August Dating Thread! A Gust of Passion in the air...?! - Page 3

[ferra]

Slowing down the mental planning. There is a thought!!!! I have really got to do that. I am only getting myself frustrated while I wait for MO to come home. It is so easy to think, think think.

Oh, yes I remember that icescraper story from a while back. So sweet...and I think MO is that kind of person. He housesat for us recently and cleaned the floors, my bathtub and took care of all our animals. Later that day I was telling my roomate, "he had me at the tub" Ahhhhh....

[Devaya]

I'm in a real confusion about The Musician...any advice v welcome please! I am finding it SO hard dating seriously while being in a single mom...this is the first proper 'relationship' I've had since breakup with my X and I cannot believe (tho I did know, theoretically, that it would be!) how much harder it is. We do have time alone as well as with DS in tow, but both are proving very hard. When we're alone together, part of me resents having to give up my very limited 'alone time' (i'm a person with big needs for time alone), and he's SO intense and it's like one big therapy session...and yet he is the most sensitive, compassionate, understanding guy I've ever met... and then when we're with DS, it's SUCH hard work b/c I'm having to interact with both and MD keeps trying to have a proper conversation w me which is nearly impossible with a nearly three-year-old around, plus DS gets super needy etc (even though he likes Musician Guy, he obviously has some ambivalence b/c it's not Daddy).

Grr...I really wish a relat, at least in the first couple of months, could be more enjoyable...this is just uphill hard work. Issue after issue seems to surface (particularly for M.D.), and I also really put my foot in it a few days ago by answering a direct question of his: "Do you find me attractive? You never compliment my appearance." as honestly and sensitively as I could: "Well my usual 'type' is quite different from you, but obviously I find you attractive or I wouldn't be with you...the more I get to know you the more attractive I find you (sort of true) and I'm shy about giving physical compliments, I find it easier to give personality ones (true)". WHY couldn't i just say 'Yes of course I find you attractive'? NO, I had to be 'honest'!! and it caused no end of upheaval and emotion from him, it pushed all his buttons and he was really upset.

The thing is, i just really don't find him sexy. I really WANT it to work b/c he is SO perfect in many ways, and he isn't a bad looking guy, he just isn't sexy to me...I can get sexy with him, but it isn't anything to do with the way he looks. If you know what I mean! I'm starting to wonder if I can make it with ANY guy b/c if I can't make it with him, the most 'on my wavelength' guy I've ever met, I just don't know...Also don't know if I need all this complication in my already full life - I'm starting to long to go back to the 'simplicity' of single mom-dom where I just relied on my female friends for support and company and got on with it... anyone relate? Sorry for the massively long ramble...

[mimim]

Sounds like you know you aren't into him, Devaya. I was with a guy for a while who was perfect in so many ways and was attractive too, but I just didn't develop feelings for him. I was really sad to let him go, but I had to once I realized how imbalanced things were between us.

I used to participate on this thread when I first started dating after my marriage broke up. It's always fun to share exciting stories and hear about other's experiences, so I'm dipping my toe into this fun thread again. I've just escaped from a very turbulent relationship, so I am trying to stay out of the dating pool right now.

I was doing the internet thing back then, but I've finally realized that it doesn't work very well. There are just too many people to weed through and it's impossible to tell who you might connect with that way. I think so many people doing online dating wind up looking for perfection, only to be disappointed because of those high standards. Or, you get frustrated and lower your standards too much and do things that are regrettable.

[Devaya]

Mimim, yes I think this is really a case of using my common sense. In the past i've convinced myself that my misgivings about someone were imaginary, forced myself to stay with him and work things out, only to realise down the line it was never right in the first place. You'd think I'd learn I have made my decision to split with Musician Guy...just don't know quite how to do it since he lives fairly far away and don't want to do it on the phone, nor have him come down to visit and then feel forced into a big 'discussion'. I'm pretty sure he'll try to convince me it's my 'resistance' or something like that that's making me want to end it...

As for internet dating, I'm pretty disillusioned with it too, for the reasons you mentioned, Mimim. Met MD in real life but have been on some sites for a few months, with no success - and only one date. Think most men are put off by the fact I have a young son. I have also been uber fussy though. I'm not even sure right now to be honest whether I WANT someone serious in my life at all... I find myself really looking forward to having all that time 'back' after I end it with MD...time to myself...but I guess if I was really in love with someone I would WILLINGLY give that up for them. Sigh.

[ferra]

Almost September!!!! Woot Woot!!! I hope we are going to have some wonderful action to report next month.

[vannienicole]

Just because I am a single mama, and just because I kiss you, does NOT mean I will sleep with you the same night. Don't get pissy with me for sending you home. Not understanding that I have more to think about than just jumping in the sack and not respecting my wishes makes me want you all the less. </rant>

[ferra]

[QUOTE=mimim;15787665]Sounds like you know you aren't into him, Devaya. I was with a guy for a while who was perfect in so many ways and was attractive too, but I just didn't develop feelings for him. I was really sad to let him go, but I had to once I realized how imbalanced things were between us.QUOTE]



It totally sounds like you need to move on! And it sounds like he is wanting more than you can give. Not all guys will give you a hard time about taking care of your child. This relationship sounds like a real chore. Listen to your heart.