DD is just about 5 years old. She's a peanut and has been around the 3rd percentile of the growth chart for years.
Some good things we do:
- We NEVER make her eat anything. We don't bribe. We don't cajole. The closest thing we do is sometimes make a game out of eating if she's reluctant (like pretending the food is screaming for mercy... lol, sounds awful but it's funny and it can work) but even that is not coercive. She chooses to go along with it, she'll open her mouth for the screaming food if she wants. No, we don't scream the food often, maybe once a week.
- We present her food and she decides what she wants off the table and how much she wants. We never make her clean her plate or eat something she doesn't want.
BUT. Obviously we screwed up majorly along the way somewhere.
- She loves cereal. She would live on cereal, night and day, if she could. I personally think cereal is about as valuable to the body as a sock on the ear, but my DH worries about her calorie intake and keeps boxes and boxes of cereal around.
- She had a handful of decent foods that she used to like, and one by one they drop off. Take rice and beans, I make a very rich, cheesy, eggy rice and beans dish, it's delicious and has a decent amount of protein for an otherwise carbohydrate-addicted child. But suddenly she stopped liking it. Ditto the pasta and veggies with a cream sauce dish she used to love. Ditto eggs. And so on.
The thing that is driving me absolutely bonkers right now is that she will REQUEST a certain food (either out of the blue, or maybe for dinner I'll say "would you like X or Y" and she'll show enthusiasm for one or the other if I'm lucky). And then she will Not. Eat. A. Bite.
I admit I get really pissy about this. I'm not complaining about her not cleaning her plate. I'm complaining about her deciding she would like to snack on an orange, having an orange peeled for her, and then having to throw the perfectly good orange in the GARBAGE (or eat it myself, though I am 30 pounds overweight and certainly don't need to add the job role of "family dog licking plates" to my duties).
I recently estimated we throw away $40 a week, 40% of our food budget, away. Because of DD.
Yes, this is our fault and not DD's. I understand this. I DON'T, however, understand how we got here and what to do about it. I do understand food waste is a fact of raising kids, but not to this degree.
Some refused foods I will put in the fridge and say that when she's hungry she can eat it. And the next meal is just that food and tough luck if she doesn't feel like it then. Either she's hungry and she'll eat the food, or she's not hungry. This tactic has been a dismal failure thus far.
Other foods it's not really realistic to do that - like oatmeal with berries (this is what she got excited about for breakfast yesterday, I made it for her, and she sniffed it and said it was too hot, she went off to play to let it cool down, I called her back after a few minutes and told her it was cool enough, she sniffed and said she didn't want it. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Oatmeal is just going to get all nasty mushy in the fridge.
We have long since been asking her "are you SURE?" Like, she'll want an egg. "OK, are you SURE? Because I will be boiling this egg special for you." "YES, I really want an egg!!" "So you're going to actually eat it, right?" "Yes, yummy!" "Here's your egg." "I don't want it."
I've told her "You know, we don't believe you anymore when you say you want a food. What should we do? How can we believe you if you say you want a food?" But she doesn't really understand.
So here's what I'm thinking, what do you think?
- Goodbye cereal. No more cereal. She doesn't get to rely on cereal as a backup. I have to get my DH on board with this because he is scared to death that she'll actually starve to death, and feels that feeding her crappy cereal is better than nothing. But my hope is that if cereal is not an option, she might actually eat, you know, food.
- I would still like to give her choices for dinner. I don't just say "what do you want for dinner" - I know that's absurd. But I like to say "would you like rice and beans or pasta with brocolli?" But maybe I should not ask her for her input at all, EVER.
- I am also thinking maybe her bedtime snack should be slowly rescinded. She needs to eat during the day. Right now she will just not eat and then her dad will take her downstairs before bed and feed her cereal. She should have dinner and that's it, that's best for the body. It's like she's just holding out. DH does it because he's concerned, I know why. But I feel like the status quo is not acceptable, and we need to change it.
- And I need to stop being angry about it, but it's so hard. I am honestly angry about it. I really am. If we didn't waste $40 a week on food going straight into the garbage, we could eat more meat. We could eat better food. Maybe I could even eventually afford dental care for myself. Children everywhere eat the food they get, and they are damn grateful for it to boot. I was a picky eater but I never behaved like this. I'd avoid eating the veggies on my plate but I'd make do with the rest - the roll of bread, the applesauce, I'd pick at the pork chops I didn't like but, hey, I was hungry. Ditto my husband. I don't know where we went wrong to teach her so much disrespect of food and resources when DH and I value them very much.
Some good things we do:
- We NEVER make her eat anything. We don't bribe. We don't cajole. The closest thing we do is sometimes make a game out of eating if she's reluctant (like pretending the food is screaming for mercy... lol, sounds awful but it's funny and it can work) but even that is not coercive. She chooses to go along with it, she'll open her mouth for the screaming food if she wants. No, we don't scream the food often, maybe once a week.
- We present her food and she decides what she wants off the table and how much she wants. We never make her clean her plate or eat something she doesn't want.
BUT. Obviously we screwed up majorly along the way somewhere.
- She loves cereal. She would live on cereal, night and day, if she could. I personally think cereal is about as valuable to the body as a sock on the ear, but my DH worries about her calorie intake and keeps boxes and boxes of cereal around.
- She had a handful of decent foods that she used to like, and one by one they drop off. Take rice and beans, I make a very rich, cheesy, eggy rice and beans dish, it's delicious and has a decent amount of protein for an otherwise carbohydrate-addicted child. But suddenly she stopped liking it. Ditto the pasta and veggies with a cream sauce dish she used to love. Ditto eggs. And so on.
The thing that is driving me absolutely bonkers right now is that she will REQUEST a certain food (either out of the blue, or maybe for dinner I'll say "would you like X or Y" and she'll show enthusiasm for one or the other if I'm lucky). And then she will Not. Eat. A. Bite.
I admit I get really pissy about this. I'm not complaining about her not cleaning her plate. I'm complaining about her deciding she would like to snack on an orange, having an orange peeled for her, and then having to throw the perfectly good orange in the GARBAGE (or eat it myself, though I am 30 pounds overweight and certainly don't need to add the job role of "family dog licking plates" to my duties).
I recently estimated we throw away $40 a week, 40% of our food budget, away. Because of DD.
Yes, this is our fault and not DD's. I understand this. I DON'T, however, understand how we got here and what to do about it. I do understand food waste is a fact of raising kids, but not to this degree.
Some refused foods I will put in the fridge and say that when she's hungry she can eat it. And the next meal is just that food and tough luck if she doesn't feel like it then. Either she's hungry and she'll eat the food, or she's not hungry. This tactic has been a dismal failure thus far.
Other foods it's not really realistic to do that - like oatmeal with berries (this is what she got excited about for breakfast yesterday, I made it for her, and she sniffed it and said it was too hot, she went off to play to let it cool down, I called her back after a few minutes and told her it was cool enough, she sniffed and said she didn't want it. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Oatmeal is just going to get all nasty mushy in the fridge.
We have long since been asking her "are you SURE?" Like, she'll want an egg. "OK, are you SURE? Because I will be boiling this egg special for you." "YES, I really want an egg!!" "So you're going to actually eat it, right?" "Yes, yummy!" "Here's your egg." "I don't want it."
I've told her "You know, we don't believe you anymore when you say you want a food. What should we do? How can we believe you if you say you want a food?" But she doesn't really understand.
So here's what I'm thinking, what do you think?
- Goodbye cereal. No more cereal. She doesn't get to rely on cereal as a backup. I have to get my DH on board with this because he is scared to death that she'll actually starve to death, and feels that feeding her crappy cereal is better than nothing. But my hope is that if cereal is not an option, she might actually eat, you know, food.
- I would still like to give her choices for dinner. I don't just say "what do you want for dinner" - I know that's absurd. But I like to say "would you like rice and beans or pasta with brocolli?" But maybe I should not ask her for her input at all, EVER.
- I am also thinking maybe her bedtime snack should be slowly rescinded. She needs to eat during the day. Right now she will just not eat and then her dad will take her downstairs before bed and feed her cereal. She should have dinner and that's it, that's best for the body. It's like she's just holding out. DH does it because he's concerned, I know why. But I feel like the status quo is not acceptable, and we need to change it.
- And I need to stop being angry about it, but it's so hard. I am honestly angry about it. I really am. If we didn't waste $40 a week on food going straight into the garbage, we could eat more meat. We could eat better food. Maybe I could even eventually afford dental care for myself. Children everywhere eat the food they get, and they are damn grateful for it to boot. I was a picky eater but I never behaved like this. I'd avoid eating the veggies on my plate but I'd make do with the rest - the roll of bread, the applesauce, I'd pick at the pork chops I didn't like but, hey, I was hungry. Ditto my husband. I don't know where we went wrong to teach her so much disrespect of food and resources when DH and I value them very much.










So, now the puzzle is figuring out what she IS into now. I think she's a good eater, but in a way we're playing the same guessing game that you are.
