at what age should a child wipe their own butt? - Page 3

[cappuccinosmom]

There wasn't an option I could pick. I don't think there's a particular age. Some will be developmentally able to do it earlier, and others will take longer.

[Sierra]

Originally Posted by Grace and Granola

but I think my real answer is....when they can!

Yes to all the posts along these lines.

Yes to all those who have said it varies by kid, like any milestone.

My mildly developmentally delayed 5 y.o. can do it, but he is very picky about cleanliness and often asks me to check how he did. When he has trouble, he appreciates help. I think we gave him a little push around the time he went to school, and at school, he does the best he can on his own. I think he tries to save his poop for home, honestly, because he knows he can't ask his teachers for help.

The big difference between him and my 4 y.o. is not dexterity, but actually type of poop. My 5 y.o.'s poop doesn't "plop" with a clean break, and it tends to be more "sticky" so it really is a lot harder to get off. Even *I* have trouble with it when I help him, and I can see what I am doing.

Wet wipes are actually horrible for plumbing, according to a plumber friend of mine, especially in old houses like mine, so we don't use wet wipes (I guess we could do cloth, but we were so glad to be done with diapers that we really haven't looked back). At the same time, ds' poop is a major skin irritation and results in more than "itchy bum," so I get why even though he knows he can do it, he still asks for help some of the time at home.

My 4 y.o. has trouble reaching her butt well enough due to size and dexterity, but once she can reach and really get in there for wiping, I think she'll have no problem because her poop always comes off very clean. She's going to school in the fall, so we've been asking her to try first before asking us for help. We'll probably have a talk about school expectations in the next couple of weeks.


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Edited because tonight I started to talk with dd about wiping and school, and ds chimed in to tell us both that the teachers actually can and do help (at their particular school) if necessary. This honestly really surprises me because the school is really big on independence and encouraging self-care skills. But ds said matter-of-factly that some kids arent ready. Hmm.

[kblackstone444]

I started my children wiping by themselves as soon as they were potty training. Of course, sometimes they needed help, and at first, it was "you wipe, and then I'll help if you need help". Flushable wipes helped, also. That's pretty standard at the daycares these days, also.

[tinuviel_k]

I'm glad to see all the "when they can" responses. Some kids are ready quite young, and some need a few more years. What is the big deal with that?

As to the several post expressing disbelief that a child older than four can't wipe their own bottom efficiently or that a parent is somehow holding their kids back from independence... Whatever. I think I know my own child well enough to be aware of when she could safely wipe poop themselves, and it was impossible at a young age for her. My daughter was 5.5 to 6 years old before she was able to achieve the proper reach and "front to back" technique perfectly. I'd rather have my child learn to wipe well than early. Poopy underwear and UTIs are not worth early independence to me, which is exactly what we would have gotten with my kiddo had I made her wipe herself too early.

A friend of mine really forced early wiping, and her daughter had chronic urinary tract infections from age 3-5 because she just couldn't wipe properly and kept getting fecal contamination in her vagina and urethra. The poor kid was antibiotics many times in those two years and had to cope with a lot of pain. She just wasn't ready.

[OGirlieMama]

I am actually caught between giggling and sighing at the thought that people are annoyed at 3, 4, or 5 year old children who can't/won't/don't wipe their own butts. Man, times are tough, aren't they?!

My 4.5-year-olds are sporadic. Sometimes they do it, sometimes they ask me to. If I'm around, I usually at least check their wiping, because I'm never quite sure if they're actually getting in there and wiping or just doing a ceremonial kind of thing. Most of the time it's clean after they wipe, but then again, most of the time it's clean even when I wipe the first time. They are remarkably clean poopers, for which I am awfully grateful.

[BennyPai]

My girls have been wiping their own butts since they finished potty training.

I've been to friends' houses and heard 4yo little ones calling to their mothers from the bathroom, "stuck" on the toilet until their mothers wiped them. By the time my girls moved on to the regular toilet (2 and a half - 3yrs old), I never had an opportunity to wipe their butts. They just went to the bathroom on their own and didn't see a need to consult with me... Flushing the toilet is another story... they're afraid of the flush.

[elizawill]

Originally Posted by OGirlieMama

I am actually caught between giggling and sighing at the thought that people are annoyed at 3, 4, or 5 year old children who can't/won't/don't wipe their own butts. Man, times are tough, aren't they?!

[ecoteat]

Originally Posted by mizzoh

ds is 4.5 and while he can wipe his own behind, it is often with disaterous results

I was about to say the same thing. I still prefer to wipe her most of the time mostly so I don't have to clean poop off her hands and have her complain that her butt itches later, only to find it all red and angry-looking. When she's at preschool she does it herself, but she hasn't had enough practice to be thorough enough. Luckily she doesn't poop at school very often!

I think over the course of this school year I'll start giving her pointers and the chance to try it with help sometimes. She certainly needs to be independent with that by kindergarten!

[AuroraPolaris]

My boys all have been starting to wipe themselves somewhere between 5 and 6 years old. Here school starts when they are 6, and it is expected that they can take care of it on their own by then.

[akwifeandmomma]

Originally Posted by mizzoh

ds is 4.5 and while he can wipe his own behind, it is often with disaterous results

This!

My oldest has wiped since he learned to use the toilet at 3. He's a private pooper, and very independent.

DS2? Notsomuch. He'll just skip it, and then I'm left wondering why there's a turd in the toilet with no paper... BLECH!

[lovingmommyhood]

I said three because that's when my DS's both started doing it on their own.

[major_mama11]

DD didn't regularly wipe herself until 4.5 (a few mos ago). I was strongly encouraging since age 3. She finally agreed to wipe herself IF she gets to use a baby wipe for poops.

Nephew is 4, and is still a non-wiper. SIL has found um, evidence that he just doesn't yet have the patience for accurate wiping yet.

[EdnaMarie]

I don't like "should" for child development so I didn't vote.

I think that physically, reaching is hard for a lot of kids, not to mention coordination *behind their backs*. I would not trust most two-year-olds to have that coordination, even if they did have the desire to wipe themselves.

I think that six is a late-bloomer but "shouldn't" doesn't apply. I would guess the average is 3.5... my child was trained early, but still needed help to get it clean until three, and she has very long arms.

[EdnaMarie]

Originally Posted by mamalisa

She did tell me last week that I had to wipe it until she got married, then he husband would do it for her. Good luck with that!! I can't get her dad to put his dirty underwear in the hamper!!

This had me literally laughing out loud. Sometimes I would love to see how those gears work in their little heads.

[kelly234578]

I am SOOOOOO glad someone has enough sense to realize that not all children can do the reach around butt wipe...and that wiping fecal matter up into the vaginal area is unhealthy and causes UTI's.

MY PROBLEM  is the 5 year old is GROSSED out by POOP!  She literally gags if you even mention POOP.  This has been an ongoing argument between mother and grandmother.  Mother insist that she wipe her butt herself...grandmother says you have to check it at the very least and assist if necessary.  

As a result of insisting the child wipe even though she cant reach herself properly and is grossed out...she will hold too long...poops a bit in her pants...sits in it for a bit...then announces she has had an accident...I need help.  We get her cleaned up...but then she has a blistered sore bottom (poop is wicked on the skin)  and she is obviously embarrassed.  The grandmother validates that poop is kinda gross but you must wipe and at some point you will be able to do it and you will not be grossed out...and until then she will be assisted her with wiping.  Mom thinks this is coddling and not necessary...any input would be appreciated!

[onyxravnos]

at 5 he is totally  independent . this summer we did you 'you wipe mom checks' until he had it down.

[KayasMama04]

Wet wipes for the toliet are great for early learning.

[greenemami]

Originally Posted by Cascadian 

Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy

I just started making him do it consistently about a month ago (at 2.5) and we haven't had any problems, other than him using waaay too many flushable wipes just for fun, lol.

i'm always really unimpressed by kids at school (I used to work in an elementray school) who were calling their kindy or 1st grade teacher to come help them in the bathroom. Well, I guess i'm unimpressed by the parents--it's not the kids' fault. I really dont' see why someone that old cannot wipe their butt---

TBH I don't think that many 2 yr olds have the ability to really clean their behinds without leaving residue. Sitting in that all day is not only stinky and uncomfortable, but a health hazard (remember the odd times that you left a poopy diaper too long accidentally and had a huge old painful and ugly rash to deal with?)

It really has a lot to do with the child. Some have fine motor skill dexterity earlier than others, and it doesn't mean that they're slow, or developmentally disabled. Kids develop different skills at different times.

hahah the thought of my 2.5 year old wiping his own butt...would probably result in a whole roll of TP in and around the toilet.  And other frightening things.  He can physically wipe his own butt, yes, but doesn't have the ability yet to figure out what is clean and what is not and what is just fun to play with.  My dd started wiping her own butt when she was late 4, I think, but could have probably late 3 or early 4, just didn't want to (which was no big deal to me, she didn't got to preschool or anything so it wasn't an issue.) 

[loveandgarbage]

We still help our 4 yr old wipe but we're working on him being independent about it. Part of me knows that he won't get himself really clean and that's why I like to wipe him! But the other part of me knows he just has to do it himself to really learn. We use toddler wet wipes which IMHO is a lot easier for kids that TP for getting truly clean. I'd like to phase them out but for right now they're a life saver.

[stacyann21]

My son was able to do a thorough enough job wiping himself around 4.5. Before that I usually had to assist or he would have poo stains in his underwear and complain of an itchy bottom.