Utensil sharing - gah!

[T-man's Mama]

We were recently out to dinner with some extended family. At one point, my restless 16-month-old son was picked up by my niece and situated between her and my sister. They soon proceeded to feed him bites of food from their own forks. I don't consider myself extremely phobic of germs. However, I had an strong, visceral reaction to this, which went on for several minutes. Unfortunately I just couldn't think of what to say to end the communal utensil sharing that wouldn't come off as really insulting. I know sometimes in playgroups the babies will grab each others' sippies and such, but we moms try to be on top of that, and particularly to ask permission if one child seems really attached to chewing on another's toy or whatever. But in this setting it just bothered me for some reason.

Would you be totally fine with a relative feeding your child from their spoon? If not, what would you possibly say??

[NYMommy2007]

I wouldn't love it (I am a bit of a germaphone when it comes to things like sharing saliva) however I wouldn't say anything and I don't think there is anything wrong with it besides my personal aversion.

[nd_deadhead]

I would be delighted that my extended family was playing with my son, and that my son was enjoying the attention.

DH and I don't get too excited about germs - and he's a microbiologist.

[spmamma]

It wouldn't bother me at all unless one of them was sick.

[konayossie]

I don't mind if DS shares utensils with anyone except my dad, who is immuno-compromised, but then it's for my dad's sake, not DS's. I figure he's getting worse germs than that from touching everything in sight.

[HappyMommy2]

My BIL's girlfriend does this and it totally grosses me out. I have not figured out a way to say anything yet though. At least they were kids, and perhaps not as many years to get nasty cooties....

[tbone_kneegrabber]

Does not bother me at all. We do it all the time. Heck I take bites off of other people's forks/share drinks/try a bite of a sandwich or a lick or ice cream.

Would you be upset if those same people kissed your kid? What about kissed his hand during dinner and then he proceeded to eat food with his fingers? What about your kid touching the resturant table and then eating food?

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by spmamma

It wouldn't bother me at all unless one of them was sick.

though I'm admittedly a little squeamish when it's certain people! Also freaks me out a bit when DS's little friends all share a cup or something but then I remind myself they are all drooling, hand-chewing saliva-filled messes anyway so it's not all that different

[mamazee]

wouldnt' bother me

[JessieBird]

Unless one of the people was sick, I don't think I'd even notice. I'm pretty sure my DS encounters much more/worse germs as he toddles around our own home, not to mention when he touches the back of the chair at the restaurant, or the underside of the table (ick!), etc. I'm not jumping to wash his hands every two minutes. I think that the interaction and engagement with family/friends and a healthy attitude towards food and mealtimes is more important than the risk of sharing a few germs.

If I felt the need to say something, I'd probably go at it like this, "I'm sorry, DS seems to be catching every little thing these days and I see you've got a little sniffle. Would you mind using this fresh spoon? He's having so much fun with you!" or something like that, even if the bit about DS being suseptible isn't true.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

I want to echo what the pp said about "healthly attitude towards food"

For me it is more important that my kid eats and enjoys a variety of healthy food. That is more important than: table manners, eating with *any* utensils, staying at the table, not talking with your mouth full etc etc. Now the other things are great too and we do work on them, but I want ds to *eat food* so I don't care if he eats with his hands, if he eats with my fork etc, i care that he is eating and enjoying and all that other stuff can come later.

[butterfly_mommy]

I have no problem with DS sharing utensils or cups with family or friends as long as nobody has a cold or feels one coming on. I would have been totally fine with my sister and niece feeding my DS with their utensils and actually prob wouldn't have even taken notice (I would be too busy eating in peace )

If I did feel kinda grossed out by it i would have probably said "Here DS here is your spoon." passed him or my sister a spoon. If they didn't clue in then I would say "Uhm, sister i would prefer it if DS used his own spoon" If it continued I would say "Uhm sister DS eating with your's and nieces spoon is really grossing me out" (but I have the kind of relationship with my sister and niece to say this and not offend anyone)

[T-man's Mama]

Okay, okay...so it appears that I was (inwardly) overreacting. Maybe I need to examine a little deeper and determine why I reacted that way. Part of it could be that my sis is a big smoker, and perhaps in the back of my head I was worried about nicotine particles or whatever else transferring into his mouth...ridiculous, I'm sure. And it seems like her kids are sick all the time...but they were not sick (to the best of my knowledge) during this visit.

To be sure, I *do* appreciate the fact that my extended family adores him and engages him. Especially in a restaurant, it enabled me to actually eat my own meal. And he ate a LOT of food between the two of them, which is unusual...we were laughing at how eagerly he kept turning his head back and forth. I will try to better embrace the inevitability of family living and germ sharing. Thanks for the feedback, ladies...

[mamadelbosque]

Assuming said family/friends weren't sick it wouldn't bother me in the least. But I'm highly un-germophobic and have even been known to let ds2 eat stuff he dropped on the floor...

[MissMommyNiceNice]

At a certain point, you need to make up your mind and choose your battles. I have a market stand DS1 eats food off it all the time. I'm sure DS2 will to. At a point, I just had to choose that it didn't bother me any more b/c I would have gone crazy trying to stop it.

Family feeding family is a non-issue for me. I have bigger fish to fry.

[Stephenie]

Originally Posted by spmamma

It wouldn't bother me at all unless one of them was sick.

This.

[crunchy_mommy]

My MIL smokes and she will give DS a kiss etc. so unless you can prevent even kissing, I wouldn't worry about the utensil sharing. (We don't see MIL often enough to make an issue of it but maybe if you see your sis more often you might want to broach the subject with her). I have no idea how much nicotine could transfer but I do find it gross which is one reason why I said for 'certain people' I cringe when they share utensils with DS! I don't blame you one bit!

[peainthepod]

It would totally gross me out but I would recognize it as fairly irrational and wouldn't say anything unless one of them were obviously sick or had a visible cold sore.

That said, when I was a kid, my siblings and mother all shared utensils and drinking glasses. I hated it even then and refused to share with them. They thought I was ridiculous and frequently said so, calling me prissy and such.

Well, I'm the only one who doesn't have oral herpes. But I'm sure that's just a coincidence.

[HappyMommy2]

Originally Posted by peainthepod

Well, I'm the only one who doesn't have oral herpes. But I'm sure that's just a coincidence.

I was just about to post this!!! I'm not worried about germs! I am worried about cold sores! They NEVER go away!!!

[Devaskyla]

Yes, it would bother me. That's how the bugs that cause cavities are passed. If they don't have any cavities & never have, whatever, but I've got 1 kid who's already lost 4 teeth due to poor enamel/decay and a baby who has the poor enamel & I'm trying to prevent any decay.