Everything is a battle

[MeredithK]

That's what it feels like. DS is 10 months and everything is just so difficult. He doesn't sleep at night, fusses all day and refuses to nap. I feel like everything we try to do is a struggle. I'm starting to feel angry and resentful and I don't want to feel this way.

Tomorrow we are going to a naturopath to try to rule out any physical reason for him being so fussy (he's been fussy his entire life despite all my efforts). But, after that, I'm not sure what to do.

I can't force him to nap. I can't force him to sit and not fuss. So, when he absolutely won't nap, I just give up. But, with the fussing, I know that I can't always give in, right? When do you start putting your foot down. I mean, in the example that I need to eat some lunch and he's safe in a pack and play (not hungry, not needing to be changed, etc)....and he just sits and fusses and gets angry. Is now the time that I try to just let him fuss. Of course I am right next to him...and talking to him the whole time. Is that ok at this point?

I'm just so incredibly beat. I'm kind of at the end of my rope and I really don't want to create bad habits for the future. I thought I was just being an attentive (AP style) parent, but now I'm afraid I've always "rescued" him and he doesn't know how to just chill out for a minute (now that he's older).

Sorry if I'm rambling...I'm just exhausted from all of this! Any help would be so appreciated.

[Knitting Mama]

mama, I am sure this isn't easy! Can you talk about how your current napping attempts go, and what you have tried to help him get to sleep? Maybe other mamas have had similar experiences and can offer advice!

[confustication]

My 10 month old is very much the same way- part of it is the age, and part of it is the personality. I am trying very hard to get across to my dh that this particular child Does Not Tolerate being confined at all. We have an exersaucer that was great with our 24 month old at this age, and he was also content to hang out in the pack and play for a shower or whatever. This child however, won't tolerate it- the pack and play is for when he is asleep and only when he is asleep.

He is much too interested in exploring and moving to put up with just existing- so we babyproofed really well, and we just let him go in the rooms we are in at the time. Less stress for him, and less stress for us.

I don't worry about naps too much, we offer them, but he often doesn't sleep, and that's ok too.

In your lunch example- have you tried involving him in the meal? My 10 month old eats just about anything I eat, unless it's an allergy or choking hazard. He doesn't like a high chair, but a booster seat at the table works fine.

[MeredithK]

Thank you for your responses. It's good to hear that it's possibly just an age thing. Although, I've been saying that since he was born!

I guess that I am just going to have to be ok with him not napping. Today for instance, he only napped for a total of 40 minutes. Thank goodness DH is around today or it would have been a very long day for us.

He is offered food at meals, but doesn't eat very much. So, that only occupies him for a few minutes. Then, once he's done, he's done. If we give him something to occupy him in the highchair, he just continually throws everything on the floor.

He isn't mobile at all yet. He'll roll around on the floor, but we have two dogs and hardwood floors, so I can't just let him go on his own. Not yet, at least. So, for now, he has to be in something...booster/pack and play/high chair. But, most of all, he just wants me to hold him.

Anyway, I'm hoping that I'll get some other questions answered tomorrow at the doctor's appointment.

Thank you all for your support!

[Pepper44]

My older DD was like your DS. She never crawled, and she was fussy a lot. I finally realized she was frustrated because she wanted to move and she was bored, but she couldn't figure out how to crawl for some reason. We ended up trying a walker. I know they are debatable, but we have no stairs so it wasn't dangerous for short periods of time.

Anyway, she *loved* that thing and was constantly amused rolling around in it! Then she started walking shortly after, and she was much happier all around. She was also tired and napped better because she used a lot of energy moving!

[confustication]

Originally Posted by MeredithK

He isn't mobile at all yet. He'll roll around on the floor, but we have two dogs and hardwood floors, so I can't just let him go on his own. Not yet, at least. So, for now, he has to be in something...booster/pack and play/high chair. But, most of all, he just wants me to hold him.

We have wood floors and dogs here as well- it took a lot of courage for me to simply put him on the floor- but it was the best thing I could have done for him, and for our (collective) sanity. Well, sort of, now he and his 24 month old brother collaborate to drive us nuts. :P

I assume that he's sitting well and probably at least rolling/scooting at this point- right? In that case- letting him 'loose' will also help him explore those new skills!

If he wants to be held, and you want some sense of function- a carrier could be a great answer for you. Both my boys are happy when worn, and I can have a few minutes to eat/clean with both hands! Heck, I've been known to wear both at once on more than one occasion.... who needs an exercise routine when you can strap on 50+ lbs of infant/toddler?!

[confustication]

Oops, double post.

[Kmama2]

Originally Posted by MeredithK

Thank you for your responses. It's good to hear that it's possibly just an age thing. Although, I've been saying that since he was born!

I guess that I am just going to have to be ok with him not napping. Today for instance, he only napped for a total of 40 minutes. Thank goodness DH is around today or it would have been a very long day for us.

He is offered food at meals, but doesn't eat very much. So, that only occupies him for a few minutes. Then, once he's done, he's done. If we give him something to occupy him in the highchair, he just continually throws everything on the floor.

He isn't mobile at all yet. He'll roll around on the floor, but we have two dogs and hardwood floors, so I can't just let him go on his own. Not yet, at least. So, for now, he has to be in something...booster/pack and play/high chair. But, most of all, he just wants me to hold him.

Anyway, I'm hoping that I'll get some other questions answered tomorrow at the doctor's appointment.

Thank you all for your support!

Does he get hurt if he rolls around on the wood floor? Like does he hurt his head when he rolls or does he keep it lifted??? Being the floor alot will help him get mobile. We have all hardwood and tile. We have area rugs but ds would just roll or scoot off of them so he ends up on the hardwood and tile 90% of the time too. He is fine. He crawls on concrete, bricks anything. Maybe he just doesn't like being confined? Israel hates to be confined. Crib is only for sleeping. No walker or exersaucer or pack in play here. No swing. He hates the carseat. stroller he is okay with sometimes if we are moving only. Is he content on the floor with some toys? Does he like to be worn? Teething maybe?
Ds went from super fussy baby to super content happy guy. The past few weeks he is cranky, clingy and fussy again. I don't know if its because he went on vacation and were in a new place around new people or if he is teething or what. Hang in there!!! He might just be a fussy kid. I would def try the floor if you can or get a small area rug so you can put him down on the floor. Thats my saving grace. And once he is mobile I am betting he will entertain himself a bit more.

[BtotheG]

Originally Posted by MeredithK

He isn't mobile at all yet. He'll roll around on the floor, but we have two dogs and hardwood floors, so I can't just let him go on his own. Not yet, at least. So, for now, he has to be in something...booster/pack and play/high chair. But, most of all, he just wants me to hold him.

Hardwood floors and two large dogs here, too. DD has been put down on the floor since she was about 4 months old. She is an extremely "busy" baby - has been from the beginning - and she gets very mad if she's confined too much and can't move around.

If you aren't comfortable with your son on the floor while the dogs are around, maybe you can put them outside for a bit while your son gets some floor time?

As for the wood, we have a few thick rugs that provide cushion, but a laying down a thick blanket will do the same.

As I said, letting DD have her floor time was essential to allow her to explore her world while burning off energy and decreasing frustration...it may help your son as well.

[MeredithK]

Ok, sounds like I need to figure out a way for him to get more floor time. We have one area rug, but even I wouldn't sit on it! Upstairs in the bathroom, I let him roll around on a thick blanket. I'll have to get one for the main floor. And, I need to stop worrying that he'll hurt himself on the wood. He just seems to use his head to roll with. We'll give it a shot.

He is definitely teething (he is on his 8th tooth), but he's always been like this. Teething just exaggerates it.

I bet that he does get more happy once he can move around on his own. It must be frustrating to him.

I'm sure that I'd be able to handle it more, too, if I was sleeping. One thing at a time, I guess!

Thank you all again!

[confustication]

Originally Posted by MeredithK

Ok, sounds like I need to figure out a way for him to get more floor time. We have one area rug, but even I wouldn't sit on it! Upstairs in the bathroom, I let him roll around on a thick blanket. I'll have to get one for the main floor. And, I need to stop worrying that he'll hurt himself on the wood. He just seems to use his head to roll with. We'll give it a shot.

He is definitely teething (he is on his 8th tooth), but he's always been like this. Teething just exaggerates it.

I bet that he does get more happy once he can move around on his own. It must be frustrating to him.

I'm sure that I'd be able to handle it more, too, if I was sleeping. One thing at a time, I guess!

Thank you all again!

I think you'd be really surprised at how much it wouldn't bother him. his rolling on a hard floor- or even falling while practicing a new skill- is very different from falling from a height to a hard surface. I started with a sheepskin on the floor for K, but he rapidly expanded his range rolling off and scooting here and there (before he was really mobile). He didn't get the colorful array of bruises that causes me to fear family services until he decided to sit/crawl/pull/stand in a very sudden week or two time period. Even those heal pretty well.


Oh, and I completely commiserate about the lack of sleep. I get through by planning retaliation when he's a teenager. Now I know why my mom used to wake us up singing Rise and Shine- it wasn't that she loved mornings, it was that she wanted payback.

[tzs]

we've had some serious baby tantrums going on here. both myself and my husband have pretty ***ahem** strong personalities and were rumored to be tough kids so i'm hoping some of it is an age thing.

in the meantime i'm just trying to be consistent and unshakable.
i mean, if she's upset for a consolable reason that's one thing but if she's flipping out because there's no more blueberries left on her tray then i'm trying not to cave and just calmly declare the "all done" and redirect. really...i'm trying my best but there have been a couple times when i gave in just to get whatever i was doing done. ugh!!!! i said i would never be that mother and already at 10 months old!

it really seems like it's only me she does this with. she's a doll with grams and gramps, the star pupil at daycare (i work there so i see her non-fussy self!), and well-behaved with her pops. so i don;t know if it's because we're together all the time that she does this with me or because she knows already that i'm a pushover. uh oh.......

also i'm with you on the hardwood/dog combo. it took me forever to be ok with sticking ada on the floor. it's not a germ thing or anything for me...it's just disgusting. when she was tiny i had her on a blanket but even then it grossed me out. (like you, i would never sit on my own floors or rugs!) you do get used to it. these days she crawls around until her knees are grey and dusty and we do a wipe-down. gross.