Juggling kids in the family bed...and new behavior for 3 year old.

[flower01]

We are a family of 4. DD is 3, DS is 10 months. We all sleep in a king size bed. For a number of months now DD starts off in another room and then in the middle of the night joins us in bed. This has been really nice and we were thinking that this would lead to her sleeping on her own soon. No pressure from us at all though. She initiated and we just go with it. Anyway, Suddenly the last couple weeks she has really been resisting bedtime. Doing things that I've heard lots of kids do...hungy, thirsty, bathroom, story, too hot...etc. The problem is that because the norm for us is the family bed, we can't just leave her to cry and wake up the 10 month old. We have tried leaving her in the other room, but since it really isn't her bed she asks to sleep in the big bed with us or one night we even ended up sleeping on the couch. But, she's basically forcing us to lay with her until she falls asleep...and even with us laying with her she is crying. Me and DH and going back and forth and it's just exhausting. Plus, my DS is a light sleeper so even DD crying in the next room will wake him.

[SollysMom]

You might not like my advice, but I will offer it anyway...

We are also a family of 4, DS1 is almost 3 and DS2 is just shy of 8 months, and we cosleep. If DS2 goes to sleep first (most nights) he's in our bed from the beginning and then I put DS1 to bed in a separate room, then when we go to bed DH starts the night with DS1 until he wakes to nurse and then they both join DS2 and me in our bedroom.

Anyway, DS1 is very difficult at bedtime. He won't say he's hungry or thirsty or anything, he'll just say "want to get up" instead of lying with me and nursing to sleep. I usually try once to gently encourage him to lie back down with me, but otherwise I just let him get up and then try again a few minutes later (usually, the next time he asks to nurse which is often in the evenings). It's a losing battle because I can't force him to sleep, and forcing him to stay in the bedroom with me doesn't accomplish anything other than stressing me out. Sometimes he goes to bed pretty late and we don't get any grown-up time before we go to bed, but it's the best way we've found to deal with it.

That said, a couple things I'm working on now are suggestions that someone gave me from the book Sleepless in America (I haven't actually read the book). Consistent wake time, exposure to natural light soon after waking, consistent meal times and nap times (waking him up if needed), lots of outdoor/active play, and limiting active play (ahem DH) for the few hours before bed. I'm not implementing these things all at once and some of them are challenging for us, but I do believe some of those suggestions can be helpful.