two year old goes through "withdrawal" if not nursed on demand

[nj's_mom]

I nursed DD exclusively up until about five and a half months old, and even past the introduction of solids, she was mainly just nursing until about a year old. Now she eats (sometimes more than others) but still LOVES to nurse, especially to nap, to relax, etc. All good stuff. My issue is this- am I allowed to say no, to set limits? She will accept a "not right now" or "not here" in public, like the beach, park, etc. But if we are home, especially near a bed/couch/etc, if I dare to say "not right now" or "in a little bit" she FREAKS. I mean full on tantrum from her core- starting slowly like she's giving me a chance to cave in (which I sometimes do) but it will escalate to a serious place if I don't. Yesterday, after I'd nursed her both sides (which she always demands) several times, during what was supposed to be her nap, she was kicking, playing, etc. So I said "all done" and the trantruming began. Since I had already nursed her several times, I stuck to my guns, and it literally got to the point where she was hyperventilating, shaking, twitching- it was insanity.

I honestly think I am her "security blanket". I think saying "no" to her (at times) is the same as taking away her security item or her lovie. Am I spot on, or no? Is it okay to set limits (and feel resentful when she responds this way) or should I be giving her what she really seems to need, when at home, on demand?

[annettemarie]

Moving to Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy, as per the CLW forum guidelines.

[RiverSky]

Honestly, that doesn't sound unusual to me at all. On the contrary, it sounds actually quite normal to me. Are you willing to nurse her on demand as much as you can for say the next 6-12 months or are you dying to stop right now?

Once I weaned my son around the same age, I later totally regretted it because I suddenly had NO MEANS of calming him down when he got hurt, was sick or upset, and it was so hard. At least now you have that means of keeping her happy, if you can just relax and let your frustration with it go (if you can). It's hard sometimes, but I find that if I focus on worse scenarios, I tend to be able to find peace with current situations a little more easily.

[lifeguard]

The fact that she can accept "later" when you're in public says to me she is capable of accepting this. But she's not used to having to wait when you're at home. I'd start by saying "later" at times that you know she is not really interested at home just to get her used to the idea & then make the "later" 5 minutes from now & slowly stretch it out.

I think it is totally reasonable to set boundaries with nursing just like everything else.

[nj's_mom]

RiverSky, I'm not looking to stop nursing at all- I'd just like a little bit of control over when we nurse, and I honestly don't like what a hold nursing has over her at times! Nothing else in her life will she get this upset over- nothing else will I not be able to talk/reason with her about. I mean, the closest it gets is candy or sweets, and even that, we can get around. Not her nursing!

Lifeguard, that might be helpful- except that she tends not to ask unless she means it, when at home. It is very black it white right now.

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by lifeguard

The fact that she can accept "later" when you're in public says to me she is capable of accepting this. But she's not used to having to wait when you're at home. I'd start by saying "later" at times that you know she is not really interested at home just to get her used to the idea & then make the "later" 5 minutes from now & slowly stretch it out.

I think it is totally reasonable to set boundaries with nursing just like everything else.

I agree with this. I have 2 kids and I was much less 'on demand' with my little girl b/c I didn't want the big hurdle that it became with my son. I think it's a wonderful thing for a child to realize that other things and people can be comforting, too.

I think putting your own needs first sometimes is perfectly appropriate. I like the concept of 'family needs'. All needs have to be balanced. It can't be all 2 year old, all the time, KWIM?

[lifeguard]

Alternatively, could you offer her "let's nurse now & then we won't nurse again until..." to preempt her asking? Or after she asks, say "yes, we will nurse now but then we won't nurse again until...".

[bobandjess99]

I think it's perfectly fine to set your own limits. I'm not a fan of dism,issing a childs needs of course, but your needs have value as well.

[chipper26]

My dd just turned 2 and nurses pretty much on demand. I've been trying to stretch things out by saying "just a minute" or "after I do _______" and sometimes she forgets or I'm able to distract her. She'll usually come back to it, but not right away.

Most of the time in public I tell her we have to wait until we get home. Now she says "Nummies on the sofa at home?" if we are out somewhere. She knows she needs to wait and she's usually fine with it.

I only nurse her in public in extreme situations like a HUGE meltdown with the only comfort being nursing, she gets hurt, she's sick or we are traveling.

I am also my dd's security blanket. I know exactly what you mean.