Tired of feeling unsupported

[widemouthedfrog]

Please excuse my ranting. I may delete this at some point. Sigh.

I am so, so tired of feeling unsupported. I am a person who has many ideas, and in the last 15 years I've become so much more confident about implementing them. I am married to someone who loves the status quo and have a mother who worries every time I do something new. Currently, I am trying to create a forest school for my dd and for others. It will be wonderful. There is so much community support. However, my dh says he is just letting me do this but not supporting me, and my mother is all over herself with worry about my daughter's future. It's like this with almost every new endeavour, and I am so tired of it. But maybe I am wrong to start things. Maybe it's better to have the status quo and do what everyone else does.

She's five, and I just want to hang out with her some more. I develop nature programs for a living, so creating what I'm creating is perfectly in line with my beliefs and experience. I find that the communities that I belong to understand. But my family doesn't understand at all.

Sorry, rant over.

[mom2happy]

She's five. What?? Her future? This is a great idea and if you have community support thats awesome. Maybe when your dh sees how wonderful your child is doing it will convince him that its fine. Its just homeschooling right?
I was torn between the choice to hs and my dh wanted me to try ps first.
We are trying it and if it doesnt work for dd we will start hs.
Education around nature and learning about our earth is the MOST beautiful healthy way to appeal to a child (I think).

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by widemouthedfrog

However, my dh says he is just letting me do this but not supporting me,

This would really hurt me. I always count on my spouse's support with my projects. My mother never supports me either, but I've worked hard over time to let go of that. I just can't change who she is. I'm not the daughter she wanted - the one she sent to etiquette school, wanted to date the star athlete. Instead, I'm more likely to be found in old paint clothes or organizing a rally. A couple of years ago, I started actually saying to myself when I saw her on my caller ID "you cannot control who she is or what she does." Over time it's helped and is the second-nature way I deal with her. It's really am arms-length kind of relationship, and that's not the happiest. It's what I have, though, and it works. Maybe you could try something similar.

As for your husband...I don't know. What he said is hurtful. I don't think he should lie, but ouch. Would it help if you had a heart to heart with him? My husband, like yours, is generally happy with the status quo. "That's the way things are." I'm not, but he says it's part of my charm. Seriously, he will sometimes get panicky about something I'm doing - like putting 110 pinwheels in our yard in April to represent abused children - but he still supports it.

[widemouthedfrog]

Visionarymom, sounds like we're very similar. I would absolutely put pinwheels in my yard (grin) or do whatever other wacky things I've done in the past. Dh has always said that these things are part of my charm, even as he panics and tells me not to do them. However, when it comes to a couple of issues (having another child, sending dd to school) we have some fundamental disagreements. Heart to hearts got us to this point, which is way better than sending dd to full day kindergarten (the first year of full day k in our area). So I guess I'm seeing myself as lucky to be "allowed" to do this. Dh is a public school teacher and really does not believe in homelearning.

Normally I can take on whatever project I want, as long as I don't let them obviously bleed over into our family life. Heck, dh rarely knows the details of whatever project I'm involved in - he often knows that they exist, but that is about it.

However, these two issues are where his everyday life intersects with my projects, and that's where it's uncomfortable for him. On the other hand, I don't see this as my project - I see it as a wonderful opportunity to build something that will be meaningful to our dd, to continue the status quo of our home life (since it would mean that I would continue to SAH with her part time) and to build something of value to our community.

[wondermama]

First, allow me to support you

The forest school sounds fabulous -- I would love for my ds to go to one! You are creative and and are taking great initiative, and in my opinion, lack of outdoor time is such an issue for many children -- you may actually change some lives here! Way to go mama!

Now, you need to find some amazing women to meet with on a regular basis (I'm guessing you'll find some like-minded mamas who send their kiddos to your school?). Do this ASAP. I have a women's group that meets twice a month and it saves all of our sanity. Truly.

My mom and my husband don't truly get me, either. And it's okay. My kids do , and so do my fabulous group of women -- we totally, totally support each other on all levels -- please find some kindred souls to support you as you deserve.

[widemouthedfrog]

Thanks for the support.

Yes, I think that you're right. I have been feeling the lack of a supportive group of friends and have neglected that for a while. It is easy to do, as I work part time and want to spend my time with dd when I am here. I did have such a group, but I'm no longer comfortable hanging out with them, and I suppose that I am feeling the absence the last 6 months or so. I have been trying to cultivate a new friendship or two.

How does your women's group work? With kids? Without? Get together and chat, or do you have an excuse?

I wish that my dh could be a sounding board for this, because frankly I am pretty excited about it. But you are right, in lieu of a partner who supports the idea, a group of friends is very important.

[MariaMadly]

Originally Posted by widemouthedfrog

Normally I can take on whatever project I want, as long as I don't let them obviously bleed over into our family life. Heck, dh rarely knows the details of whatever project I'm involved in - he often knows that they exist, but that is about it.

Umm, is your DH as scrupulous that his teaching career and its implications and ideology not "bleed over" into your family life? Not that I like the idea in either direction. You are not an intruder.

[widemouthedfrog]

Originally Posted by MariaMadly

Umm, is your DH as scrupulous that his teaching career and its implications and ideology not "bleed over" into your family life? Not that I like the idea in either direction. You are not an intruder.

Content-wise, yes. He doesn't like to mix work and home. He doesn't tend to talk about the details of his work at home. Time-wise, he brings work home so his career does move into the family time, but after he has finished his very busy schedule (he's also doing grad studies) we will work on this.