can a 2 year old restrain him/herself?

[ElliesMomma]

is it realistic to expect a 2 year old to ask for a snack, rather than taking it from a baby's stroller tray?
i gave the neighbor kids some crackers and told them they could have more if they asked, rather than taking the ones my baby (10 months old) was eating on his stroller tray. their mom said that i should not have given the baby food on his tray in front of her kids -- that it was not realistic to expect them to restrain themselves from helping themselves to his food... even though i put handfuls of cracker directly in her kids hands and told them they could have more if they ask for it, just not to take the ones my son was eating.

[cappuccinosmom]

I think a 2 yo may have the capability of self-restraint, but not perfectly. Even a precociously self-restrained toddler is still *learning*, and needs practice, and is sometimes just going to do something impulsively.

So...if you're going to put food where a 2 yo can see it, and you don't want him to have it (or to take it from someone else), the onus is on you to watch, and "protect" it from him. Remind him the proper procedure for getting a snack.

Was the neighbor kid's mom there? If she was, then the first responsibility was with her to direct her own children, and keep them from taking your baby's food. If she wasn't, then it falls to you.

[ElliesMomma]

she was there. usually she tells her kids not to take the baby's food, but tonight she didn't, and when i reminded her 2 year old to ask for more instead of taking the baby's, she told me that would not work, and that i should not put the food where her 2 year old can see it.

*sigh.*

we were on a walk around the block, and my 4 yo likes to visit with her kids, who were out in their driveway. i feel like i ask a lot of my baby to sit and wait all the time, and the least i can do is give him a snack. so if i'm not "allowed" to do that in their driveway, i guess we can't stop by so much... which is going to be a problem for my 4 yo when she sees the kids out playing, which is, like, every day.

[VBMama]

My 2yo probably would have taken them off the baby's tray, particularly if they were crackers we don't usually have. 4yo & 6yo should be able to ask. I think it was rude of your neighbor to say what she did and ideally she should have been monitoring the 2yo's behavior. But if I were you in that situation, I would have been watching the 2yo myself and been ready to intercept with more crackers in hand to give the 2yo *along* with the reminder to ask instead of taking the baby's cracker, especially since it seems like this scenario has happened before.

Are you annoyed with the 2yo or the mom?

[ElliesMomma]

i was watching and giving out more crackers all the time; it was after me saying "just ask me for more" the second or third time that the mom told me basically that it's futile to expect that. then, as her kids closed in on the remainder of my son's crackers, she told me the part about not serving him food in front of them, something along the lines of "if the food isn't for everyone, you shouldn't have it." which, i agree with if it was my 4 yo eating in front of the others... but we're talking about a baby having a snack. if he took a bottle (he doesn't), he would be allowed to eat that in peace. but not the snack he does take.

hmmm.

i should note that i am friends with this neighbor. it just makes me uncomfortable to have had this "disagreement" and yes, the sitution will probalby come up again. maybe next time i'll cut up an apple before our walk and figure on each kid getting one slice if we see them. it takes my DS a good, long time to get through an apple slice with only his two teeth.

[alegna]

Yeah, mom should have been on top of it, but yeah, it's a lot to ask of a 2yr old. If my 2yr old sees crackers he wants he's probably going to take them.

-Angela

[prothyraia]

If I had to guess, I'd say that she didn't feel like policing the crackers at that moment, could tell that you were getting frustrated at doing it yourself, and just wanted to avoid the situation entirely.

I know that I like to really pick and choose which battles I want to fight with my two year old, and if I wasn't expecting to have to be on top of things (since you just stopped by to visit and it wasn't a scheduled get together) I'd be less ready to go to bat to protect snacks.

Maybe she was tired of toddler battles for the day and went outside to get some relief and distraction, until you wandered by with the Tempting Crackers of Conflict.

[phathui5]

My youngest just turned three. I don't think it's realistic for a child who's closer to two than to three.

[ElliesMomma]

Originally Posted by prothyraia

If I had to guess, I'd say that she didn't feel like policing the crackers at that moment, could tell that you were getting frustrated at doing it yourself, and just wanted to avoid the situation entirely.

I know that I like to really pick and choose which battles I want to fight with my two year old, and if I wasn't expecting to have to be on top of things (since you just stopped by to visit and it wasn't a scheduled get together) I'd be less ready to go to bat to protect snacks.

Maybe she was tired of toddler battles for the day and went outside to get some relief and distraction, until you wandered by with the Tempting Crackers of Conflict.

LOL that's a good way to look at it, probably just about right. i think i will "let this one go" now. thanks!!

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by prothyraia

If I had to guess, I'd say that she didn't feel like policing the crackers at that moment, could tell that you were getting frustrated at doing it yourself, and just wanted to avoid the situation entirely.

I know that I like to really pick and choose which battles I want to fight with my two year old, and if I wasn't expecting to have to be on top of things (since you just stopped by to visit and it wasn't a scheduled get together) I'd be less ready to go to bat to protect snacks.

Maybe she was tired of toddler battles for the day and went outside to get some relief and distraction, until you wandered by with the Tempting Crackers of Conflict.

Yeah, this would be my guess. You stopped by her house and then brought out crackers. I would have been slightly annoyed if I were trying to wind down for the day. I would expect that you would police said crackers or move along and not expect me to chat with you & keep my children from the crackers, too.

[ElliesMomma]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom

Yeah, this would be my guess. You stopped by her house and then brought out crackers. I would have been slightly annoyed if I were trying to wind down for the day. I would expect that you would police said crackers or move along and not expect me to chat with you & keep my children from the crackers, too.

eh, i wasn't intruding. THEY came out of the house to walk all the way to the road to see us. the stroller was on the very end of the driveway, only to keep out of the street (we don't have sidewalks here). and i WAS policing the crackers. anyways, thanks everyone for your opinions.

the cracker saga is over and out!

[madskye]

Nooo, I have an opinion, too!

I think 2 year olds can restrain themselves sometimes--but not everytime.

[lnitti]

I think 2 year olds CAN restrain them self. The question is if they have been trained to. My dd has allergies and never in a million years would she grab someone's food without asking if it contained what she is allergic too.

[AllisonR]

Originally Posted by ElliesMomma

i was watching and giving out more crackers all the time; it was after me saying "just ask me for more" the second or third time that the mom told me basically that it's futile to expect that.

three times you expect a 2yo to "just ask for more" and she finally gave you the hint that that wasn't realistic. I think you ought to cut the other mother some slack. Someday your 10 mo will be a 2 yo.

[meemee]

lack of communication.

this is what i suspect happened.

so you guys do see each other quite often i assume.

you might have been doing this same behaviour without thinking. and i think her 2 year old perhaps has a real hard time.

and instead of mama approaching you on another time and telling you - hey its really hard for my 2 year old to restrain herself, would you please give her a little baggie of cracker next time you give your baby.

so no i didnt find the mothers comment rude. frustrated perhaps but not rude.

however i am also the mommy that has baggies or containers of crackers that i give all the children rather than have them ask me.

i think its really hard to expect that out of a 2 year old.

[mrsfrenchy]

Originally Posted by AllisonR

three times you expect a 2yo to "just ask for more" and she finally gave you the hint that that wasn't realistic. I think you ought to cut the other mother some slack. Someday your 10 mo will be a 2 yo.

Well, the OP has a 4 year old, so its not like she's unfamiliar with 2 year olds. I think thats a bit rude.

I do think it's fairly realisitc to expect that the two year old restrain themselves some of the time--at least with my 2 year old it is (she turned 2 less than a month ago).

It would take some reminding and she might slip up occasionally, but she could do it.

I wouldn't get mad if the two year old was taking food off of the babies tray. I would just be like "Oh, A, you can have these crackers, remember? Those are for the baby. When you finish these and want some more ask me and I'll give you some"

...also, it's possible that the 2 year old would have been more likely to leave the baby's crackers alone if he/she had access to her own little pile or was allowed to reach into the box on her own to get them out. My DD doesn't like food being handed to her or rationed out. She wants to get it herself, you know?

[mamazee]

I agree that it would be difficult but not impossible for a 2-year-old, though some days would be better than others, but would require a lot of watching by the mom, and she might not have been happy that you put the temptation out there that would result either in her having to go into intense-watch mode or the 2-year-old taking crackers.

[mamazee]

Originally Posted by lnitti

I think 2 year olds CAN restrain them self. The question is if they have been trained to. My dd has allergies and never in a million years would she grab someone's food without asking if it contained what she is allergic too.

Kids with food allergies do seem to pick up on this faster, maybe because their parents have fear when the kids pick something up. When parents get afraid, kids learn faster.

[nextcommercial]

A very young two yr old might have a hard time. But, an older two year old should come back to you for more.

I've been working with two year olds since 1982. They'll eat off the floor... they will steal from a sibling, but they generally won't take it from a baby's tray. Even at age two, they understand when something isn't theirs, and they know where to get some of whatever it is. They are able to find the supplier and get their own.

I think this is a parenting issue anyway. Telling one parent that she shouldn't have food in sight of her child is pretty rude. Mom could just simply intervene and make sure it's not a problem. It's nice of you to offer her three kids your food.

Maybe she was at the end of her rope and just wants you to stop feeding all of them so she can just sit there and veg out for a while. I've felt like that before.

I am also one of those people who don't think kids will perish if they go an hour or so without food or sucky cups.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

A very young two yr old might have a hard time. But, an older two year old should come back to you for more.

aaaaah good point. good point. there is a huge difference between a 24 month old, a 30 month old and a 36 month old.

yup yup. must remember that.

thanks

ok OT realisation over. back to business.