What next?

[MommatoAandA]

So we took away my LO's bottles during the day. We also got rid of the formula. It was gone and she is a year. I thought it was time for some real food.

So I put her down for her nap today with barely a minute of a so-so whining with no bottle and she was asleep. she ate 3 good sized meals.

So now she is in bed. Crying. Off and on but crying. I went in, patted, rocked, picked up, reassured and got her a bottle with water. She didn't want it. I kept going in every 3 minutes. So DF went in next we had been patting and loving, but she is just not into that, never has been. Coslept until she stopped nursing at 6 months then in her own bed and never an issue. My own fault for putting her down with a bottle. But a baby needs to suck.

So we get her up because she has a poop. It couldn't have been in her diaper for more than a few minutes but we changed her, powdered her, gave her some juice from her juice box and then after some snuggling and lovies, back in the crib. I gave her some tylenol too because I suspect she is cutting her top right tooth. She whined a little and now is quiet and sleeping.

I feel awful. I am not sure what I can do to soothe her. She will not nurse anymore, doesn't like a paci, doesn't want to be held or patted she never liked it even when she nursed and coslept, she would only side lie nurse. Other than staying up all night I am not sure what I can do better tomorrow?

I guess I am just feeling awful. I religiously watched the clock and went in every 3 minutes if not sooner and tried to rock, pat, love, give her the bottle with water and her snuggly stuff, but nope.

I feel really terrible.

[blessedwithboys]

i would never let a clock dictate to me when to mother my baby. thats not gentle parenting. some babies (so i've heard) may whine for a bit and then settle down, but witholding attention until a bell chimes is CIO. please reconsider this harmful method.

also, remember that formula and bottles are substitutes for feeding human milk from the breast. just as a bf baby needs to bf for a minimum of 24 mos, so does a bottle fed baby need their milk in a breast substitute for about that long. you might wish to reconsider providing human milk substitute until age 2, and in a bottle. this will most closely resemble bf. and dont forget that solid food is just for exploration until about age 12 to 18 mos or so, every baby is different. but if you dont start solids until 6-8 mos, expect another 6-8 mos to transition from solids for play to solids for nourishment. any solids you give the child in place of human milk, or human milk subsitute is inferior nutrition for the next few months still.

as for not settling without a bottle...she's a baby. if she truly fights being cuddled to sleep, then at least stay in the room with her until she's out. dont leave her alone while she is crying. and you may just be up all night! it sucks, but thats how it is with some babies. it was with mine, esp when they were teething.

[MommatoAandA]

I did give her a bottle with water. Breastmilk and formula are not the same. Formula is a fatty substitute of basically crap food. I had no choice but to formula feed when I did, but I am not going to keep feeding her a food substitute when she can have real whole foods.

As for the other part, I am so certain I am gentle parenting my kids, I am not offended by the suggestion I am not. I stayed with her for most of the time. She would not settle regardless of anything I did.

I never withheld my attention. I was in there if she was crying. I went in when she was settled to make sure she was ok. But if she more than whined or whimpered I was in there.

[MommatoAandA]

I did want to add, I wish she would cosleep. I wish she would successfully settle after being rocked. My first daughter I would rock and hold till my arms went numb. But with Anna she jsut will not fall asleep with being held or touched. She gets more upset, cries rather than whines, hits. She will do it for hours. I have no problem rocking or soothing my baby, she dictates that I cannot because she doesn't like it. She never has. Not even when she was nursed. I stayed home all day because the only position she would nurse in was side laying, ever. She doesn't like to be snuggled or held to sleep.

That is what I was mostly asking for help with. Does anyone have a baby who doesn't or did not like to be held? How do you, did you soothe them?

[Maluhia]

Not liking to be held...when DD was cutting teeth we had some time for this and we went for drives (not eco friendly) becuase she loved the motion of the car/carseat and transitioned from carseat back to bed well.

[katelove]

This is your 10m.o. we're talking about isn't it?

I have to agree with BlessedWith Boys. She still needs milk of some sort. Whether it is breastmilk or formula. I am no fan of formula either but, if she isn't having BM, for whatever reason, then she should be getting most of her nutrients from formula. "Food before one is just for fun" is a trite way of putting it but it is still true. You mentioned that you gave her juice, which is essentially sugar water with a few vitamins, surely formula would be better than that.

[LadyCatherine185]

Can you try cow's, goat's, or coconut milk in a bottle? Even half milk/half water warmed up may be enough for her.

My DS has faught sleep off and on his whole life.. Even when he didn't want to be held, and cried no matter what I did, I never left his side. I would suggest staying in with her until she is asleep. Even if you are just beside her crib patting/shusshing.

She is probably teething, or about to hit a developmental milestone. My DS always slept MUCH worse around those times. No amount of motrin/tylenol/homeopathic remedies helped him sleep better.. it was just something we had to get through..

[MommatoAandA]

She is actually a year now. So very ready for foods. She was interested in the food, but drinking so much formula that she wasn't eating well. She was taking in something like 24 to 32 ounces just at bedtime and sometimes vomitting because she was sucking to soothe, overfilling the tank and then had to vomit. She also was having explosive diahrrea (SP) 3-4 times daily. This was all in the last month.

I would put cows milk in the bottles but her teeth? Cows milk has very high sugar content. I have tried watering and she is wayyyy to fickle for that. She is one of those babies that doesn't want to take anything but formula from a bottle, hence why I had to wean when I went back to work. By the time she was established on the bottle I had lost my supply (pumping never sustains my supply). So I couldn't introduce breastmilk little by little into the formula (like going backwards). She never had a bottle prior to 6 months. She was late at getting teeth which is why I waited this long to take away the night bottle. She did have some donor milk for about a month added to her bottles by my sitter who is also a dear friend and EPing for her son who had a cleft pallette, which I felt so blessed.

I just wanted to say, I dont believe in CIO AT ALL. I know the risks.We are open to cosleeping (my 3 year old room shares at the moment). I seriously have no idea what to do for her. I gave her tylenol and that seemed to help, but I still feel bad that there is nothing I can do for her and some crying is involved in her bedtime routine.

[LadyCatherine185]

many many nights there is crying involved at nighttime here. My DS has just always faught sleep. I hate it too. I wish he would just snuggle up and drift off peacefully.. but he just won't. Usually he has to be rocked by me or held by DH, and he usually cries before finally settling down and going to sleep. Catching him at the right time always helps, and sometimes there are no tears, but typically he does cry. For him, it is because he has a really hard time settling down, and he DOES.NOT.WANT.TO.SLEEP. He would run himself ragged if I let him.. he would much rather play than lay down and sleep.

A few other things you could try is introducing a new bedtime routine. When my milk started drying up from pregnancy when DS was around 19 months old, we nightweaned, and changed up the bedtime routine. It took about 2 weeks before it finally "stuck," but now he doesn't need nursing to fall asleep at night. Perhaps you could still give your DD a bottle, but put that FIRST in the bedtime routine. You could do something like bottle, brush teeth/jammies/change diaper, then books and rocking and then sleep. Or whatever you decide you want to change the routine to, but stay consistent and tell her what is going on "we're putting on your jammies, almost time to sleep.. we will read 2 books, then it is time to sleep" and after a couple days she will start to get it.

I also recommend reading the book Sleepless in America. It has a ton of great info in it.

ETA: in regards to the milk in the bottle, if you brush her teeth after the milk then you can put that in there.. if not, there is a Coconut Milk (made by SO Delicious) that has a sugar free version.

[akind1]

I agree with switching up the routine a bit - and having the bottle first, that way something nutritious can be in it, then you can brush teeth, etc.

I am thankful DS is a thumb sucker, actually - he self soothes pretty well most of the time.

Since she doesn't like to be held, is there anything else she finds soothing, like music? a lovey?

FWIW - the longer I stay in the room with DS, talking to him, etc, the longer he fusses. The moment I turn my back, he rolls over, sucks his thumb and goes to sleep. He is the same way in the car, he cries until I shut the door, then he's fine.

It might take a few tries to hit on the routine that works for you, but persevere!

Oh - you said your 3 yo room shares; would your 1 year old - seems like she needs her own space, could she be in the room with you also but on a toddler bed, or mattress on the floor?

[MommatoAandA]

We had her in our room, but she very much needs her own space. She wakes from the blanket rustling

This is bedtime routine right now:

Snack with sippy and milk at 7 pm
Brush teeth
Play with some blocks with mommy and DD1 or sing songs or watch a show
read 3 books
lay down usually 7:45 ish with a bottle (water), sound machine, and fan

We just started this so we will see how it goes. She did fall asleep about 15 minutes afte the Tylenol and I think i see a corner of the tooth in question popped through, she will not let me touch. I suppose it is tender.

She definitely was not herself this AM. She slept through the night, woke once but just whined and by the time I got my feet on the floor she was out again. I filled her bottle with 4 ounces of water and this am there was 2 ounces left so she had some. She is a thumb sucker, but she gets antsy, thrashes around and rubs ehr face against her soft things in her crib, sucks her thumb calms, then thrashes whines/cries all over again.

I did get a whole jar of baby food in her this am (fruit and Yogurt) plus some multigrain cheerios and some juice and milk.

This is what our routine looks like:

Wake up
Change diaper
play
9:00(ish) breakfast
Errands
12:00 Lunch
Nap after lunch
Snack when she wakes
play time
5:00 Dinner
6:30 bath time
7 bed time snack and routine.

She seems to be responding well to this except missing her bubba, which I gave her at nap time today with water. She went right out no whining or crying.

So I think we are going to keep bubba for nap and bedtime with water and see how that continues to work.

[ein328]

Originally Posted by MommatoAandA

She is actually a year now. So very ready for foods. She was interested in the food, but drinking so much formula that she wasn't eating well. She was taking in something like 24 to 32 ounces just at bedtime and sometimes vomitting because she was sucking to soothe, overfilling the tank and then had to vomit. She also was having explosive diahrrea (SP) 3-4 times daily. This was all in the last month.

Just want to check- am I reading this correctly?