14 yr old daughter lied, how should i deal with it? - Page 3

[Honey693]

Originally Posted by YoviC

:
-I think that when she have her first boy friend her grades will lower, and I understand why and think is normal, but this is her first school year she got into honors in school, this have change her actitud toward school, she is more happy and proud, I wish at least another year like this so she can really see the difference between the feelings of just an "almost fail" to "here is your medal of honor"

Mine actually went up. My boyfriend was my math tutor and he was a math genius.

[Catubodua]

just another thought - when my parents set rules that i didn't like and i tried to talk to them about it i got a "because that's how it will be!" sort of answer. so, i figured, if they won't talk to me about why they feel that way, i just won't bother talking to them about why i'm not going to follow their stupid rule. i just got very good at lying and doing whatever i liked anyway. don't get in to that sort of bad cycle with your DD.

and, i'm another one who still isn't convinced she lied simply because of a photo of her dancing with a boy where they weren't on an "official" dance floor.

[song_of_the_soule]

That is one thing i never liked, when people answer their children with an "because i said so" type explaination. I have never taken that road, i have always explained things, sometimes to excess. we talk about things openly, like sex, drugs, things like that. I talk to them in a very matter of fact way. If it is not a taboo, then it is easier for them to talk about. I would not deny my child going to a party all her friends were going to unless it was an extreme circumstance. In that case, i would find an alternative to do to make them happy, gtg, kids are back, no privacy. Thanks for talking to me about this ladies, any ideas, keep them coming

[2timestrouble]

Originally Posted by choli

I have a 16 yr old daughter. She has had boyfriends, she has had times with no boyfriend. Her grades have never been affected either way. I really don't understand why you would assume that her grades would lower if she has a boyfriend, and that it would be normal for that to happen. I would think the opposite, that it would be very abnormal.

I think you are right,I shouldn't assume that every girl would lower her grades when they have their first boyfriend, that said, you also can seriously assume that is "abnormal". I understand what you are saying but perhaps the word you use is a little harsh don't you think?
I know many girls, incluiding myslef that lower our grades when we had our first boyfriend (no so much the 2nd or 3rd) because everything is new, and we are all , daydreaming, and if the boyfriend is at your school (maybe not your classroom, like it was mine) you spend a lot of time going to the bathroom, writing notes (well, this was before Twitter, and text, lol) so I am sorry if I put out there my own experience, I totally don't think I was abnormal.

[journeymom]

YoviC, I'm familiar with that phenomenom as well. I don't know which scenario is more common: grades falling or staying the same with the advent of a boyfriend/girlfriend. But I do think it's common enough that parents are familiar with it.

My older brother warned me about grades going down when I got a first boyfriend. My mom waxed poetic about the whole scenario. I think it's understandable if a mother is perhaps a little concerned about her child's grades when they get a first beau.

[Lucy&Jude'sMama]

My parents set a rule of no dating till I was 16. I started having sex at 13 and sneaking around with guys. I never dated even as an adult because I never learned how to date and about appropriate dating.

I think group dating would have been a wonderful compromise. My parents ended up letting me date early on, but by that time I was already way ahead of the dating game so I didn't even bother.

Now don't freak out because I also had issues growing up and was sexually abused as a kid so I believe that was the main culprit of me being promiscuous so young... not the rule set by my parents. However, I think it escalated the problem.

What I would have wished for was more open communication regarding dating. Feeling like I could tell my mom... when I had my first kiss or celebrate meeting a new boy who I thought was cute or having help getting dressed for a date... Maybe a group date or a supervised date (movies with mom in the very back row.. pretending we don't know each other. lol) until I was 16 and could handle dating on my own.

I think compromise is wise in the world of teen dating. I think its important for teens to learn about safe and appropriate dating. As someone who totally missed out on the world of dating I really wish it wasn't a taboo when I was growing up. I wish my parents had focused on teaching me how to have a respectful date and what a date should be like. Instead it just became… “No you can’t” and so I did it anyway and ended up completely letting guys disrespect me and “dating” became “sex”.

I do agree that dating should be supervised until teens can show that they are responsible enough to handle dating so maybe this is something you can look into. Anyways that’s just my 2 cents. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[cschick]

I'm both with the group that says that you can't be sure that she was "dating" and that perhaps what you're really concerned about needs to be clarified with your daughter.

I'm going to offer a different perspective but maybe sobering here. I went to Catholic school almost my whole schooling career. I knew girls who were saddled with the "no dating" restriction. At dances and such events, they'd hook up with whatever boy was willing to hook up with them (at the event itself) and go off and fool around where they could get away with it. To their minds, they were not violating their "no dating" restriction because they weren't dating the boys, weren't even really concerned with who the boy was.

The teenaged mind is a strange place, and the justifications it can come up with even stranger.

[junipermuse]

Originally Posted by Honey693

Mine actually went up. My boyfriend was my math tutor and he was a math genius.

The same for me. I had a serious boyfriend all through high school and my grades went up when I started dating him. He was very studious and we spent lots of time studying together.

[Snuffuluffuguss]

You need to losen up a litle  just dont worry it was supervised  and this is  al coming from an 11 year old :)

[Mummoth]

Hmmm... even if her grades slip if she has a boyfriend, it would be better for that to happen sooner rather than later. When she's 16 and 17, her grades will be on her transcript for college, it makes sense for her to have learned how to balance her time between a boy and school before then, wouldn't it?

[Adaline'sMama]

Super old thread, but regardless, what I dont understand is that if the OP allows group dating at 14 and her daughter is 14 and they were at a supervised school dance with (I assume) at least 100 other teenagers, how is that not "group dating"?