Babysitting for your friends' kids... - Page 2

[rhiOrion]

DD's daycare was closed July 4th week, so my good friend watched her for three days. I paid her the amount that I would have paid daycare.

But she didn't agree to babysit with an expectation of payment. She actually looked pretty surprised about the check I wrote. But, in this case, she was truly acting as a babysitter.

Plus, it's unlikely that I would babysit her son in the near future for more than maybe a few minutes. I would do it, absolutely, but I have a 4 months old, and he's a very active toddler and our house is very non child proofed, plus he is pretty attached to mama, so it's just never really happened.

If she watched my DD for an hour or two I'd likely just bring her back some small token- a dessert from the restaurant if we were going out on a date, or something of that nature.

As both of our kids get older I imagine we'll trade play dates every once in a while, but for right now, watching a 4 month old when she also has a toddler isn't a playdate. I think it's probably a form of torture- but at the very least I thought it deserved payment

[liberal_chick]

We have no family where we are, so we frequently rely on our friends to baby-sit when needed (or sometimes just for a date night if we haven't gone in a while).

With one of our friends it is a true exchange. She'll keep mine pretty much anytime she's available and I return the favor. I never tell her 'no' as long as I don't have a previous engagement that can't be rescheduled. And it is wild! She has 3 boys and I have 2, so it is chaos when one of us has them all.

I have another friend that has kept our kids before, but I don't ask her too terribly often b/c she's never asked me to keep hers and I don't want to take advantage. I know that she doesn't ask me, though, b/c she has tons of local family that WANTS to keep hers, so she just doesn't NEED me.

I've never asked for money (and never would!) and have never paid. I tend to think it is just what friends do for one another.

[crunchy_mommy]

So many good ideas! I think part of the issue is that DS is only 1.5 and as he & our friends' kids get older, this won't be as much of an issue (once DS is out of the toddler years I think I will feel a little more comfortable having people watch him, having playdates without the other parent present, etc. So probably some of this will just naturally evolve. I'm honestly not sure I'm even ready to have someone watch DS but it occurred to me the other night that HEY I actually would trust this friend! So I got excited but I think I'm not quite *there* yet -- maybe by the time I'm ready I'll also be ready to watch her DD & it won't be an issue.

I think I'll just let my other friend know, "Hey if you ever want to drop DD off for a playdate with M, let me know, we'd love to have her!" I think that makes it clear that there's no $$ involved?

That rummage sale idea is great (except I don't have enough stuff for that lol) -- Craigslist is tricky because it's anonymous etc. Maybe I'll offer things to friends first and then list it...

[One_Girl]

I don't expect my friend to pay me when I watch her child and she doesn't expect me to pay her. Before I was willing to let anyone except my mom and daycare watch dd I would watch her son on occassion as a favor and I wouldn't take money. He was over way less than some of her other friends who came on playdates so I didn't feel like it was right to accept money from a friend and not expect to see a dime from the dad who kept dropping his kid off for hours (and sometimes overnight and into the next evening).

I didn't think that my friend would be a good person to watch dd, but she is really awesome with her now that we do a more even swap. Once your dd gets older you may find that she does great with the friend you aren't sure of now.

[leighi123]

I'm part of an awsome group of moms, and if one of us needs a babysitter (usually its some sort of 'emergancy'), then we just post and see who can help! I was lucky enough to have someone watch my ds for a few hours one day when I had to work, and next time she or anyone else needs someone to watch their kiddos, if I can do it, I will.

No money is involved unless it was a pre-set up, regular type of thing.

I did bring muffins though!

[Learning_Mum]

My friend and I exchange babysitting, though to be honest she has probably watched my kids more.

I don't pay her, but I do try and bring her a couple of her favourite (non-alcoholic) drinks that she likes to drink every day or some other kind of treat.

Usually though we both have our parents to babysit when needed so the babysitting we've done for each other is usually when, for example, I've needed to go to an appointment and my Mum and Dad have been away or busy or something. Not that I don't trust her, I just don't want to put her out really, together we have two four year olds, a two year old and a 4 month old so it can be busy.

[pianojazzgirl]

I thought I'd add this to the thread, even though it doesn't pertain directly to the OP, since several posters have mentioned the chaos of babysitting your own kids plus a friend's multiple kids. Something that we do with one set of friends is regularly exchange "date nights". Instead of having the other couple's kids over here to babysit them (or vice versa) we send the dad to the other house to babysit while the mom (ie. me or my friend) stays at home with her own kids. That way we can maintain a normal bedtime routine without it devolving into the chaos of a "sleepover party" (which, when you're talking about two 2 yr olds and two 5 yr olds can be pretty nuts!).

[pianojazzgirl]

OP - I definitely think (as you suspect) that as your ds gets older babysitting exchanges will become easier and make more sense. When he enters the age of being able to really play with other kids it can sometimes even be easier to have a playmate over than to entertain him yourself! (I have a set of friends who regularly "borrow" my dd to play with their ds so that they can get work done!).

[Lilygoose]

My best friend and I have done this both ways. She has a 6 year old son and I have an almost 2 year old daughter. Prior to having my DD my friend would ask me to babysit occasionally when she was in a tight spot and I did it for free. Payment was never expected or offered, because it was occasional. After having my DD, once she was older and I felt comfortable, my best friend and I babysat for each other more often-still no payment but it was an exchange (not formal, no one kept track if it all matched up or anything, but we helped each other out). When I wanted to take my DD out of daycare except for 2 days each week (she was that odd child that thrived and loved it as a baby but needed extra one on one around 18 months) my best friend was willing to watch my DD for one day each week. I paid her, a modest fee, probably less than the going rate, but not a tiny amount either. We were able to discuss this pretty easily. She was not currently working and the extra cash helped her out. Now she is working and I watch her son 3-4 times a month for her, so we are back on an exchange (she still watches my daughter once a week). We usually just do whatever seems right at the time. On the side note of your being uncomforatable with your OTHER friend watching your child becasue of choices she makes for her own, it is possible that she would follow your expectations regarding your child. My best friend is a lot more lax than I am about certain things. However she feels that my decisions are whats best for my chold so she follows my expectations regarding my DD. Things such as car seat safety. Only I install the carseat in her car and judge when it is safe. She was more lax with her son (followed the law, but turned him at 1 year, never made sure the seat was installed exactly perfect, etc.). I trust her to understand my more nervous nature and follow my expectations becasue she knows its important to me and therefore to my DD. Not saying that all people are good at this, but some are.