Swim Lessons (Resistance)

[quelindo]

My son is turning five tomorrow, and has never loved playing in water. In fact, for the longest time he would stand in the bath and in the outdoor wading pool. He never wanted to go in water any deeper than that -- until this summer. He surprised us by going right in to a hotel pool and then his grandparent's pool, walking around the shallow end, kicking, hanging on to a kickboard, etc. So I thought he might be ready for swim lessons.

Today was the first lesson in a small group (four kids including him, two of them he knows) in a non-cholorinated pool with a really nice young teacher. At first he willingly walked over with the other kids, and then when the teacher asked if he wanted to sit on the side he asked if he could walk down the stairs instead. He did that, and stood there kicking gently for a bit and then suddenly got upset and came to me. No matter what I said or how kindly the teacher invited him to come sit by the pool, he would not leave my side.

In the dressing room he started pinching me, and then when we got home he was telling me, "Go away, pest!"

So I don't know if I should just say, "Fine, we tried it, he's not going for it" or make him continue going, even if he just sits next to me. The lessons are Monday through Thursday for two weeks, half an hour sessions. It's not even the money ($75) -- I just don't know what to do.

I asked him what he didn't like, and as far as I can tell he doesn't like that the teacher is talking to the kids (making up games to show them how to do things). He really hates to be "taught" anything.

While I think swimming is an important skill to learn and I know my kid needs a little push sometimes, my philosophy in general is more one of following his lead and not bribing or punishing -- we unschool, and pushing him feels like going against that. Yet I don't want a kid who doesn't know the basics of how to stay safe in water.

Advice would be very much appreciated.

[HappyMommy2]

In your situation, I would keep going to the lessons, but allow him to sit on the edge (or even with you) and watch. Maybe he just needs some time to get comfortable with what swimming lessons really are. Since you already paid, I definitely would not stay home.

I would also consider bribery (as in offering juice treats if he stays with the other kids during class) .... but not all moms agree with that method!

I consider swim lessons a life skill, vital and necessary. But it isn't like you can force him to do it!

[Tjej]

He treated you very rudely. Even if he didn't like the lessons, it doesn't make it okay to pinch you or call you a pest. I hope that you called him on that.

As far as what to do about the lessons - it really just depends on who your son is. Some kids it'd be a total wash - some kids they'd eventually warm up to it. If there is any chance your son will warm up (even if it is a week from now), I'd say go back. If not, I'm not sure. It might be useful for him to sit by the pool and hear the instructions/lessons.

Crazy idea, but could you get in the pool with him? I know that is totally off the wall for the way our lessons are set up, but I wonder if that might work.

Tjej

[ElliesMomma]

$75 is a lot of money. in our park district, that pays for a swim pass good for the entire summer. if it were ME and my kid was "resistant," i'd buy the swim pass instead and just let him have *fun* at the pool in his own way... and figure on working up to swim lessons in the years to come.

now, i agree that swim lessons are important, and i am blessed that my daughter, who is 4, has loved swimming and took her lessons easily... and can even swim/dog paddle across the entire pool now. but we definitely spend our fair share of time (and then some) playing at the pool. we have always kept it fun. and both my husband and i demonstrate real swimming for her, so she can see that it's not just for her, it's for all of us.

we have found individual swim lessons to be much more beneficial and worth the money than the group lessons... and one reason is that the teacher focuses on just your kid and goes with whatever level they are at. in the group lessons we have enrolled our daughter in, there's always been one or more kid who, like your son, doesn't want to do it, cries or otherwise resists and it's a distraction to the rest of the class getting their lessons.

so that's my 2 cents on swim lessons. take it or leave it, i know others will probably say force him to sit through it. but i'm really big on keeping it fun. after all, while swimming IS a life skill, the times that you need it to literally save your ass are not so many, whilest the times you enjoy swimming for swimming's sake are many. it's a sport that you can enjoy for your entire life. ENJOY being the operative word. so why start out with the opposite of enjoy in his experience.

[Caneel]

Originally Posted by HappyMommy2

In your situation, I would keep going to the lessons, but allow him to sit on the edge (or even with you) and watch. Maybe he just needs some time to get comfortable with what swimming lessons really are. Since you already paid, I definitely would not stay home.

I would also consider bribery (as in offering juice treats if he stays with the other kids during class) .... but not all moms agree with that method!

I consider swim lessons a life skill, vital and necessary. But it isn't like you can force him to do it!

Agree with the above.

Last year we did both private (once) and group lessons (twice).

DS was resistant to the first round of group lessons and did sit on the edge for a day or two.

A month later we did lessons again, first private then group.

The private lessons didn't go as well as I hoped because the instructor (male) was too nice. Hard to explain but he was a total push over and totally let DS run the show, but not in a good way.

The group lessons were better as the instructor (female) just had this great attitude where she presented the lessons in a that made the kids want to do new skills. She was incredible.

Moral to my story, I think the instructor makes all the difference. Could you speak to the head of the program and tell them about your concerns? They may have an instructor that would be better suited to your DS.

[quelindo]

Originally Posted by Tjej

He treated you very rudely. Even if he didn't like the lessons, it doesn't make it okay to pinch you or call you a pest. I hope that you called him on that.

As far as what to do about the lessons - it really just depends on who your son is. Some kids it'd be a total wash - some kids they'd eventually warm up to it. If there is any chance your son will warm up (even if it is a week from now), I'd say go back. If not, I'm not sure. It might be useful for him to sit by the pool and hear the instructions/lessons.

Crazy idea, but could you get in the pool with him? I know that is totally off the wall for the way our lessons are set up, but I wonder if that might work.

Tjej

Don't worry, I don't let him walk all over me.

The problem with him just listening is that we were sitting on the closest bench just a few feet away and still couldn't hear the instructor. It was noisy in there, with lots of other lessons going on.

I offered to get in the pool with him (another mom in the previous session did that, so I assumed it would be okay) but he said no.

[mumkimum]

My dd (though younger - she's 4) has been in swimming this summer. She's always been resistant to water, hates getting her face wet, etc. She'll have days when she joins in and does everything with the class and others when she just sits on the side all class and plays with some water toy on the edge. I minimally try to ask her to at least be in the water, on the edge so she can see what's going on.

We've only managed to hit the pool to go family swimming a few times between lessons - which has helped (getting used to that particular place - and we'll do stuff together that she already does in her lessons). If my dd was more resistant, I think I'd honestly still continue to go, have her ready to swim and sit with her near the class and continue to encourage her to join in. In our case, I know that just watching other kids is a big part of how she is used to learning things, so I bug her more if she's sitting there and not paying any attention to what's going on instead of for just sitting there but not doing the same thing at all. There have also been kids in our lessons who get up, do completely different things for a bit or walk around the pool during lesson and then come back to participate - it's not terribly disruptive and they do better being in a class and able to do that.

I think if he seems to warm up - or if you wanted to see if you could 'exchange' your group lesson payment for any number of private lessons in the hopes he'd enjoy that more - I might inquire about doing something privately instead? They'd probably let him set some of his own goals/interests and he might be more motivated in learning that way.
Would he be more encouraged doing some on-your-own water safety learning and reading/learning about swimming (books/movies) to be able to more anticipate what he might be doing in class? That's something else you could consider finding stuff for.

[emilysmama]

Your son sounds a lot like my dd. When my dd was a baby/toddler/preschooler, she did not like bath time. So I gave her a lot of sponge baths.

My dd is 6 now, but I tried swimming lessons for her two years ago at 4 y.o. for the first time. Every time she went, the was excited, but as soon as she was in the water, she always looked terrified, and sometimes cried or tried to climb out of the pool. When we tried to take her out of the pool or tried to take her home, however, she refused. As soon as the lesson was over, she insisted that she wasn't scared and wanted to go right back. That is, until the following week's lesson, when the fear stuff started all over again at the first drop of water.

I agonized about it all summer long, and would have gladly pulled her from the lessons, but she kept insisting that she loved swimming, which was true only when she wasn't actually near the pool. So I kept her in the swimming lessons, but she was still afraid at the end of the summer.

The following summer, she was still afraid of the water. I also didn't have my act together, and didn't register her before all the spots were taken. So we skipped swimming lessons last summer when dd was 5 y.o.

This year dd is 6, and we tried it again. She loves it. She's not afraid. She is progressing rapidly.

It's amazing what one or two years difference makes.

Yes, I get it that swimming is important to the PPs. It is really important to me too. BUT. First, if a child is terrified, then the child will not have the attention span to listen to the instructor. Second. Children are learning to swim at a much earlier age than they used to. When I learned to swim, I was 7 years old, and thereafter I swam like a fish, and I even swam competitively. Where I live, it is more common than not to start the child swimming at 6 months of age. So I don't think I would really start the pushing of swimming until 8 or 9 years old. Right now, I would just offer, and probably in a year or two your son will suddenly change.

[pbjmama]

It sounds like he may have been over stimulated in this situation? Thus the acting out and such? I might go back and try again but not 'push it'.

[GuildJenn]

I live near a lake so swimming is pretty important.

My son's had some resistance and some bad experiences though. He was in a reasonably ok group class, but fell in the change room and got a concussion. When he finally went back he misheard the teacher's instructions and ended up having a really bad dunking. Then he had a good private instructor and got appendicitis and couldn't finish. Things happen.

My 'rule' has been that my son doesn't have to go in the pool, but he does have to go to the class and explain to the teacher why he's not going to do the class that day. 80% of the time, once he's gotten there he's gone in. We did take a break this summer because we just all needed it.

But his progress is still really spotty...I'm hoping for better this fall.

[meemee]

honestly i would not push it. i would look around for a private tutor and then try it later.

it is worth the investment. i dont see any reason why you have to force it.

my friend did the same with her son. did not push the issue at all. found a great swim teacher. invested a couple of hundred bucks in classes. 3 days for half hour each. by the end her son was leaping into the pool. diving in. jumping in. after that he and my dd would look for opportunities to play in the pool.

after seeing that - AND seeing he could swim after 3 half hour lessons, i feel no child should be pushed into it, esp. group lessons.

[zeldamomma]

If it were my kid, I would try to gauge whether he was reacting to the class itself, or just that it was new. If I wasn't absolutely sure that it wasn't a reaction to it being new, and maybe different from what he expected, I would have him go again (with the understanding that he might spend the class time sitting next to me). FWIW, the first time my oldest went to dance class, she absolutely hated it and never wanted to go back-- we gave it one more try, and she loved the second class and continued taking dance classes for years.

It's possible that he's not ready for swim lessons, and if that's the case, it would be kind to the other kids in his class if you pulled him out. It can be very stressful for the other kids if there's one kid who spends the classes scared and upset (I don't think it's good for the upset kid either, but clearly there are people who disagree with me on that, based on what I've seen at our local pool).

For me, giving it another try isn't about the money, but about helping your kid work through his anxiety.

[madskye]

I made DD stick with swim class--and it was hard. There were a lot of criers in her class, and she cried for the first few weeks. I have never made her stick with anything before, but she is overly confident around the pool and it was really important to us that she learn to swim this summer. I explained to her that it was important that she learn to swim for safety's sake. It was an 8 week class, and for her everything turned around when she got her mid-class assessment and saw that she had checkmarks on all the skills. I think she didn't think she could do it. After that--she loved swim class and was really happy and confident about it. It was hard to make her go to the first four classes, but in the end I am glad I did.