Am I "creating a monster"?

[lemontree]

DS will be 10 mths next week. Just about every night of his life he has had a bath, then a massage, then DH reads him 3/4 little books and then I nurse him off to sleep and put him in his crib in our bedroom.

He wakes 30 min-an hour later and I nurse him back into crib (usually takes less than 10 min) he wakes again an hour or two later and If I'm ready for bed I take him to bed with me. We have a king sized bed. He nurses just about every hour all night long - and every once in a while will have a full wake up where it takes him an hour to fall back asleep.

I'm tired yes- but that's beside the point. "sleep training" is du rigeour in my community and I honestly have never really considered CIO. But it seems like every other baby (even the very few ap co sleeping famies that I have found) sttn. Am I doing something wrong?

My thinking was always to start him in his crib at night ( he naps there sometimes too) and one day he wil sleep for a longer stretch. Am I delusional?do any of you have stories of all night nursers sttn? Or heck, even st5 hours?

[EdnaMarie]

My thinking was always to start him in his crib at night ( he naps there sometimes too) and one day he wil sleep for a longer stretch. Am I delusional?

I will just say, I thought the same thing, and it never happened with my children. My first was 2.5 when I had to ask her to sleep alone to learn to STTN, and with my second I started earlier. Neither had to cry alone, and the baby still wakes up with me, but in my personal experience, my kids needed to learn to fall asleep, and fall back asleep, without nursing in order to sleep longer stretches. Baby still nurses at night and wakes with me (she's 15 months) but I am working on getting that slowly stopped.

I'm tired yes- but that's beside the point.

When you're so tired that all you think about is sleep, then you may need to re-think how you are doing things, but if you're just a little tired but still happy and functioning, then you don't need to change, in my humble opinion.

[lach]

Waking up every hour at night is a lot at that age, unless it's a short period where he's sick or growth spurting. It's not healthy for him and it's not healthy for you. And I'm absolutely not suggesting night weaning or CIO or anything like that: but I do think that you should try to look into a way to encourage him to sleep longer stretches. And yes, there are ways to do this without CIO.

There's a counterintuitive "rule" that sleep begets sleep. So the more sleep he gets, the longer stretches he'll go and the better sleeper he'll be. Make sure that he gets enough naps during the day. He should still be taking two naps: a shorter morning nap and a longer afternoon nap. Also, most 10 month olds really should be in bed sometime between 6 and 7. If he is in daycare and doesn't get home by then, just do what you can to put him to bed as early as possible.

There's a very good book called Sleepless in America. However, I found it mostly helpful for older kids. There is another book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child which I found more useful for babies. Be warned: he is VERY pro-CIO. However, I got a ton of very useful information from that book and implementing his strategies without CIO was perfectly fine and very effective for my children.

[lemontree]

He's a pretty good napper. Usually taking one 1 1/2 to 2 hour nap in morning and another hour long nap in the afternoon. He is in bed between 630 and 8 depending on his nap (tends to sleep 2 hrs after waking up-3 hours after that nap and then bed 4 hours after he wakes from second nap)

He only really wakes up once if at all, though he nurses every hour or two if that makes sense. I am a sahm and although I am tired, I am not over the top exhausted- I guess I am in a very light sleep through all his nursing at night? My main concern is that I'm somehow "messing him up" sleep wise..... Perhaps I should try the no cry sleep solution? Darn! I was hoping to read stories from mamas saying that it's all ok.....

[Kirsten]

Waking every hour seems like a lot of sleep interuptions for him and for you. He doesn't NEED to nurse every hour all night long, but it is/has become a habit for him. It isn't just full access nursing all night vs CIO. My babies woke more often when they were in my room (in a bassinette). When I moved them to the crib in the nursery at 3 months old (each of my three kids), they started sleeping longer stretches immediately - although to be honest (and put myself at risk of tomatoes being thrown at me) my kids all slept through the night very young. My theory is that when they'd come to lighter parts of the sleep cycle, they could smell milk if they were in the same room with me, and would actually wake up.

I think if you bring him to bed with you, he will continue to do what he does now - wake often and nurse. If you want him to get more sleep, maybe try nursing him in a rocking chair in the nursery and putting him down there? Take him to bed if he just won't settle and you are exhausted. But yes, I'm in the "creating a monster" camp. Sorry...

[hildare]

my dd is 9 mos. old and we have similar situations; we just now reached the point where i could get her to fall asleep in her own room (montessori floor bed not a crib) for a few hours and then cosleep once she wakes the first time.
to me, your routine sounds nice! i see no problem with it at all. as long as you get enough sleep to function, i really wouldn't worry-- the all night nursing is just what we do & what we're used to around here.
i woh, though, and i know that reverse cycling is normal and keeping us close.

the different areas/forums here tend to give you different responses.. if you post this in the "breastfeeding" area, you'll get a ton more thumbs-up responses there. in my opinion, at least, you're doing great!

[carmel23]

I guess I would ask myself, when do you expect him to sleep through the night, all by himself?

And is a baby waking to nurse really a "monster?"

It is just a matter of perspective to me.

I had no problem with my kids waking periodically at night to nurse, until they weaned after their second birthday.

Is your baby teething? Learning to walk? Developmentally there are a lot of reasons why baby is waking, not just because he "smells milk."

I figure I have years and years to sleep. My babies are only babies once. But it really comes down to what you expect. I never expected my kids to sleep through the night, and even from 15 months to 2 years, my baby would often wake up at least once.

[hildare]

Originally Posted by lach

Waking up every hour at night is a lot at that age, unless it's a short period where he's sick or growth spurting. It's not healthy for him and it's not healthy for you.

i respectfully disagree with this. it's not unhealthy for either of you.

[carmel23]

Originally Posted by hildare

my dd is 9 mos. old and we have similar situations; we just now reached the point where i could get her to fall asleep in her own room (montessori floor bed not a crib) for a few hours and then cosleep once she wakes the first time.
to me, your routine sounds nice! i see no problem with it at all. as long as you get enough sleep to function, i really wouldn't worry-- the all night nursing is just what we do & what we're used to around here.
i woh, though, and i know that reverse cycling is normal and keeping us close.

:

[boobs4milk]

we are still up a lot at night, sometimes multiple times in an hour. i'm tired, but that comes with parenting. i can't take off my momma hat because it's 9 pm! hugs and keep up the great work. eventually, they sttn. eventually.

[MusicianDad]

Honestly, it sounds like you are pretty much fine with the situation as it stands. Your DC is getting his he needs... So why change? I always say "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

And just for the record, I would love a massage before bed every night. I am so totally jealous of your LO right now.

[MamieCole]

Up only once per hour? I would have thought I was on vacation to get sleep like that when DS1 was 10 months.

Some babies are frequent wakers. Period. If you and your LO are happy, healthy and able to function during the day, then don't worry about trying to "do" anything to change. Trust me, things will change on their own and new patterns of sleep will happen as your LO grows and develops.

STTN is a development, just like everything else. Unless there is an underlying medical reason for the wakings, quite frankly there isn't anything you can do to make them sleep before they are able anyway. It's like trying to make them walk: Can't do it until they can do it.

[texaspeach]

are you ok with the situation? you don't really sound too upset by it. IMO, if you're ok with it, there isn't any reason to change it.

I would say that the waking up for an hr at night might be something you want to look deeper into, if it is bothering you. when ds gets something he is allergic to he wakes up a lot and tosses and turns. teething also throws us for a loop. some kids just wake up a lot and there isn't anything necessarily wrong with that.

my ds is almost 11 months old and generally goes to sleep somewhere between 9-11 pm. he typically starts the night off nursing to sleep in the rocking chair where I stay and check email, use the internet, read, etc., sometimes for an hour of two. we go to the family bed around 11 most nights and wake up around 9. I'm not sure how frequently he wakes - I use the breast as a soothing tool so if he does stir, I can get him back down very easily. I don't really remember these brief wakings. I *think* we get a 5 hr stretch but couldn't tell you for sure. I'm fine with the way things are most of the time, so I haven't taken any steps to change it.

if you want to make changes the no cry sleep solution does have a lot of good suggestions.

[NEastMomma]

Our situations sound similar, so I don't think you're creating a monster. I agree w/ the PP who said as long as you're not TOO tired then it is cool. My DS is almost 1 and still wakes at least 3time/night, sometimes to nurse, sometimes to just get some help lying back down and dozing off.

We start his night out in the crib, then eventually bring him to bed when one of his wakeups coincides w/ my bedtime.

I just think they have so much going on developmentally/teething-wise that I don't expect DS to STTN and I'm okay with it. I did notice that DS STTN for about 2 weeks after his bottom teeth came in and after he was really good at crawling. Now he's practing walking and his top teeth are bothering him, and STTN is GONE.

I think you're doing great!

[mamadelbosque]

DS2 is nearly a year old now and still sleeps with us. However he does not (usually!) wake up every hour or two. Mostly he falls asleep w/ me around 9-10pm and is taken up and layed down in the crib (which we have side-cared, so when he wakes I don't have to get up. I'm exceedingly lazy, I know :P), and he then usually sleeps in there for a good 3 or 4 hours till ~12-1pm when he wakes, and nurses and then goes back to sleep untill morning - maybe waking ~5 or 6m and then back to sleep till we actually get up around 7 or 8. Though that would count as a mearly "OK" night, not a 'good' night....

Just because your dc wakes up doesn't mean you have to nurse them - just reassure them that your there and see if they'll go back to sleep. I do that if ds wakes up repeatdly w/in a couple hours time/if I know he *Just* nursed. Usually he'll go back to sleep w/o nursing.

Good luck!!

[nextcommercial]

By "Creating a monster" I assume you meant a situation... not that your son can become the monster.

Yes, this can become a monster if you can't handle the lack of sleep. Some people do much better waking up every hour. I would have been a mess if I spent 10 months waking up every hour. Even when my husband snores, I pretty much want to cover his face with a pillow by 2:00 a.m. So, I'd be in serious deprived state by now.

If you don't mind it (and it doesn't sound like you do) then I wouldn't worry about it. If you really can't handle it, I'd try some type of sleep training.... I have absolutely NO idea what sleep training consists of, but it sounds like helping him learn to sleep without having to nurse every hour.

I would also imagine he'd feel better with a full night's sleep too. We all function better when we sleep.

[tzs]

i dunno...i think co-sleeping does lead to convenience nursing in many cases. because of this i got dd into a crib in our room before 3 months and then into her own room before 6 months when she was sleeping well enough that nursing in another room wouldn't be too tiring and before i was worried about separation anxiety setting in. i wasn't ok with the idea of convenience nursing and i really think sleep is important but there are those that will disagree so i guess the question is if you are ok with it?

my SIL co-slept with all her 5 kids but got the last one out of her bed way later than the rest and at 10 months she was waking 3 times more often than my 2 month old. but by that point it was a cycle she couldn't get out of. she was exhausted for all the waking but too exhausted to put the effort into transitioning her out (she also works full-time so i can see how this can happen.)

i think here alot of people will tell you everything is dandy but i really personally believe that waking every hour on a regular basis (yeah, we've had rough patches too but it's a rare thing followed by improvement) is alot for a 10 month old and not getting good consolidated sleep is not good for anybody, especially a babe. all their little brain connections are getting made now and it happens during sleep.

it's not the worst thing in the world, i don't think you;re creating a monster but i think if it's something that can be worked on then it merits giving it a try.

[bdoody11]

nak

My DD#1 sounds a lot like your son. She woke multiple times to nurse at night through her first and second year. I never did anything to change her sleep habits and, yes, she finally started sleeping long stretches gradually. The only thing I did was night wean at 2 1/2 because I was pregnant and exhausted. Still that was not a magic bullet for sleep. Now at 3 1/2 she sleeps from about 7 or 8 pm to 4 or 5 am before coming in our bed for an hour or two. Some nights she might be up at 1am, but she can still either go back to sleep in her own bed with some back rubbing or comes in our bed and goes back to sleep on her own. So in our case we waited it out and sleep did come. It will happen for you too...

Does 3 years seem like a long time to wait for a full night of sleep? Maybe. But like you, I didn't mind so much (I also WOH for my DD's first 2+ years and felt night nursing kept us close) and personally I was too lazy to make changes until forced (pregnancy in my case). That said if DD#2 is still waking a lot at 6 months to a year I will probably take gentle measures to get her to sleep better.

[LadyCatherine185]

My DS woke every hour or more his entire first year, and every 1-2 hours up until 18 months old. When I got pregnant again, things had to change. Before that, I was much too tired to try anything, so I went with what was easiest, which was cosleeping and side-nursing through the night. At 19 months we started nightweaning.. By 20 months he was nightweaned and only waking every 3-5 hours. We moved him to his own bed and DH began handling wakeups. He now STTN in his own bed 3-5 nights a week, with the other nights only having one wakeup.

I think that my son definitely needed help to head towards the STTN direction. On his own, he probably would not have STTN until closer to 3-4 years old. But, I waited until he was ready to handle the change, and I couldn't handle the nightwaking anymore, and I did something about it. He did great, never even cried. Fussed for a few minutes and learned how to sleep without nursing.

No, you are not "creating a monster." You are meeting the very real needs of your infant right now. If you are ok with it for now, keep doing it. If you need a change, then change it. IMO, waiting until they are ready for the change makes it much easier on baby and Mama.

[Plummeting]

I don't know what exactly you mean by "creating a monster". Do you mean that the night waking will get worse, or just that it will never stop? My DD1 drove me crazy with her night nursing the first 18 months. She nursed all.the.time at night. She did outgrow it some time in her second year, though. I didn't do anything to encourage it. She just stopped. She still nursed to sleep, we still co-slept all night, and she still nursed maybe once a night for a few months after that, but that's totally reasonable, IMO.

My DD2 is only 4 months old, and has been sleeping through the night, without nursing at all for 6 to 8 hours, since she was a few weeks old. She doesn't do it every night, but she does it most nights. We co-sleep and she has access if she wants it - she just doesn't want it.

So my opinion is that some kids are just cruddier sleepers and nurse more in the night. I have no idea why, but if you're both okay with it, then I don't see how it's bad for anyone. Now if you're utterly exhausted or otherwise unable or unwilling to deal with it anymore, then that's fine and you shouldn't feel bad about looking for a solution that works for you. I just don't think you need to change things if your situation already is working for you.