I've lost my mind

[nannymom]

Ok I haven't been to this forum since my now five year old was a young toddler. I am in a very dark place so I'm asking for gentle replies and also please don't say I need less sleep then I think I do-I know exactly how much sleep i need

My 7 month old baby used to sleep 3-4 hour stretches in bed beside me. H enow wakes up once an hour. Sometimes it is to cry or pass gas or to switch sides but it is every single hour all night long.

He naps three or four naps alone in bed lasting between an hour to 2 1/2 hours if I go in and nurse him back to sleep once.

I can't take much more. It has now been over four weeks since I have slept longer than 45 minutes in a row. I am able to tend to his needs and go back to sleep but the constant waking means I am never fully asleep.

I am sick to my stomach, I am an angry, I am exausted, I feel depressed, my vision is kind of blurry. I feel like I'm going to fall asleep sitting up.

I have a high needs five year old and no help what so ever so getting a nap isn't a possiblity.

My daughter was a terrible sleeper for three years. When I found I was pregnant with this baby i cried for days because I could not stand the thought of going through that kind of sleep deprivation again.

I can remember days when I would sit on the couch and think I actually might die if i don't get to sleep. That is how I feel today. If I needed to go somewhere today i wouldn't be able to becuase It wouldn't be safe to operate the car.

I don't know what I need here-maybe just a space to vent.

[LadyCatherine185]

my DS did the same thing his whole first year.. woke every hour or more. I don't know that I would have survived it if I would've had another child to attend to as well. For me, even though I was waking every hour+ if I could cummulate more time in bed asleep, even if it wasn't solid sleep, it did help me feel better. This meant going to bed early, napping with baby, etc. I know you said you can't nap because of your daughter.. but what about enforcing a quiet time in the afternoon for her and resting then?

Do you have a DP that can help out in the morning? My DH would get up with DS in the morning and let me have an extra hour or so to sleep (my DS was also an early riser in addition to waking up all night) and that really helped. He also (still) takes him out every Saturday morning for 2-3 hours and lets me sleep in.. Those 2 things alone helped save my sanity. And coffee. I know some people on here don't think it is good, but I wouldn't have been able to function without my morning cup. Also, making sure that you are getting good, nutrient dense food. That can go a long way in helping you feel better, even if you aren't getting the sleep you need. Can you hire a mother's helper?

As for your DS, 7 months is a really tough age. I don't know that any attempts to help him sleep better will even work. Have you tried blackout curtains and white noise? Having him sleep in a different room so that you don't wake up to every little sound/movement? Have your DP take over a chunk of the night?

[sundaya]

Hugs to you. My DD was this way. I can remember days of sleep-deprived blur. Teething was always a big issue for her, and it seemed like she was always teething. One dose of Motrin before bed helped her sleep longer through the early part of the night ( I know some don't agree with that, but it worked). Teething tablets helped, but not as much. Sleeping a bit less close to her helped, as I think I woke her when we were sleeping snuggled closely. Also, making sure to get in tons of nursing during the day, and cluster-feeds toward bedtime. Any solids had to be high fat, high protein, and very early in the day. After DD went to sleep, but before I did, I would try different things to help her get back to sleep without nursing. Over time, this led to being able to rub her back for a moment, and sometimes she would go back to sleep with just that. We set up a bedtime routine around then, and that seemed to help a bit. Giving a massage before bed helped her sleep more calmly, so she wasn't waking herself up "practicing" stuff. And going to bed the minute I could. Even if I couldn't sleep. Or, sometimes I kept DD up until I could sleep. My fallback plan to get a few hours in a row, was to keep her up until I could go to sleep, give her that one dose of Motrin, turn on the white noise, and pray. She's 19 months now, and usually wakes about twice, but I can deal with that. Hopefully, your DS is teething, and you're right around the corner from some decent-ish sleep again. Sending some hugs and positive thoughts your way.

[nannymom]

thanks mamas. no time to reply but wanted to say i apreciated the thoughtful responses.

[proudmamanow]

Hi nannymom, I vividly remember the sleep-deprived blur that was my daughter's first 18 months. And I wanted to give you a ((((((((hug)))))))). Even now that dd1 is 5, the thought of going through that again can bring me to tears. It was traumatic.

Lots of good suggestions here, the only thing that worked for us (and still works for her now, mostly): blackout blinds, white noise, and pajamas with feet. She still sleeps in fleece pajamas with feet, only now they are size 7....even in 100 degree heat she likes fleece pajamas....


Good luck and I know you will survive, and I have so been there (((((((hug)))))))))

[D_McG]

My DS slept the same way. The whole try to sleep through it thing worked reasonably well but ultimately I stopped nursing him immediately when he woke up. I'd sing first, instead. And I didn't nurse him at all from his bedtime to mine (my DH took over then). It cut his waking in half and so with my little girl I started it way earlier. I basically never nursed her hourly for longer than a night (we all have bad nights). And consistently having DH handle the earlier wake up's made a huge difference. It's like if I nursed her back to sleep an hour after she first woke it would set the pattern for the rest of the night.

I had the 'advantage' (if you want to call it that) of having a very PT job that sometimes has me out at nighttime. From what I understand she did cry a lot the first few nights but I wasn't there so there truly was no other option. She learned to get comfort from DH and ultimately became a reasonably good sleeper (and now that she's fully weaned at 21 mos she STTN).

[Tattooed Hand]

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. My DD is almost 8 months old and has never been a great sleeper. I could usually get a 3 hour stretch once a night though.

Around 5 months she began sitting unassisted and then crawling and teething at 6 months. for a good 6 weeks during this time she woke up every 1-2 hours at night. And would nap well, but only if I was there to nurse her back down every 30-45 minutes. I was exhausted and felt like I was about to die. I got mastitis and started to feel like I was losing it and couldn't take care of DD.

I made some changes and I got help. I nursed DD in a dark room with no distractions every 2 hours during the day. I started trying to withdraw my nipple just before she fell asleep. After 3 weeks, she started to nap for 2 hour stretches alone. We also recently changed our sleeping arrangements and it has helped. We co sleep and we traded in our queen sized bed for a full (where DD and I sleep) and a twin (where DH sleeps) so that she would be disrupted less by the motions of two adults and have more space to sleep.

I also got a mother's helper. she comes 3-4 hours a day 3-4 days a week and it has made a world of difference. Last night DD woke up every 1-2 hours because she is teething. I am pooped, but am off in my room, chilling out and maybe to take a nap until she needs to nurse again.

I hope you get some sleep. Hang in here and big hugs.

[spmamma]

Is it possible that he's getting too much sleep during the day? Three to four hour-long (at least) naps per day sounds like an awful lot for a 7 MO. Maybe less daytime sleep would put him in a position to get better night time sleep?

[CI Mama]

Originally Posted by nannymom

I am sick to my stomach, I am an angry, I am exausted, I feel depressed, my vision is kind of blurry. I feel like I'm going to fall asleep sitting up.

Sleep deprivation did this to me, too, and I can also relate to feeling unable to drive a car safely because of being so crazed.

What got me through was working out a time of day when I could sleep by myself in a room separate from my child for at least 4 hours. As a practical matter, that meant that I had a "sleep shift" from 9:00 pm-1:00 am on our spare bed upstairs, and my DP had to deal with DD during that time, even if it meant that she cried the entire time. I would close the door, put on white noise, do whatever it took let me get to sleep. After 1:00 pm, when DD woke up I was on duty again, and some blissful nights she wouldn't wake up until 2:00 or even 3:00, so I'd get a few "bonus" hours.

If you are single parenting, an arrangement like this might be impossible at night, but could you find someone to help you for a few hours during the day? If you have a partner, I would urge you to enlist them to take on part of the nighttime parenting. It is not OK for you to feel so awful, and that's not safe for you or your children to continue in that state.

It is so hard being a mama sometimes! Hang in there!!!

[juniper_mama]

More hugs to you mama. I am experiencing something similar with my 9 mo. Though every time I think I might go crazy, I realize the waking is for a reason. This morning we noticed a new tooth and it made the agony of last night diminish somewhat. DS was suffering, not just being difficult. For me, the physical fatigue is hard, but is nothing compared to the psychological stuff - the cycle of despair, anger and guilt for feeling those things. I dont have much to add in the way of helpful suggestions in addition to what's already been said, other than one thing that helps me a little. Get up and eat something in the middle of the night. I find that the boost to my blood sugar helps me cope with the second half of the night and if its something super easy and yummy (a bowl of cereal for me) you can even look forward to it just a little.
Wishing you better nights soon....

[basje]

Oh I'm sorry. Just thought I'd mention that when I was a nanny I had a few people I worked for as a night nanny. I'd come once a week and sleep with the baby and so the mom could get a full nights sleep. With your five year old making daytime naps hard this might be something to consider.

If you have a grandparent or close friend nearby consider sending your five year old to visit for two days so you can catch up a little and nap when your baby is napping. You can get through this, one day at a time. But if you're overwhelmed, exhausted and loosing it, ask for some help even if it's just in the short term!

Hoping you get some rest!

[D_McG]

I just checked back your posts and see one from you about green, mucousy poop in the baby. If you haven't already definitely cut dairy out of your diet. I always knew I had made a slip in my diet if my son was in all night nursing mode. After I had changed his behavior pattern so that he could be comforted in other ways (so much easier on me) he would still have restless nights after dairy. (just not as restless b/c he wasn't constantly ingesting that which was making him uncomfortable in the first place. He was being snuggled or sung to or whatever).

How are things today?