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DSS Mom wants my vet records - Page 2

post #21 of 60
I feel that both women are doing a little power tripping.

All's I did was do a MRSA pets and the top link was below
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23580386/

Carrier pets
http://www.fountia.com/transmission-mrsa-dogs

Yes, your pets could be compounding to an issue. But, the proper request is to ask your partner (her ex) to have your pets screened. Shot records and vet records won't show MRSA but a screening looking for it might. It is more than reasonable to request that your pets be screened for it, since this child is having issues. You want to eliminate all possible sources.

She has a legitimate concern that as a step mom you should respect. You don't have to respect giving all your pets medical records. You should show concern and have your pets examen for MRSA.
post #22 of 60
Okay, so I am in a unique position in that I am on both sides of this. My almost ex-DH and I have two biological children, but he also has two other children that I consider to be my own; #1 son wasn't quite two when bio mom removed herself from the picture, I have been the one and only mom for him and his sister for almost 8 1/2 years. They live with the ex, because I have no legal claim to them, but I will continue to be a huge presence in their lives even after their father and I are legally split, because they are mine in every other way other than biologically. If that means making myself a pain in his butt when he's being cagey about what's going on with them, then so be it; I will be polite, I will not throw tantrums, I will not make unreasonable requests or do anything that will upset my children, but I will be as charmingly stubborn as I need to be when it comes to acquiring pertinent information pertaining to the well-being of my children. I know what it's like to be sitting at home wondering what's going on with your kids when they are at the ex's; not only do I have the two who live with my ex, but I also have to send my 2 year-old and my 4 year-old for regular visits with him. He currently lives with my fil, who is depressed and constantly cycling himself onto and off of his meds, and my mil, who is an alcoholic. I chew my fingernails to the quick when my younger kids are with their dad, I don't take a deep breath until they make it home safe and sound. I know that your DP's ex may just be trying to make trouble, but what if she's not? What if she's genuinely worried about her kid and just wants some extra reassurance that he's okay when she can't be there to watch out for him? I don't think you should hand over your vet records, but I don't think that it would hurt to have your vet either test the dogs and write a letter stating that they are all clear, or just write a letter stating the reasons why she is sure that your dogs are no danger to your DSS.
post #23 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by sanguine_speed View Post
No, they are not in a "business relationship". They are co-parents.
I wish it were a business relationship - then I could delegate.

All joking aside, I do see some of violet's pov - but I would not be willing to discuss things with my ex's partner beyond very surface/light issues.

Just as he's not really comfortable discussing anything past 'Um, here are the kids bathing suits from the beach today. Sorry they have sand in them. Oh, and they ate at four, and the toddler only slept for an hour today'.

Anything deeper to do with the kids would be between their father and I - their parents. Period.
post #24 of 60
I don't think it's an absurd demand at all. And it could be that the details of her request were lost in translation. If I were the mom of a child with recurrent MRSA infections, I would want to do everything in my power to help them beat it. If I read, or heard on the news, that they're discovering that the infection can be spread to people from the family pet, I'd certainly want to check it out. So I can only imagine she wants to know if your pets have been specifically screened for MRSA (they probably haven't). If I were you, for the sake of my SS, I'd take the animals to the vet. If they don't have it (and they probably don't), you can rule it out. If they do, they can be treated.

About the contacting you directly thing: you say you've never met this woman, but her son is in your and your partner's home on a regular basis. Can I then assume correctly that this is a relatively new relationship? If I were the mom, and I had not yet met my ex's girlfriend, I wouldn't be comfortable contacting her directly. If you two had a relationship of your own established, then sure, but it actually seems more respectful of you, the child and her ex the way she did it. It really is between her and the father of the child. It only involves you because they're your animals and you have the records and the responsibility for taking them to the vet.
post #25 of 60
So what I'm hearing from her is that her son was sick with a scary thing. She wants to make sure her son doesn't get it again? and doesn't know that kinda of record wouldn't be in Vet records and would need a separate test. I would assume shes going based off of what she knows...that animals can be carriers.

OR she is assuming that her EX was around before he is saying he was and she things it may have originated with you animals?

Either way I'd talk to your vet about writing a letter about pets not needing to be tested or give her some research to ease her mind about the pets. She is being a concerned Mom, even if there are other things going on. I don't think its about power (giving her all records however is not something I would do. It is not information that she needs.)

As a parent, if I felt I was loosing control over the safety of my child (which you do when your ex has them) then I would be concerned. I also agree that either information was lost in the translation or she is going about this the wrong way. Either way I think she has valid concerns as a parent and you job as a now co parent (which you've become) is to recognize her role.

Its easy to go on the defense, I probably would, but I'm trigger happy .
post #26 of 60
While I would not give her all the vet records I would take my pets to the vet, explain the other mom's concerns and get the vet to write a letter saying your pets are not carriers for this.
post #27 of 60
I wouldn't give her my records since aren't going to tell her anything. I would however offer to take my animals in for a check at her expense if she is worried and then give her the record from THAT visit.

Since you weren't together then could she be searching to see if you were? Perhaps thinking she is going to catch DP in a lie?
post #28 of 60
Thread Starter 
So, I called my vet's office and they are going to check with the vet and get back with me tomorrow. I have a bad feeling that this is going to be expensive.

It's just so hard with her to determine what is a valid request out of genuine concern and what is her trying to be controlling and manipulative. She does think that he was around me WAY before he ever was and thinks DP is lying to her. It's hard to want to give her anything that she can use against us in the future, should she so choose (she has a track record of this).

Thanks for the input!
post #29 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by midnightmommy View Post
I wouldn't give her my records since aren't going to tell her anything. I would however offer to take my animals in for a check at her expense if she is worried and then give her the record from THAT visit.

Since you weren't together then could she be searching to see if you were? Perhaps thinking she is going to catch DP in a lie?
If the child has a serious condition that could be made worse/caused to come back by the pets then they should be tested. If these were my animals possibly making my child sick I would certainly test them. The fact that the child has to visit these animals means that the OP and her DP need to have them tested. Why should the mother have the entire expense?
post #30 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by PoppyMama View Post


If the child has a serious condition that could be made worse/caused to come back by the pets then they should be tested. If these were my animals possibly making my child sick I would certainly test them. The fact that the child has to visit these animals means that the OP and her DP need to have them tested. Why should the mother have the entire expense?
(I could be wrong about this.) My understanding is that if the animals were carriers of MRSA most likely other people in the household would also be battling infection. The fact that no one but this kid (who had the infection BEFORE meeting the animals) means that the animals are not likely to be a problem. If the mother wants an expensive, unnecessary test done for her peace of mind she should pay for it.
post #31 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by dakotablue View Post
OR she is assuming that her EX was around before he is saying he was and she things it may have originated with you animals?

.
oooh, i didn't even think of this. it is another possible motive- is she trying to figure out how long you two have been together?

just a consideration. i think most people seem to agree on these things: 1) there is no harm in getting the animals tested, if it expensive why not just split the cost? and 2) at this point, your family dynamic isn't such that there is any reason for you two to talk directly; it makes more sense for her and your dp to talk, and 3) there is no reason for you to give her vet records; additionally, her motives are probably not only that she is concerned for her child but also that she is grasping for control.

good luck, op - and good luck ttc, too- i just noticed that in your signature
post #32 of 60
Thread Starter 
Spicyrock - Thanks We have our first appt with the RE next month, so that should be enlightening and hopefully productive!
post #33 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by leilamom View Post

3. I think it's ridiculous that she thinks my dogs gave DSS MRSA. Isn't it true that once you have it, you have it in your system forever and will experience flare-ups?
Once you have MRSA, you don't get rid of it completely. Yes, you can continue to experience problems, but my understanding (from a friend who has it) is that certain situations can cause the relapse. I don't think she's out of line for wanting to know. If my child had something like that, I would want to know before they stayed somewhere if the pets had been screened.
post #34 of 60
dont know about msra but ex's gf and i have never met and never talked (they've been together over a year). all communication is with ex only. so i dont think its unreasonable for her to go through your dp only and i dont thnk requesting a vax record for pets is a big deal either.
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post #35 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharlla View Post
dont know about msra but ex's gf and i have never met and never talked (they've been together over a year). all communication is with ex only. so i dont think its unreasonable for her to go through your dp only and i dont thnk requesting a vax record for pets is a big deal either.
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Except the vax record is useless when it comes to MRSA. there is no vaccine for it. It's a bacteria that is literally everywhere. You probably have some on your skin right now. Which is why it's not completely logical to automatically blame the dogs.

OP have your dogs ever been sick? ever had any skin conditions? because dogs often present the way humans do and rarely don't exhibit any smptoms. So if the dogs did it, they should have shown some signs at some point. FTR, bloodwork on animals is quite expensive.
post #36 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marsupialmom View Post
I feel that both women are doing a little power tripping.

All's I did was do a MRSA pets and the top link was below
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23580386/

Carrier pets
http://www.fountia.com/transmission-mrsa-dogs

Yes, your pets could be compounding to an issue. But, the proper request is to ask your partner (her ex) to have your pets screened. Shot records and vet records won't show MRSA but a screening looking for it might. It is more than reasonable to request that your pets be screened for it, since this child is having issues. You want to eliminate all possible sources.

She has a legitimate concern that as a step mom you should respect. You don't have to respect giving all your pets medical records. You should show concern and have your pets examen for MRSA.

Her son had/has MRSA, a potentially very serious, even life threatening illness. Why on earth would you automatically think she had ulterior motives? I am quoting this poster because she researched, which you should have done, and found out that your pets could be carriers. I am guessing she wants the vet records to see if there is any indication if they are carriers and she just doesn't know that the records won't indicate that. The right thing to do is get your animals screened and show her proof that you did and if they are clean let her know that, if they are carriers then you and your dp have to figure out how you are going to deal with it. What could she possibly want with the dog's vet records? How could the records tell her if you were in the picture earlier than you guys said you were? I can't believe what I am reading.
post #37 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by Latte Mama View Post
Except the vax record is useless when it comes to MRSA. there is no vaccine for it. It's a bacteria that is literally everywhere. You probably have some on your skin right now. Which is why it's not completely logical to automatically blame the dogs.

.
I understand that, so she will get paperwork that is useless. i don't see the harm in that. honestly if my ex refused a request like that to me it would seem (to me) that he was hiding something.
post #38 of 60
"One theory is that pets may pick up the bacteria from people, but then serve as reservoirs, harboring the bugs so they can reinfect humans."

The above quote is from one of the articles posted by a pp. I think this is exactly why the dogs should be screened and treated if necessary. Even if your dss infected them with MRSA, he could still be at risk of reinfection. It's not unlikely that if the child is having continued problems getting rid of the MRSA that the boy's doctor might have suggested the mom ask dss's dad about the possibility of the animals being infected. Your dss's dad could put in a call to the pediatrician and see if he feels that this is a likely scenario. That way if dss's mom ever tried to make a claim that dad wasn't taking dss's medical issues seriously by not screening the dogs he'd be able to counter that dss's own doctor didn't think it was necessary. Of course if the doctor did recommend the dogs be screened you'd at least know that the boy's mom wasn't just power tripping.
post #39 of 60
I'm the mom, not the step-mom, but just get the dogs tested. If there's a SLIGHT chance of this already compromised child being put at risk, wouldn't you want to do the right thing? She doesn't need the vet records - a simple response - "hey, we tested the dogs for MRSA and they're clean, good news!" should suffice.

If she still demands the records, then there are other issues, obviously, but I don't think her requests - or at least the reasoning behind the request - is unreasonable.
post #40 of 60
Thread Starter 
I called the vet and they got back with me. Yes, the dogs can carry MRSA. She checked with a pathologist at the vetrinarian school in our state. However, since they are asymptomatic (and never had an issues related to this) they would have to test the WHOLE dog. I asked them how much it would cost and she said it would be very expensive (times two dogs and probably the cat), since it is a specialty test.

So, we are waiting to get them tested, because we really can't afford to do that right now. We may just have to keep him away from the dogs, which will be really hard because he and the 1-year old dachshund puppy really like to play together.

So, I think we will just wait it out and see what happens.
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