leave by and explain to your sister that loser bf needs to get a job!!

fwiw, my dp is an architect. it takes 4 years of school plus grad school plus logged experience plus sitting aia exams to become a registered architect. EVEN if you do them all back to back that would take 8 years+? and they don't make as much money as everyone thinks.

post #169 of 406
Isa~ Welcome! I hope your stay will be short. October's a good time to start. Do you have a kd or are you online shopping?

Scarlett~ What a nightmare, I'm so so sorry.

Gelly~ A nightmare for you too. Taking the time off feels like failure, even though it's not. Biggest hugs.

Max~ Sorry about the headache. I wonder what would happen if you took femara AND clomid? You'd end up with a litter! Best of luck to you x
post #170 of 406
2mamas~ What's the news on your second beta?

No news here~ I've not been very hungry, but I've been quite tired and cranky. And someone keyed our new car last night. I'm now starting to feel specifically harassed by our neighbors. Hope the rest of the day is better.
post #171 of 406
gellybeangrl: Living with family is always stressful. Hopefully it will not be long term.

prettyisa: Welcome.

Bunny: Sorry you have to deal with such ignorance. I think it's better to focus on those people in your life that are supportive and loving.

Max: Sorry the Clomid is giving you a headache. Hopefully it goes away soon.

Miss Scarlett: So sorry you missed your chance this month. That happened to me last month. It's so frustrating to miss an opportunity. I hope this coming cycle is clear and results in a BFP.

Library: That's terrible about your new car. We had that happen a couple of years ago with a brand new car. People can be such a holes. I hope it's not your neighbors. Bad neighbors are a bummer - my next door neighbor is a psycho. And she is retired army so I worry she has guns.

AFM: Expecting AF any minute. In a way that would be good, but I'm worried that my LP might be a little short. So I'm hoping for at least a 10 day LP. That would mean AF at the earliest tomorrow.
post #172 of 406
Hi Everyone,

Solejean: I hope your LP works out to be a great length!

Library: I'm sorry about your car! I hope the rest of your day was much better.

Gelly: I'm sorry you're having to deal with having stressful people living with you. Good luck both with being patient and with setting limits! Taking a break from TTC can be very hard, I think, but it does sound like you have a lot on your plate right now.

Scarlett: Oh! I'm so sorry. What a disappointment! How are you doing?

Max: How are you feeling today with the clomid? I hope better!

Bunny: People can be so insensitive. I'm so sorry you had to have that conversation. I think you're right that unless you've gone through the experience (of TTC, of dealing with infertility, of using donor sperm, whatever) it is hard to recognize how emotionally wrenching it is. But I don't think that gives anyone the right to say idiotic things! There are examples all over of people who can easily get pregnant but who aren't ready to be good parents. But it is definitely hard when it is the opposite--you're ready to be good parents, but it isn't so easy getting the baby. I understand your discouragement. I've felt it too, and you've been through a lot. But you're just starting the donor route, and it seems like it often takes a few cycles to work. I don't think your new-ish friend is right at all. Sometimes things are hard, but that doesn't mean they are impossible. [All of this is just to say that I read your post and couldn't not respond. I hear you. It's hard. You're doing a great job.]

Prettyisa: Welcome! This is a wonderful group, I think. I'm glad you found us!

AFM: Does anyone feel like taking a peak at my chart to see when you think I might have ovulated? Here is is: FF thinks I ovulated on day 15, which I think does make sense based only on temps. But I'm sort of wondering if I ovulated on day 12, since I had more EW around then, my cervix was softer, and I had a pos opk. Most cycles I seem to ovulate either the day I get a pos opk or the day after. What do you all think? Thanks!
post #173 of 406
MAJOR disappointment...just got the call from my doc's office. My pregesterone test came back 1.6! I feel so bummed. This was my first cycle on clomid. I didn't chart my temps, and only did OPK's. I did 3, yes, THREE, different brands. All 3 tested positive on cd14. (We did b2b IUI's on cd15, 12 hours apart.) My idea of being somewhat hopeful/excited went completly downhill to nothing.

I picked up progesterone suppositories this afternoon. I'll start them tonight. Not looking forward to that twice daily. Doc wants to repeat the cycle next month - 50mg with the prog. I wish he were more aggressive, but he's the doc.

To make matters worse, DP and I are not having a good week together. Aside from the pressure of 2WW, her work schedule, and our DS starting school, things aren't looking good in our house.
post #174 of 406
escher, i def think it's possible you O'd on CD12-13 (maybe overnight)... with a slow rise. which it seems as though you have had before...

2ez, wow... that seems really low for a clomid cycle... what DPO was that test taken on? maybe the lab screwed up... when i had my betas drawn my P4 levels were 20 @ 12DPO, 39 @ 14DPO, and 21 @ 17DPO... the nurse said levels can fluctuate but probably not that much. point being the lab did a bad job at one point or another. maybe that was the case here?? maybe the lab tech had an "off" day?
ps. a +opk doesn't mean you will actually O... :

solejean, i'm hoping AF holds out for another day or two... at least! FX

library, WTH?! sorry to hear about your car... what a bummer!

gelly, i hope taking the cycle off is relaxing... i know the couple of times we had to break while TTC we were at first really bummed/sad but then we felt better as a week or two went by and just enjoyed it!

max, sorry about your headache... i've always had them so i never did really know if clomid was causing them or not... it's too bad you are regretting your choice to change but maybe it'll be worth it in the end!

bunny, what a crappy conversation to have with a friend... i've totally been there. there is this lady at work who says almost everyday, "it'll happen when it's your time, honey" (she doesn't know about the BFP yet) and i just want to scream in her face... "IT IS TIME, DAMN YOU! HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?! this is costing me thousands and thousand of dollars, do you know how stressful that is???" sorry, i didn't want to make that about me... i guess it bothers me more than i talk about it. anyway, i'm thinking about you. xo

prettyisa, welcome (even though i "graduated") you are going to love it here!! you will be so much more prepared for joining early... i think i lurked for a month or two and then joined a month or two before we started TTC.

afm, so far so good... feeling all sorts of mild Sx, so i will take that as a good sign. it's sort of starting to sink in...
post #175 of 406
I wish that were the case, but my doc doesn't even think I O'd. My CM wasn't its usual, but I blamed the clomid for the change and trusted the OPK's. (I used three different brands and all said +.) I can almost always tell when I O, based on cervical position and CM.

To solve my sadness...the wine bottle has been opened. DP isn't home from work yet, so atleast DS and I have a little relaxing time together.
post #176 of 406
Oops...I forgot the most important part - I did the prog test on cd21 (6dpo).
post #177 of 406
Miss Scarlett- so sorry about missing O. I know it can feel heart breaking to miss a cycle.

AFM- I still have my headache and I threw up at work today. I think I'm gonna stop taking it for this cycle. I can't deal with the headache anymore.
post #178 of 406
14DPO: HCG (43), Progesterone (42)
16DPO: HCG (89), Progesterone (27)

It doubled! It's still lower than they would like to see, but it doubled. I have another beta on Friday to see if it doubles again. If so, they are going to schedule an ultrasound. I kinda wondered about twins because I had two mature follicles at IUI, but I can probably stop thinking about that, huh?

post #179 of 406
Originally Posted by 2happymamas View Post
14DPO: HCG (43), Progesterone (42)
16DPO: HCG (89), Progesterone (27)

It doubled! It's still lower than they would like to see, but it doubled. I have another beta on Friday to see if it doubles again. If so, they are going to schedule an ultrasound. I kinda wondered about twins because I had two mature follicles at IUI, but I can probably stop thinking about that, huh?

i'm so happy for you mama!!! FX for another double!
post #180 of 406
Originally Posted by 2happymamas View Post
14DPO: HCG (43), Progesterone (42)
16DPO: HCG (89), Progesterone (27)

It doubled!

It doubled !! It doubled !! Hurray !!!

Very glad for you !!

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