One thing I offer to do for my clients who want to refuse rhogam is to do a Kleihauer-Betke or Fetal Hemoglobin test (same test, different name) after the birth. The biggest impact of rhogam is when it is administered after the birth -- it takes the sensitization rate from about 10-15% to about 1%. Adding the prenatal rhogam cuts it further, I think to about .5% (but don't quote me on that).
So in my practice, if a mom wants to refuse prenatal rhogam, fine. Then I usually advise the postnatal rhogam but if she feels really strongly about that, I offer the Kleihauer-Betke test. That test stains the fetal blood cells in the mom's blood a different color and counts them. If there are any detectable cells then I make a much stronger case for the rhogam. If not, then I usually counsel them that the test can't detect very small amounts and there are no guarantees, but at least we believe that there hasn't been noticeable blood mixing.