Easy/Hard Parenting decisions - Page 3

[Evergreen]

nak

not circing, ebfing, gd, and deleyed solids were all easy decisions.

having a natural birth was tougher. everyone i know (besides my mom anf her two hour labors) were medicated and i was scared, but got through it.

dh objected to cd at first, but is now the biggest heyena i have met

not vaxing took a lot of research and i did waver, but am now totally confident in thaqt decision

[Peppermint]

I know we aren't suppossed to go into certain choices here (ie- the circ. debating), but I just wanted to say that I am so relieved that so many of us are in the same boat on the vax issue, it seems clear as a bell to me that that is the hardest decision that people here are making. Sometimes I visit the vax forum trying to help me decide- and it's all so very extreme for lack of a better word, that I have a hard time learning what I want to know, YK? Also, I have sensed a distrust of questioning on there, and am afraid to post, afraid I'll get flamed. Can anyone who is comfortable with their vax decision (but who once upon a time struggled) please pm me with a great book or website, somewhere that I can learn more about vax choice? Thanks.

[mosschops]

hardest = vax. no question. never have I worried/fretted so much in my life... still not 100% sure about out decisions... doubt I ever will be.

easiest = to have my ds1 in the first place (both unplanned!), to co-sleep, to breastfeed, to use a sling, to try and do the best I can

Actually, one of the hardest things was trying find names that we both liked (my dp is mad, 'kermit' was and still is his first choice, followed by 'goose'. apologies to anyone here with children called kermit or goose, I realise that these are my own personal prejudices.)

the circ thing was easy since we're british and I didn't even know that people DID circ until i came to an american forum.

i was amazed to find that i LOVE using cloth nappies ~ so strange! I love wrapping up my babies bottoms ~ ha ha ha.

[witchbaby]

i'm still new at this parenting thing, but she's THREE months old now (*sob!*), so i feel i've got a handle on a lot of things...

gd: she's still small, so it's not something we deal with right now. we are planning on it when she's older and NO SPANKING. dh and his brother were spanked with paint stirrers and that just SHOCKED me. we believe in respect for everyone, including the littlest ones.

natural birth: that's what we wanted but it's not what happened. we ended up with an emergency c-section. my midwife told me i was an excellent canidate for vbac, so we're hoping for a drug-free natural vbac with the next one!

co-sleeping: this one was a long time coming. dh was totally against it during our first pregnancy (m/c 2.02) but, after having some friends who co-sleep visit, he changed his mind. she was in our bed the night she came home and we're all pleased as can be.

breastfeeding: easy choice, a bit difficult at first. i was determined to stick it out and we're still going strong. she will be ebf until she's ready for solids, which she won't be offered until 5 or 6 months.

vax: ouch. i was determined to refuse most, dh was ready to delay but nothing more. we researched and researched and finally decided on full vax. we don't regret our decsion, but it was hard coming.

cloth diapering: i've been building a stash since i was pregnant, but wanted to wait until she cut down on her pooping and we had a place where we could afford the laundry (we live in an apartment). we'll be starting in the next few weeks, since my parents are nearby and i can hijack their laundry.

babywearing: easy to decide on, a little difficult for me. my sling was too big and dd HATED it. she loved her daddy's though. but i just got a maya wrap the other day and she LOVES it. so we're back on board.

circing: i announced to dh (before we knew we were having a girl) there was no chance i'd circ a boy. he shrugged and said that was fine. in childbirth class, we were shown photos of newly-circ'd penises and now he's militantly against circing!:LOL

food: we're trying to change our ways before dd is into solid foods. we're both WAY too into junk food and want dd to make good health choices. this is a toughie.

tv: we try to avoid it, but in winter that's hard (it's COLD here!). we'll be regulating it when she's older.

school: i'm a big public school booster (child of two public school teachers-- now retired), but our school district has gone to sh*t since i graduated and i wouldn't put dd in them if you paid me. we're planning on montessori and possibly waldorf. we're starting saving up money!!

[eilonwy]

/Post deleted due to sudden irrelevancy/ Thank you!/

[Graceoc]

It's funny with my ds I was in a totally different place as a mother and therefor made different decisions....

Birth - easy w/ds I knew I DEFINATLY wanted a medicated birth and had just what I wanted. With DD I knew I DEFINATLY wanted a natural water birth and got exactly what I wanted.

Bfing - with ds I never had thought about it, but went along with dh's idea to give it a try. After a rought start (pumped the first 3 months) it was an easy decision to continue and I was ready to go until he was at least 2 - he weaned at 16 months during my pgcy. with dd it was the only way to go - but I ran into problems at about 10 months with really HATING nursing. But I kept it up until just this week and now have weaned her (at 22 1/2 months) - I really wanted it to be a more child lead - warm and fuzzy weaning, but was not going to happen that way.....she has actaully done REALLY well with it! I was happily suprised and now we are getting along alot better too! - but weaning was a HARD decision!

Cir - DS is cired, it was an easy decision at the time because I never knew that it was *not* done and just went on the advice of my midwife to have it done. If I were to have a boy now it would be a hard decision just because DH is very much for cir...:

Co-sleeping - never really considered it with ds.. he slept with me the first month, and then moved to his crib in his room with no trama at all and stayed there for the next 2 years (now he comes in with us when he needs too - and we stay with him until he falls alseep every night! - it is great!). When dd was born I wanted to co-sleep from the beginng - but found it was VERY hard for me to sleep well that way. I stuck with it for 11 months because that is what dd needed, but then she moved to her own room as well (but DH goes in to sleep with her in the early am when she wakes up)

Vax - I feel pretty ok with our decision, ds is fully vaxed and dd is on a slower vax schedule without all of the vaxes.

dipaers - I have used both cloth and sposies with both of my kids, but do not have a passion about either one. When I get overwhelmed with laundry I have no qualms with using sposies - but I do love the cloth, they are just to addicting sometimes and I can't afford that kind of shopping LOL!

Babywearing - used a snuglie with ds for the first few months - but much after that. Still use my sling for dd - wish I would have know about it with ds.

GD - it was easy to decide that I believed in this type of parenting and that I wanted to pratice it myself - but it is VERY VERY VERY hard for me to impliment. I also came from a screaming, threating, hitting family and have MAJOR anger issues - so it is a constant struggle for me to live the way I want to and KNOW is better!

schooling - HARD HARD HARD!

[Leatherette]

Gentle discipline (I am/was a special ed teacher for kids with emotional disabilities), cloth diapers - easy. However, my son blew out of most cloth diapers (high production level), so with shit everywhere, I switched to disposables at 14 months. I think my daughter is less productive.

Family bed - Hard. I was so sleep deprived, I thought I had to get him out of the bed so I could sleep better. Dh and I could not even begin to do CIO. Hard to convince my DH to keep doing family bed after my son turned six months, but now he is more into it than me. We had to get a king size bed before DD entered our lives.

Breast feeding my son was an easy decision to make, but hard to implement. Repeated mastitis (despite trying all of the suggestions to prevent it) made it very difficult to continue, but I did until 14 months. I seriously considered the idea of BF my daughter, who is adopted, but after pumping and taking herbs for a while with zero results, I decided I couldn't. I can't take hormones or domperidone (a stomach medicine that increases prolactin), either.

Vaxes: easy. I grew up in developing countries - we get them.

Slinging: easy to decide, harder to implement. I have a pinched sciatic nerve at the moment. But it is easier for me to have a backache than an upset baby. And they look so dang cute in the sling.

My birth - very medical due to early labor at 6 months. I didn't even get to go to my birthing class. No regrets - I was just happy to have an alive baby.

Food: My son ate extremely healthily until he started going to preschool. Now he's picky, and won't eat the crusts off his bread, even. Urg. I am still careful about what he eats/ I offer. Being vegetarian, he is wary of food that is offered to him.

Schooling: I support public schools (despite their flaws), and want my kids to go to them. I will be involved and screen teachers, though. I want my kids to eat healthy lunches ( I'll send them, but hope there are choices in the cafeteria for them as well) and have lots of recess, though, so we'll see what I find out when I look at schools. I could certainly home school if I wanted. I have a garage full of teaching supplies for K-12. I like some of the philosophy behind unschooling as well. We'll see.

L.

[girlzmommy00]

GD - Easy. I've always been one for gentle discipline. I've been doing this since my 10 year old was born. Spanking just always seemed wrong to me. I have to say that my 10 year old just reached that difficult age. So she definately tests my parenting skills on a daily basis.

Circ - Easy. I have all girls

Birthing - I'm considered high risk and always have 300 things come up/go wrong when I'm pg. I have to see a high risk OB and hospital deliveries are a must. I also need constant ultrasounds from 26 weeks on, since my body stops making amniotic fluid properly after that point. I tried to see a midwife with my first, but when I went into labor at 28 weeks, she refered me to a regular OB. My middle dd was also born at 33 weeks due to the low fluid.

EBF - All the girls were born with severe food allergies and were unable to breastfeed. They are among the 1% (or less) who are allergic to breastmilk, among a ton of other things. They were on a special prescription amino acid based formula, Neocate. I would have loved to breastfeed, and did try with each of them, but all had the same condition.

Vaxing - This was harder to decide on but I did go with a very delayed schedule for all of them. Their severe allergies give them stinky immune systems, so catching something is much more serious for them. The only vax's we skipped were those that they were allergic to. They would only get 1 vax once a month and held off on the MMR until age 3.

Co-sleep - No one ever wanted to sleep with me. Forcing them to co-sleep didn't seem very AP But my 4 year old recently decided that she prefers to sleep with me and that's fine. The only down side was Monday night when she wet the bed

CD - I wish I'd known to CD my first (we had a hard time finding disposables she wasn't allergic to since back then they had those pink for girls and blue for boys liners inside, and she was allergic to the colorings) but did with my second two girls. Even with out owning a washer and a dryer, I save a ton of $$. With my youngest, the chemicals in disposables bother her skin, so I couldn't use them full time, even if I wanted to.

Healthy eating - We used to eat much better and I really want to get back to that. My oldest was a vegan until she was 2 1/2 and didn't eat any meat until she was 5. She decided that she wanted to eat meat but now that she's 10, I can see her questioning that decision. I feel she's old enough to decide for herself at this point. My middle dd never eats meat (never has) but this is her own decision. And my youngest has chicken and fish occationally but wouldn't eat red meat, even when offered. I only cook chicken and fish. I'm also trying to get back to less junk and more healthy stuff. I'm seeing that my 4 year old really goes nuts from sugar, so I'm trying to find ways to cut it out and offer better snacks. They all have various food allergies as well, so it's hard to find things that everyone can eat.

TV - This is the hard one. I'm not happy with the amount of TV they watch. Honestly, I'm a single mom and sometimes it's too easy to put on a show so I can get something done. I need to find ways to discourage just walking in and turning the TV on.

School - My oldest goes to public school and my middle dd will most likely start in the fall. I'm happy with our local public schools but if I wasn't, I'd definately home school.

[angela&avery]

ok

breastfeeding - easy, knew i would do it from day one.... with ds, he weaned very early due to job-related stress and difficult letdowns, with dd we are still going strong

co-sleeping - easy, i knew that i would just do what works for us, so ds co slept part of the time from day one and eventually just enjoyed his space more, dd slept with us most of the time from day one and is just beginning to enjoy her space more.

circumcision - very easy, not medically necessary = didnt do it. dh and i both felt this way

gentle discipline - still a struggle my parents were hand and face tappers and yellers.....i work at it every single day.

cd'ing - a guilt eaten decision not to.....i dont, and feel horrible about it every day.

vaxxing - easy, we dont. and i had lots of information and research done before i even had kids.

birthing - easy, i knew we wanted a midwife and i wanted to do things as natural as possible, ds was born with no meds at all with a midwife and a hospital, dd was born with a slight muscle relaxer given at the very end because i was freaking out : with a midwife in the hospital.... im thinking the next kiddo will be born at home..

tv - ds watches way too much. i want an armoir to hide it away some of the time, but oh how i love tv in the evenings to relax.... and veg out....this one is difficult for me....

school - easy decision, they will go to public school, i dont feel like i have enough knowledge and variety to offer to my children and we have great school systems here.

i think for the most part you have to do what works for your family, and i feel i have which is why the decisions were mostly easy.... some of them are best interest, but sometimes best interest is also a happy momma

[Piglet68]

Can I just say I'm loving this thread?

(probably why I've been working my butt off to keep it viable, lol).

I am especially pleased to see that I'm not the only one to struggle with the TV issue. As so many of you said, it's a good way to get much-needed down time (or, in my case, an extra hour of sleep in the morning, lol).

girlzmommy00 - for some reason your post really touched me; it sounds like you've had so much to deal with, you really serve as a wonderful example of how we parents face such a wide variety of circumstances that things are really never "one size fits all", y'know? you sound like a wonderful mama to me!!

[indie]

girlzmommy00--wow. you're experience makes me feel like my babe is really easy.

thy only really hard one is vax. ugh.

[Earthymomma]

Natural birthing- Painful, but easy because I trusted that my body could do it.

BF'ing- Easy. The hard part came when my son decided to self-wean 4 months into my 2nd pregnancy. No problems NIP with my 1st son, though now it is something I haven't been to comfortable with my 2nd son. I am trying very hard to overcome it. I heard SO much negativity about NIP when I was pregnant that it is hard to forget the nasty comments.

Non-circing- Thankfully I let dh decide and he was totally against circumsision. Family and friends thought we were weird for not circ'ing but by the time son 2 came along, they didn't question it.

Eating a healthy, organic diet- hard to maintain when family and friends don't stick to it. However, we aren't big on junk food anyway, so its not a huge issue.

Co-sleeping- definitely has its moments. We are not a family that simply puts the kids to bed and gets quiet time for ourselves. This has been very tough for me.

Sling-wearing- when I discovered it when my first son was around 4 months old, I thought it was genius. I FINALLY had free hands! Trying to nurse in it this time around has been quite difficult.

Homeschooling- an easy decision. I don't trust our school systems and we can't pay thousands of dollars a month for private school.

Non-vaxing- dealing with people misinformation on the issue has been difficult. Trying to educate people is tough.

Cloth diapering- I did not cd my 1st son. It has definitely been a struggle with my 2nd son. I am determined to stick it out, but boy is it a challenge for me.

Overall our parenting decisions have come instinctively to us. Which is probably why most of it has been so easy. And so very worth it.

[QueeTheBean]

gd: Not at all tough--I was gently disciplined, and this is the only way I know. (Not to say I don't occasionally want to pull all my hair out, mind you.)


natural birth: easy, loved it, but hard to "justify" to others--people thought I was a fool.

co-sleeping: another one that people criticized me for, but there was no alternative for me for the 1st 6 months. After that, it was tough for me, but we did a modified version--crib for the first half of the night, mama bed thereafter.

breastfeeding: this was the easiest for me. I really love it & have had no serious problems.

vax: yeah--mine are fully vaxed. This was a semi-hard decision, but I felt it was appropriate for us--don't judge others for making a different decision.

cloth diapering: wanted to do it with DS#1, but did not. Started with DS#2 at 10 months old. Feel really good about this one.

babywearing: This is/was my most difficult. I want/wanted to do it more, but cannot get the hang of it. Am determined to try harder.

circing: hard decision--we circ'd DS#1 and I feel awful about it. We debated DS#2, but decided to keep him intact. So glad! Got some family flak for this one.

food: I just turned veggie, but no one else did. My kids eat pretty well, but do have treats once per day..

tv: Really hard because DH and I disagree. Right now, TV is limitted to 1 hr/day for DS#1 and 1/2 hour for DS#2. If I had my way, we'd get rid of cable and move the TV out of the living room to somewhere less visible.

school: big debates here, but for now, DS#1 is in a good public school.

Sorry about all the typos.

[QueeTheBean]

Has anyone tried to talley what our overall most difficult and easiest decisions are?

[carrots]

gd-not too difficult. i really try to see things from their point of view and not always "mama is always right". as they get older i am sure this will get harder.

homebirth--easy. i wanted to have my babies in a comfortable quiet personal setting.

co-sleeping--easy decision. anything that let me get more sleep.

breastfeeding--easy--cheapest, healthiest, all that good snuggling time

vax--moderate difficulty--i've done my research and we selectively/delay vaxxing.

cloth diaper--easy. we cloth diapered all of the kids. it was what was cheapest and best for the environment and our babies buns.

baby wearing--i never really thought of this as a decision, i just carried my kids around because it is what made them happiest.

circumcision--easy. ds is not and it never was an issue.

food--we're vegetarian and my dh works at a food co-op so it makes it pretty easy. we don't sweat too much about it.


tv--my dh likes it too much and my kiddies have seen too many library videos since ds (2mo) was born. we usually only watch movies but i wish it wasn't in our bedroom. at the same time, if it is something that is going to occur, i feel better with all of us snuggled together in our big family bed watching something.

school--by FAR my most nerve wracking decision that i fret over all the time. i would love to hs but also like some things about public....what to do aggggghhh!!!

[2much2luv]

This is fun.

birthing: Easy once I knew enough. My first birth was an induced hospital birth with all the trimmings. But I grew and learned and my second 2 births were great;homebirth and UC.

breastfeeding: Easy decision. Not sure why since I had never witnessed breastfeeding before, but I just knew I would and never doubted it.

circ: Easy,..no boys yet, but we won't do it if we ever do have a boy.

cloth diapers: Easy with my first. I hated it with my second because of some PPD and weird stuff, but it is easy again this time.

Vax: Hard. My first is fully vaxed through a year and the second two don't have any yet. Not sure if they will get any. This is the hardest parenting decision.

GD: Easy choice, hard to live it.

homeschooling: Easy. There is no other acceptable choice for us.

cosleeping: Easy. We it.

food: Hard. We are still working on that one.

TV: We don't have cable but we do watch too many videos...but it is something I am working on and cutting back on. Warm weather is helping.