Easy/Hard Parenting decisions

[asherah]

So I am curious which decisions have been easy for people, and which have been a struggle. Here are mine:

Gentle Discipline: Easy. I just knew I was never going to raise a hand to my child.

Circ: Relatively easy, once I did the research.

Vax: Hard. Probably the hardest decision I have faced. I am still carving myself a path between the "none" and "all" camps. I find the issue pure agony.

EBF: Easy.. I always planned to BF, and though I started out thinking I would just do it a few months, it has felt really natural to continue, much to my surprise!

Co-sleeping: Easy.. felt natural and comfortable from day one.

Baby-wearing: Hard, because I wanted to do it soooo much and had a really steep learning curve with the various slings I tried. And that made me incredibly depressed and frustrated.

Diapering: Hard, because I wanted to cd, and did successfully for the first 6-months, but got pressured into stopping after ds started eating solid foods. I wish I had been more persistant.


Well I am sure I am leaving some stuff out.. but those are some of the main decisions... I would love to hear what other people did and didn't struggle with.

[AllyRae]

Gentle Discipline: Easy. I knew I never wanted to spank my baby

Circ: Hard, but mainly just because I had to convince dh

Vax: Moderately hard, but in the end, I chose to vax because vax's are a big reason most of these diseases aren't prevelant anymore

EBF: Easy to decide...harder in practice. DS didn't take well to it, so it's been a struggling

Co-sleeping: Easy.. ds wouldn't let us do it any other way.

Baby-wearing: easy...ds doesn't like being alone

Diapering: easy...actually, it was dh's idea.


Most of my AP choices have been easy because ds is pretty high needs...he has to be touched at all times and needs constant interaction...he also gets super stressed by crying....leaving him by himself just isn't an option

[Elphaba]

gentle discipline: easy to decide on, hard in practice.

cloth diapers: easy in that I knew I would do them, hard to figure out what would work, hard to stop buying cute things while alone on the computer.

vaccines: a total PITA. but the more I've researched the easier it has gotten to maintain our decision.

EBF: easy. I went into with the attitude of 3 years minimum and psyched myself up for her nursing until 6, so anything earlier will be a pleasant surprise!

co-sleeping: easy decision, but went through a challenging phase with her forming a cross-bar between me and dh.

baby wearing: easy.

circumcision: easy.

[Korwynne]

Well, we chose to circ - which I know isn't a popular decision here... I was bullied into weaning Lindsey at 11 months (I was pregnant with josh and told that I'd have preterm labor, the milk wouldn't be good for her, etc.) - I really wish I'd known more and not allowed myself to be bullied. Josh is 15 months today and has no plans to quit anytime soon. Baby wearing, co sleeping, and gentle discipline were all easy decisions - but I do have a hard time not raising my voice We didn't cloth diaper as I wasn't sure I could keep up with laundry and didn't want to spend a lot of money if I ended up hating it. We fully vax too.

[captain optimism]

GD: easy decision, but who knows how well I'm going to actually do with it? So far, so good.

Circ: ummmm...hard but also easy but also hard. Okay, I guess circumcision was a difficult decision for me.

Vax: agonizingly difficult and I'm still not done deciding which vaccines to have done and which to skip.

EBF: I decided to just play it by ear, and that's what I'm doing. so far, so good.

Co-sleeping: wasn't planning to do it and we are doing it.
: But we are liking it. (Except this week, when the baby scratched me in his sleep and I have a big sore on my chin. )

Babywearing: decided easily that I would do it all the time, but as it worked out, we only do it as much as the baby likes it. which is to say, we wind up just holding him in our arms a lot!

Diapering: I was never doctrinaire about cloth, and we are using a combination of diaper service cpfs and environmentally-friendly (the companies claim!) sposies.

There's also school ahead, and junk food ahead, and television ahead (we don't have one right now) and the rest of popular culture, and all of that stuff.

[asherah]

yes Captain, lots of decisions ahead.
I guess I only included the one's I've had to make already! lol

[eilonwy]

I'd have to say that most of the decisions I made (am making?) were easy once I'd given them any thought. The hard part is realizing when you haven't thought about something, kwim? For example, while I was pregnant I never considered co-sleeping at all. I'm a sleep alone type of person, I didn't even like dh touching me while I slept. I was sure that Eli would spend all night in a bassinet or crib from day one. He's in our bed now, because I learned that reality just isn't as simple as my pre-baby thoughts were.

So thinking about these things is a bit complex, and requires a degree of awareness, but actually doing them I don't find to be particularly difficult.. though maybe that's because I chose things that facilitate my laziness. :LOL Co-sleeping is easier for me than getting up at night to take care of my son. Breastfeeding is easier for me than fixing bottles and taking them places. Cloth diapering saves us lots of money and isn't so inconvinient that I'm willing to spend money to "make it easier". Babywearing is so much easier than trying to get him to lie down was. And so on and so on.

[moss]

Easy Peasy

Most of the natural parenting decisions that we have made have come, well, naturally. I didnt even know that what we were doing had a name until ds was at least 6 mos old. It was just easier to bring him into our bed to breastfeed him at night, he was/is high needs and he made sure that he never left his parents arms, circing isnt routinely done around here and we wouldnt have anyways, etc. We GD because we were both physically abused as children and cant conceive of putting our beloved son thru the same kind of pain that we endured. TCS became a logical extension of treating our son like we would have wanted to be treated. It's all just fallen into place in a natural progression, really. Even deciding not to vax was pretty logical...the more we research vaxing, the more secure we are in our decision not to do it. And because we dont vax, we make sure that we eat well so that our immune systems are in peak condition. And because our immune systems/bodies are in good shape, we tend to be healthier and less reliant on allopathic medicine. All of our decisions have pretty much been interconnected and easy to make.

[doulamomvicki]

Breast feeding - easy for all except for ds#3. He had serious GI problems.

Cosleeping - very easy. I am lazy and and like to have my kids right there. No getting out of bed for me in the wee hours.

Vax - hard, very hard. I ultimately have not vaxed my kids. ds #1 had some but had a reaction once. Also my nephew Cody has austism. OTOH, I am a nurse and understand some of the logic behind them.

Slinging - Very easy. Again I am lazy. Like to have my babe/toddler right there.

Diapering - hard. We used cloth all the time until they were taking solids. After that we used disposables when we went out.
I can't tell you how many times I threw away I cloth diaper when I was out of the house because it was too gross to carry around.

Circ - very hard My boys are circ'd. DH would not give in on this issue. With ds#3 I hoped he was a girl so I did not have to go through it again.

Junk food - very very hard. My kids love it . It is so hard to get them to eat healthy

School - We are home schooling flunkies. I actually am considering hs ds#3 only. My kids have been in private schools until we moved.

TV - the worst. I got rid of cable recently because it was such a problem.

[mamawanabe]

Baby stuff (breast feeding, co-sleeping at least for the first year, not circing) are no brainers for me.

Except vax - I agonize over vax.

It is when they are older that the decisions get tough. No spanking is easy, but no punishing? no yelling? No coercing?

Then there is TV, school, junk food, peer pressure - should i buy her the atrocious crap that she wants (NEEDS) becuase everyone else has it and she feels left out/vulnerable to being different?

[Peppermint]

Breastfeeding- hard in practice at first but easy decision, but expected to do it for one year, then realized there was no reason to quit

Co-sleeping- did not expect to do it, but it was definitely the easy way to go and now we do it gladly and by choice

Babywearing- decided to give it a go this time around, but I did simply carry the other 2 everywhere, and I'm liking it now

Circ.- tough subject, my first ds is circ.ed due to dh wanting it done and me lacking a backbone, my second is intact due to growth in said backbone

Vax- by far the hardest, still undecided on if this babe will ever get any (my first 2 were fully vaxed before I knew to question it)

Homeschooling- something I am currently struggling to decide- but still not the agony vax decisions are

GD- easy to decide not to hit- hard to decide how to be GD, as in, a PP mentioned TCS which I have looked into, but am at the present more comfortable with GD ideals- along the lines of LLL-type books

TV, junk food, etc- easy- we go with all things in moderation (some might say severe moderation - but still...

[mamaofthree]

I would have to say the hardest thing for me has been GD... it sounds to simple but has been really hard to do. The more I do it the easier it has become, but it was something that didn't come natrually to me. I was/am a yeller and to learn another way to deal with my kids hasbeen a great but difficult part of partenting.
The other stuff has been pretty easy. It came pretty naturally to me, EBF, co-sleeping, AP, I love cloth diapering, circ easy it was NOT going to happen...LOL.

H

[candiland]

homebirth, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, no circ., and slinging I didn't even think twice about. Well, my dh wanted me to circ., but it wasn't even something I was willing to discuss. He knows better than to argue with me when I'm deadset.

Now, e.b.f. - toward the end of my second pregnancy, nursing my daughter became unbearable. I weaned her when she was two, even though I thought I'd nurse her until three or four.

Now my ds is almost two, and every nursing session is sheer torture for me! I don't know why, but the sensation is becoming unbearable. I literally sit there and grit my teeth the entire time. So in a couple more months, I'm weaning.

GD - easy to agree with; hard in practice. I "slip up" all the time. Not with spanking and such, but I find myself threatening sometimes, or raising my voice, or getting incredibly angry. I really don't want to be that way, but I'm working on it....

I was dead-set on cloth diapering, but no one bought me any cloth diaper supplies even though I was registered for them.
I couldn't afford the "start up" price, so to speak. So we do disposies.

[Foobar]

Let's see:
GD: easy in theory, requires work in practice, but well worth it

BF: hard. Tried and failed, have decided to not do it this time due to mental health reasons. Got alot of shit for going to formula from strangers and finally found my backbone to tell them that they didn't know my situation so buzz off.

co-sleep: easy: we tried it and noone slept. Decided to try non-co-sleep and it worked for all. Still bring her in our bed when she needs our company, maybe 1-2 times a month. Don't mind it at all.

vax: easy. I did my research and decided that the good of most vax outweighed the bad.

circ: not an issue. We are a Jewish family. That said, it looks like we have two girls!

diapering: easy. Looked at the pros and cons and weighed them to what we needed as a family.

respecting my child: HARD. It is taught that children obey you. I had to train myself to think of Goo as a unit in our family that deserves every ounce of respect that I give my DH. It took time, but I learned how to do that.

tv: easy. We watch what we think is appropriate and make sure she doesn't blob in front of the TV unless I need to nap. (I'm pregnant)

food: hard. Hard to decide what is good for her when I can barely eat now....

buying things she wants: easy, we rarely buy her something just because she WANTS it. Sometimes will get her something just because....

[mocha09]

Good question, ashera. It sounds like vacs are a big one for most of us.

They certainly are the big one for me. Raven hasn't been to the doc since her 6 month check up because I'm afraid of the pressure I'll get. And I'm afraid to make any sort of decision yet, so we're just holding off.

Everything else is EASY!!!!

Except for child care situation now, and schooling concerns later. Those seem hard. I"m also looking at options for child care now. Homeschooling (my dream) doesn't look like it is going to be possible, and I'm going to have to struggle to afford Waldorf or something.

[water]

Hmm...

Let's see:
GD: really hard for me, as I grew up in an abusive home. I know what I want to do, but I have to work at it every single day. Totally worth it though!

BF: Super easy for me, I never questioned whether I would do it or not, held the kid up to my boob and he started sucking. Three years later he hasn't stopped!

co-sleeping: medium. It worked for a while, then he was in a crib for a while after none of us was sleeping at all, then he gradually came back in our bed full-time and now we all have been happily co-sleeping again for the past year.

vax: Hard hard and still hard. I still am not sure if I am making the right decision not to vax, and the one vax I have done (DTP) I am worried about the effects of. This is one I struggle with all the time.

circ: Easy: I would never circ, and have never questioned this.

Cloth diapering: easy. I love my diapers! I was buying them while still pregnant! I am almost (ALMOST) bummed that ds is toiled trained!

respecting my child: Medium. I respect my son, but slip up in my behaviour, again due to my upbringing.

tv: Was easy, we didn;t have one until my d (or not so d)h brought one into the house to "just watch one show" and now he watches all the time. So far my son and I aren't watching though...

food: Pretty easy for me, both dh and I are veggie, he used to be vegan, we were already buying lots of organic, we just stepped it up some. The sugar issue though, with FIVE birthday parties this month...that's a lot of sugar!

buying things she wants: I do like to buy my son things when he wants them sometimes, I never was bought anything spontaneously that didn't feel like a manipulation, so I like to reat him. However, he doesn't ask for much, yet. This will probably get harder as he gets older...

ETA: Babywearing: Well I had a lame sling the last time, so i just carried him everywhere, but I am going to make it work this time! I will be buying a plethora or slings until I find one that works for me...

[Piglet68]

Neat thread!

Cosleeping: easy, i'm a total snuggle bunny (not to mention too lazy to get out of bed at night, lol)

bFing: easy. for me it was just a no-brainer to do it, and i was blessed to have an easy time of it

C/S: option came up due to medical reasons. decision was easy. I did my research (and i'm terrified of labour, lol)

slinging: easy. did it exclusively for 8 months. lugging a stroller around seemed like a royal pain in the butt, i liked snuggling dd, it was great exercise. and Dh looked SO sexy slinging a baby, lol!

vaxing: turned down hep b b/c I felt DD was way too young. delayed MMR. but basically i'm down with the vaxing.

circ: wasn't sure until DH convinced me early on that intact was where it's at. now it's a non-negotiable item if we ever have a boy

GD: comes naturally. i'm a gentle, laid back person and not much gets me to the point where I'm out of control. still, I have to do a lot of reading to know how best to implement different situations: always amazed by things that seem so obvioius that I never would have thought of. so I'd say this is the hardest, not b/c I have a hard time being gentle, but because I seem to need to do a lot of reading!

homeschool: love the idea, not sure if we will swing it based on careers and lifestyle but definitely an option. if not, we're going for small, private schools that model a "one room schoolhouse" model (mixed age groups) at least for the early years.

CDing: too scared to try it when DD was born, then couldn't believe how easy and fun it was. next one will be CD'd from birth. absolutely easy: and this from a domestic failure, lol!

TV: very very hard. DH and I are both TV junkies. it's on whenever we're home. DD watches the commercial-free channel only, and fortunately she doesn't seem too attached to it.

Food: harder. we eat healthy but aren't good at stocking the kitchen all the time. i'm a total sugar addict. dd eats very healthy meals, but has "treats" more often than I'd like.

[Irishmommy]

At the time I made each decision it was easy. It has been after that it gets hard. 'Frinstance, I had no problem vaxing at the time, but since then I have been doubting.

[LavenderMae]

Gentle Discipline: This one is hard for me. Not hard to decide it is best and that I want to do it but hard to always follow thru with.

Circ: Easy. Once I found out it is completely unnecessary and extremely painful I knew I could never ever ever do that to my baby (dh was on board as soon as he knew these facts as well).

EBF: Easy, I knew I would bf my babes for at least 2 yrs.

Co-sleeping: Easy, because it made bf'ing so much easier.

Baby-wearing: I have yet to purchase a sling (will when we decide to have the next babe). So since I carried my babes in my arms most of the time it did get tiresome.

Diapering: I have used disposies mostly (cd some with both too) for both but will only cloth diaper next time.

Homeschooling: was easy because Dh and I decided we would before we ever had kids.

[velochic]

Everything easy except vaxing. Dh has a friend crippled by polio (in Turkey) and as much world travel as we do, it scares me to not get dd vaxed. Then I read this article in Mothering a few months ago about travel and vaccines and I felt like it didn't even come close to telling the whole story. There's nothing I've read that's definitive. Arghh!! Vaxes still worry me and bother me and keep me up at night!! Yes-No-Yes-No....But the rest of the AP-type decisions were easy.