Spinoff for Vegetarian Families: Dealing with Parties

[mocha09]

I love the sticker idea, and thank you very much for the link! I'm thinking a better idea for us is for dd to wear a sticker that simply says

PLEASE DON'T FEED ME.

That way no one gets confused on what they can and cannot feed her. I know this is only good for social situations when I am around.

I'm wondering if other mamas in vegetarian families could offer other strategies that they have used to help their kids remain meat free?

Also appreciate strategies of how to explain (nicely, and rather shortly, that you don't eat animals or animal products).


-----
If you are so inclined to read further about my lunatic horrible day at a party today:

Here is my story of what happened today, and how I handled it. I think I could have done better.

It is so ironic that this happened to me today after having the whole feeding fish at preschool thing in my mind.

I went to a party today at a friend's house, and didn't know anyone there excecpt my friend and her family. I spent the entire time following my dd around because everyone was trying to give her meatballs, hot dogs, smoke salmon, and potato salad with eggs and mayonaisse.

At one point, she got a meatball in her mouth, and I fished it out. At another point, I walked into the room just as an older lady was feeding her salmon. I raced across the room and snatched it from the older lady's hand! (how embarrassing.....all the explaining I tried to do to let her know I appreciated that she wnted to feed dd, who was begging at her plate.) Then I had to have the conversation that fish counts as meat....

Then, when said older lady asked why she didn't eat eggs, I just said that she was allergic to them. I HATE defending my vegetarian philosophy!!!! So I just lied. And I'm a really bad liar, and it was an obvious lie. I mean, really really obviously a lie.

I closely monitored Dd instead of announcing to everyone that she didn't eat meat, fish, or eggs (especially after the old lady incident). Dd was the only toddler at the party. There was an 8-month-old there who was eating meatballs.

I also fished a piece of catfood and a piece of dogfood out of dd's mouth. I think there's a chance that she ate some sort of meat today, whether it be fish, animal food, or meatball. I can deal with that, because of course she isn't going to grow a second head because of it or anything.

To be honest, I felt rather freakish. These were people who think that vegetarians are some commie weirdo tree-hugger folk, and don't get it or want to get it. I am not ashamed to be a vegetarian. I am proud. But there are times and places where I don't want to discuss or defend my eating habits.

I've been a vegetarian for 14 years, and I never talk about being a vegetarian unless I absolutely have to, or if I know I'm in understanding and open company, because it always seems to turn into someone wanting to argue with me, as though by my not eating meat, I am telling them that their eating habits are wrong.

[Tigerchild]

I don't know what to do in that situation, as we are not a vegetarian family...

But I do know that when I was a vegetarian I got yelled and screamed at all the time by people who asked me why I wasn't eating *insert meat/meat-dish here* and then weren't pleased with my answer. I just said "I'm a vegetarian." I didn't say WHY, I did not thrust a Chicken Holocaust PETA poster in their face, or anything else. :/

My favorite was some guy I didn't even know getting in my face and shouting "You vegetarians get so pissy about what other people eat!" Hey, dude, I'm not the one yelling and making a scene and acting like a dumbass...I'm just eating the yummy sidedishes. Who's the one with the problem with what other folks are eating? :P

I've never been able to figure out why people always seem to have this need to lecture vegetarians about "vegetarians always lecture people about what they eat". ;>

Edited to add: I think though that you might have to remind people a lot, even though I know it's annoying. Your Raven-girl is so winsome, she could probably score a steak from Peter Singer if she wanted one! I have gotten in the habit of asking the mama if I have a little one that's not mine wanting to share something off of my plate, but I don't think that's common etiquette yet.

A cute t-shirt/note might not be a bad idea, esp. in a party situation where smartassitude is appreciated. Otherwise---bleah, you have my sympathy.

[mamallama]

Whoa. How can people possibly think it's ok to just feed a child they don't know?!?

If someone doesn't ask first--just plops food from their plate into your child's mouth, you have every right to let them know it's unacceptable. I think taking food out of someone's hand is perfectly ok in that situation.

As far as coping strategies...one of my children is on a restricted sugar diet. When we are going to a party or another event I make sure to feed her before we go, and then to feed her again when we get there. I load her up on whatever is acceptable so that she isn't wandering around looking for something to eat. When she was younger I carried special treats in our diaper bag--fancier, yummy stuff that was sure to grab her attention. I pulled out the fancy treats as a distraction from something unacceptable, or if there wasn't anything at the party for her to eat.

[menudo]

People frickin' amaze me! I am-in maintream eyes-vegetarian. IMO, I am not but would like to be. No obvious meat (including fish and poultry!!) I do eat dairy, but I am not exactly veggie in my eyes cause my diet sucks but for mot peoples sake , I am-fine. I have been this way for almost 20 years now. When omeone itrying to give me half their hoagie, etc., I often will say no thank you, if pushed, it is "No thanks, I don't eat meat, but appreciate your offer". But family will yell "She is a vegetarian!, ya got mac and cheese or french fries?" Really, they feel that my favorite childhood fast foodsmade mea vegetarian...whoa. They then down it as they eat Big Macs and scrapple. Their kids liking fruit is fine-mine liking it is freakish-totally different standards!

These are the people who called a priest to see if chicken was meat and could the yeat it on a Friday in Lent...

My FAVORITE is if a meal does not contain a form of carcus they CAN'T eat it-cause it is a vegetarian meal-how dare they touch a meal w/o meat in it. WTF?!?! It's like the term "vegetarian" equals poison to them.

When pressed on the issue I mention (although this is not my reason for not eating meat) that a serving of meat is very , very small and not meant for a every meal of the day-if you"beleive" in a meat necessary diet...that gets people so mad...

Dh is of Latino heritage and as mentioned in one fo your prevcious posts, many of his culture (Puerto Rican and Dominican) see vegetarianism as a death sentence. Many just can't comprehend the concept and will sneak you and your kid meat (not that many other people and cultures don't do the same)These people, often older, feel you are doing your child harm and they must give them the meat...rough...been there...

As for kids being fed food. I always think of allergies and think you saying "She is allergic" was a great response. What if she was? Being she never had fish, etc. she may be (although doubtful). People can comprehend this better than vegetarianism and this may save the next vegetarian or allergic child from being fed crap they shouldn't have. When DD's school gave her food w/o my permission, I saiud she wasallergic to milk. She is sorta-it makes her fart alot-BUT it was to open their eyes when they saw no wrong in a list of things they did-including substituting a semi nutritious lunch she chose (she hadn't been eating) of peanut butter crackers and real juice with chocolate milk and grilled cheese b/c they felt her lunch was not good...

[layla]

It's a shame you feel almost embarrassed about your choices, but it's true, people will harp on you for them while acting like it is you lecturing them! Also, really, how dare anyone feed someone else's child anything without asking first? People don't think! What if your child has severe allergies or something? I feel that most meat eaters harp on me more for being a veg than I do them for eating meat. Hey Buddy, I don't care what you eat, so what do you care what I eat?! It's hard, but stand your ground!

[Scout]

Re: Spinoff for Vegetarian Families: Dealing with Parties

Originally posted by mocha09
I've been a vegetarian for 14 years, and I never talk about being a vegetarian unless I absolutely have to, or if I know I'm in understanding and open company, because it always seems to turn into someone wanting to argue with me, as though by my not eating meat, I am telling them that their eating habits are wrong. [/B]

This is me and how I feel, exactly! Even the 14 years part.

I'm sure someone else has better ways to deal with this issue, but you know what, in reality, I would just lie, like you did about the allergies. It's just easier, and nobody is getting hurt by the lie. Because, as you mentioned, just talking about vegetarianism tends to put some people on the defensive, talking in detail about your philosophy and beliefs to these same people will go over about as well as a fart in an elevator. I have reached the conclusion that some people just won't open their minds to different ideas, no matter how well-reasoned and well-intentioned you are.

My situation is different, though, because I am a veggie and dh is not. We have decided to give ds meat on occasion (most often, though, he eats whatever I cook, and I never cook meat) and let him decide when he is older. For me, not eating meat is a personal choice, and I don't see anything inherently wrong with someone else eating it.

Good luck. I'll be following this thread with interest.

~Scout

[mocha09]

Thanks for all your posts! It's good to know that there are others who struggle with this issue as well.

What I usually say when people ask me is that "It's just what's right for me/us." and leave it at that. Along the lines of what Kitty said.

On the other hand (speaking of defensiveness), I've often been in the situation where people ask me if I mind if they eat meat in front of me, or if I mind if they cook up some meat because of the smell! :LOL Talk about super-curteous!

[mocha09]

Originally posted by Tigerchild
.... where smartassitude is appreciated. ...

: Smartassitude! I love it!

[layla]

My dh eats meat too! Me and the children don't. That's the way our family is. I will even cook meat for him because again, that's his/our choice, though I'm sure there are vegetarians out there who wouldn't approve of me cooking meat for others.

[Parker'smommy]

Im not a vegetarian but I had to chime in about other people feeding your dd. Thats just not acceptable. Everyone I know always asks me if ds can have something at a party or something mostly because dh's family thinks Im a freak because I dont allow him to eat candy and sugar and soda. So, they always ask sarcastically, 'can he have this?" I dont like the sarcasm but take it since I dont want them feeding him anything. ugh.

SOrry you had to defend your choices, its not like you were asking everyone why they were eating meat, and making gross out noises at the meat food!!

[calgal007]

I made a tee shirt for my ds that said, "Please don't feed me -- I have allergies". (He did and he does.)

It was very cute; I used that puffy paint and made it colorful with little stars and stuff on it. He wore it to every gathering where food was served.

Haven't thought about that shirt in years! Feel free to swipe the idea. I'm a non-mainstream momma who exists around lots o' mainstream types -- that's why I went the cutsie, puffy-paint shirt route.

[pageta]

The allergies excuse isn't as thin as you might think. I grew up vegetarian, and on the once or twice a year occassion that I did eat meat for some reason or another, it stayed with me for days. I'm telling you, it was so hard for my system to digest that I wasn't hungry for a long time, regardless of whether I ate chicken, turkey, beef or fish. So I see nothing wrong with using the line that a child is allergic to meat - it will certainly tax their system if they are not accustomed to getting it.

I also very emphatically second the mom who fills her child before they get to a party and then offers more food that she deems acceptable once they arrive so the child is not tempted so much to eat just anything. Great idea!

[snugglebutter]

When I served in the church nursery, we had a little boy in the toddler room with severe food allergies. His mom made buttons for him to wear - one on the front and one in the back - that said "please don't feed me, I am allergic to many foods". It was done very cheerfully and had a smilie face in the middle.

I thought it was a great idea. All of the regular teachers knew about his allergies, but we also had parent helpers that came on a rotational schedule. It is a large church and not all families knew each other. The buttons really helped.

You could even make buttons that don't mention vegetarianism like "I'm on a special diet - please don't feed me"



Sara
EDD 10-02-04