Should I introduce the topic?

[Devaskyla]

I realized today that neither of my older boys ever ask me questions about sex or bodies. They did both see the baby born (&ds1 saw ds2 born) and I read It's Not the Stork to them when I was pregnant, despite the lack of questions on their parts. They seemed interested, but again didn't really ask much in the way of questions.

Should I get the book again (or the one next one in the series?) or should I just keep waiting until they start asking? Ds1 is heading towards puberty pretty quickly (*sob*) and has already seemingly had a few things related to that, (which we've talked about as they came up), so I'm really beginning to feel like I need to be more proactive about teaching him about puberty & sex.

My parents never told me ANYTHING & I really want to avoid that situation with my kids.

[beanma]

Yeah, I would buy the book to have around as a reference, though I'd buy the next in the series, "It's So Amazing". They might rather have a man read with them. Would dad do it? My dd1 is 9.5 and she and dd2 just pulled "It's So Amazing" back off the shelf this week. I haven't read it with them. Not sure if DH has or not, but they're old enough they can read parts they're interested in.

[Starflower]

I'd recommend the next book, "It's So Amazing" for your older child. My DD loves this book and has read it many times with us and on her own. I like having books like this on hand.

From your post, it sounds like you feel like it's time to talk about things with your older DS at least. I think it's a good idea.

This book also looks promising if you are looking for info on what to cover - http://www.amazon.com/Birds-Bees-YOU...ref=pd_sim_b_2

I attended a presentation by this author and she was very good. She really focused on sharing your own family's values about sexuality. I have not read the book, but the one review said that there is a section that talks about what kids should know by when.

You might also be interested in googling a program called Our Whole Lives.

[LynnS6]

I'd actually buy the next two in the series and have them around. Then i'd take out "It's not the stork" and read it to your younger child. My suspicion is that your older one will suddenly start to listen! (At least, that's what happened at our house last week when dd found It's Not the Stork and began reading it to the babysitter. Poor babysitter was a little nonplussed. But ds (9) was very interested!)

[Oubliette8]

I would probably bring it up. Are your kids in school? Public schools around here start to introduce sex ed in 4th or 5th grade, so it would probably be good to bring it up before then. I suppose, even if he's not in school, if he has friends that are, once its introduced it certainly becomes a big topic of discussion!

Maybe some new books would help. They make books just for boys that might make a good addition to Its So Amazing. The "whats Happening to My Body Book for Boys" http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Happenin...9578891&sr=1-2
was recently discussed in CAC, apparently it has a nice section about being intact and is appropriate for pre-adolescents. I would probably present them in such a way to promote conversation with you, so he can have any questions clarified and you can communicate whatever sexual values you feel are important. I think, I'd breech the topic with both boys, but probably go a bit more in depth with the older boy because he's going to be needing the information sooner.

[Starflower]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

I'd actually buy the next two in the series and have them around. Then i'd take out "It's not the stork" and read it to your younger child. My suspicion is that your older one will suddenly start to listen! (At least, that's what happened at our house last week when dd found It's Not the Stork and began reading it to the babysitter. Poor babysitter was a little nonplussed. But ds (9) was very interested!)

This is a great idea!

Funny about the babysitter.

[MissMaegie'sMama]

Originally Posted by Oubliette8

The "whats Happening to My Body Book for Boys" http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Happenin...9578891&sr=1-2
was recently discussed in CAC, apparently it has a nice section about being intact and is appropriate for pre-adolescents.

I gave this book to DS a couple years ago, and he read it from cover to cover-- twice in one week! The original was written for girls, and my mom bought it for me when I was a kid. I read it cover to cover-- twice in one week! It's an informative and well-written book, and it makes a good springboard for discussion.

[caudex]

As long as you're keeping up with issues as they crop up and make sure they understand, as applies to your values as a family, I wouldn't be too worried about their not asking questions. I found it horrifying that my parents knew such things, and what's worse, tried to talk to me about them! I've told my mom that I'm never going to be old enough to discuss sex with her. Are your kids the quiet type that would prefer to just pick up the conveniently-lying-around book, rather than have a big heart-to-heart discussion?

[shanniesue2]

Originally Posted by caudex

As long as you're keeping up with issues as they crop up and make sure they understand, as applies to your values as a family, I wouldn't be too worried about their not asking questions. I found it horrifying that my parents knew such things, and what's worse, tried to talk to me about them! I've told my mom that I'm never going to be old enough to discuss sex with her. Are your kids the quiet type that would prefer to just pick up the conveniently-lying-around book, rather than have a big heart-to-heart discussion?

Yeah, but I think that's risky. I mean, I never asked my parents questions about anything sex related b/c I was too embarassed. And they didn't offer a whole lot of information. When I got my period, I was just completely mortified when my mom showed me how to put a pad in my underwear, and the only thing she really said was to let her know if I had any questions. I NEVER asked her any questions.
Anyway, I have sort of figured things out along the way, and I never got into trouble b/c of sex-related issues. But I think that had more to do with my "stay-out-of trouble" personality. And the fact that I was raised Catholic with 12 years of Catholic school sex ed, which was basically that bad things could happen if you had sex.
Despite the fact that I have figured out the facts, I must admit to some hang-ups when it comes to sex in the sense that I still have issues with discomfort about the subject... even when it comes to my husband. So I think the choice of not approaching the topic if there aren't questions is risky. Because you don't know why questions aren't being asked. And while I'm not sure that talking about sex all the time is a good idea, I do think that not talking about sex (for whatever reason) just increases the risk of not having a healthy attitude about it as an adult.
But as for how to approach it at this point, I'm not sure. I'm hoping that I can have an ongoing conversation with him as he grows up... in age appropriate ways... that way, there doesn't have to be this dramatic and embarassing situation where DH and/or I calls him into the dining room and says, "well, son... let's talk about the birds and the bees."

[Oubliette8]

Originally Posted by shanniesue2

Yeah, but I think that's risky. I mean, I never asked my parents questions about anything sex related b/c I was too embarassed. And they didn't offer a whole lot of information.
Anyway, I have sort of figured things out along the way, and I never got into trouble b/c of sex-related issues. But I think that had more to do with my "stay-out-of trouble" personality. And the fact that I was raised Catholic with 12 years of Catholic school sex ed, which was basically that bad things could happen if you had sex.

Agreed. My parents basically went for the approach of giving me a few books and assuming I'd read them. Unfortunately I could have used their guidance about the content of the books. One of the books they provided was very open about teens and sexual relationship and teens having sexual relationships and unfortunately it did get me into some trouble and led me to experiment in ways I regret. I think providing them with material is excellent, and a great way to start the conversation, but shouldn't be the only way. Kids definitely need guidance beyond the straight facts.

[caudex]

Oh, I don't mean they DIDN'T talk to me, or that the OP shouldn't. But I think she shouldn't be concerned that the kids aren't dialoging about it.

I really think it's possible to find a place between handing off a book and saying good luck, and the stance I see often on here, which involves very frank and constant talks about things many people, especially kids, consider private and embarassing. I really resented being sat down to discuss those things, and while I recognise my parents intentions-- the same as both of yours above, I think-- I am glad that they eventually caught on, and while still keeping the door open, stopped dragging out the conversation and insisting I MUST be curious and have questions. I wasn't, for a LONG time. Not that there is ANYTHING at all wrong with the opposite approach-- I can see that sometimes the kids are the ones that do most of the talking. I just don't know that it's appropriate for all types. It would depend on the nature of her kids.

[petey44]

I would definitely introduce the topic, and bring it up several times over the course of weeks or months, because they might be too shy/embarrassed to discuss the first time you bring it up.
I had sex ed in 5th or 6th grade, I think. At one point during that week, my mom said, "so, you're taking sex ed at school. Anything you want to talk about?" I was embarrassed, and said, "no."
That was the extent of our "conversation" about sex, for my whole life. Needless to say, I ended up with a few issues
Now DH and I talk to DSD (16) about sex ALL the time, and will do the same with DD (22 months) when she's older.

[laurdsed]

Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They'd Ask): The Secrets to Surviving Your Child's Sexual Development from Birth to the Teens by Justin Richardson and Mark Schuster

This book is great for those who don't know where to start and what topics are age appropriate. It's a guide for the parents in how to talk about sex and being a sexual being.

We're a very matter-of-fact household and talk about body parts with their appropriate names. My older kids have seen the younger ones born at home. Sometimes it's impressive what they don't ask about, though. It's also surprising what questions come up (never at a convenient moment) and I have wondered how to answer the questions w/out giving out too much information before they're ready. So, the above book has come in pretty handy.

My oldest has asked very explicit questions as young as age 4. Like, "How does the penis get into the vagina?" He's a "how do things work" kind of kid. My youngest doesn't ever talk about things like that. He just giggles when we talk about "his privates"...his words, not ours. Fascinating how different kids are in the same household. Just b/c we're open to talk about anything, doesn't mean they want to. My middle son hates it when I use the appropriate word for body parts. He gets really embarrassed.

<<Sigh>> Hang in there, keeping talking, expect those unexpected questions at the oddest moments.

Laurel

[Penny4Them]

Seamonkeys and Mothering Mrch/april 2010

When my girls were younger we had seamonkeys. They were AWESOME way to begin--what has become--an ongoing conversation about sex, babies, bodies, etc. It was so wonderful to have something in (lab-created) nature to reference and talk about and watch grow into life. If you haven't owned seamonkeys, I definitely recommend it.

Also, for those of you with girls, don't forget that beautiful article in the March/April 1010 issue by Denise Evarts, Maidens Moon. Absolutely beautiful and full of wonderful ideas about how to help our daughters celebrate their coming into womanhood.

I hope this helps!

[Lisa1970]

They might know enough that they don't have questions. It probably won't hurt to get the next one in the series. I have a son born 9/01. He knows where babies come from. He runs screaming from the room when a childbirth video is on. He has read endlessly all my prenatal books (he is an advanced reader and loves the prenatal books, especially the ones with pictures).

Good luck!!!

[AllisonR]

Originally Posted by petey44

I had sex ed in 5th or 6th grade, I think. At one point during that week, my mom said, "so, you're taking sex ed at school. Anything you want to talk about?" I was embarrassed, and said, "no."
That was the extent of our "conversation" about sex, for my whole life. Needless to say, I ended up with a few issues
Now DH and I talk to DSD (16) about sex ALL the time, and will do the same with DD (22 months) when she's older.

Same story. Only my mom asked when I was 19, and already off at college. Gee, if I hadn't figured it out by then, something was really wrong with me. I've also done a complete 180 regarding openness with my DCs, probably partly because of the frigid enviornment in which I was raised.