SAHM's with no support network - Page 2

[Theia]

No way! Let me be the thread killer! I live in the city, but there's not a park within walking distance. I could drive, but that takes some of the spontaneity out of things. Anyway, I know the feeling of being alone in a crowded room. I wish we never had to experience that.

[tammyswanson]

Originally Posted by Theia

No way! Let me be the thread killer! I live in the city, but there's not a park within walking distance. I could drive, but that takes some of the spontaneity out of things. Anyway, I know the feeling of being alone in a crowded room. I wish we never had to experience that.

LOL! Ha, sorry, only room for one Queen O' the Thread killers, hee hee!

Ha, you reminded me, when we lived in the city for almost 5 years, we were isolated there too, our neighbors were messed up, got broken into also. No one was friendly there either, the 'nicest' neighbor we had was the drug dealer behind us, never said a peep or bothered us.

[Awaken]

I haven't read all the posts, but wanted to sign in here and join the club.

I live in an area where there is lots of opportunity, people, things to do, etc but I am on my own most of the time with my kids, my dh works long hours and my family is not around. Even though we do see people, talk to people, and have places to go, I am alone in being responsible for caring for my kids, doing all the house stuff, and overall feel very alone.

Everyone else I know has lots of help and seems to find parenting very joyful and fun because they're not doing it nonstop. For me it is very challenging, because there is rarely a break. It is hard to be with young children constantly, have no life of my own, barely time to even see or talk to my dh. I feel very isolated, and honestly, while I do have fun times with my kids and feel I should be their primary caregiver and would not rather have them in daycare, it is quite boring for me a lot of the time to push a swing, read baby books, play pretend games, umpteen games of candyland and chutes and ladders, and have kid conversations literally all day every day.

[redvlagrl]

I'd liek to join in too! My family is in Australia and DH's is on the West Coast. We've been here 3 years and have no couple friends.

i have met some moms through playgroups. I have to be proactive about making playdates though. I have 1 close girlfriend now. DH has no guy friends and it's sad for me to see that. He's a bit shy socially and won't put himself 'out there' to meet people.

It's really hard to not have family who will help you out or that you can just hang with. In the almost 2 years that we've had kids we have been out at night 3 times for about 2 hours each time - all times when we had in laws/parents visiting or we were in Australia.

[MiaMama]

Ohhh me too!
I moved here last Dec, when I was 7mo pregnant. Also, my DH travels for a week at a time about every other week, so I don't even see him either. I am in perpetual infant and 3yo mode.

My solution? I pestered my good friend from elementary school to not only live in the state, but to live right in my house. She said "I got laid off" and I said "Great! Move in with me!"
I know it can be hard to live with someone, but I am so looking forward to it. I was scraping bottom there for a while.

[newbymom05]

Wow, I could have written a lot of these posts. IMO, nearby family willing to help is the big deal. We're literally the only couple we know IRL w/ no family nearby. It's definitely a drain. I have supportive friends, but none close by, and they have their own small children to deal w/ so it's not like I can drop off my nursing/diaper wearing toddler and go to the mall. If I had any of my family nearby, things would be so. much. easier. And cheaper--a date night would cost us $50 just for the sitter.

And it isn't so much that it's hard to meet people as it is that relationships take time to develop, especially when you only see people sporadically at the park or school pick up line or whatever, unlike a work situation where you're together for 8 hrs a day every day.

I wish I had a solution! I'm glad we moved here for financial reasons (cross country move for DH"s work) , but if we had to do it again, I don't know that I would move away from my family.

[lach]

Originally Posted by newbymom05

Wow, I could have written a lot of these posts. IMO, nearby family willing to help is the big deal. We're literally the only couple we know IRL w/ no family nearby. It's definitely a drain. I have supportive friends, but none close by, and they have their own small children to deal w/ so it's not like I can drop off my nursing/diaper wearing toddler and go to the mall. If I had any of my family nearby, things would be so. much. easier. And cheaper--a date night would cost us $50 just for the sitter.

And it isn't so much that it's hard to meet people as it is that relationships take time to develop, especially when you only see people sporadically at the park or school pick up line or whatever, unlike a work situation where you're together for 8 hrs a day every day.

I wish I had a solution! I'm glad we moved here for financial reasons (cross country move for DH"s work) , but if we had to do it again, I don't know that I would move away from my family.

It's really hard when everyone else you know has family that helps with childcare. That's where we are too. It means I can't even trade childcare, which is of course the advice that's always given. I did once drop my kids off with a friend while I had a dr's appointment that I really couldn't take them too, and I told her that I'd be happy to return the favor. But of course she has family nearby, so why would she bother me? Which means that I feel like I now "owe" her, and have no way to repay her. I'm totally positive that she doesn't care and I'm the only one keeping track of this, so it's just me being somewhat irrational. But it's not like I can keep burdening friends when I never give back, kwim?

[clutterwarrior]

Leila whereabouts in Oz are you from? I can imagine how it would be hard for your DH being shy socially. I am not all that outgoing myself so I can empathise!

I live in Sydney....I guess one would think living in a big city means lots of people and therefore heaps of friends, but I think that living in a big city can be just as lonely if not more than living in a smaller community where people can be more friendly, or at least more involved in each other's lives.