Thinking of giving up unschooling - Page 2

[Mizelenius]

Well, I would say maybe try school for your 2nd since you think he'd benefit. You could always pull him out again, no?

My oldest (8) is unschooled and LOVES it. Loves it. Now, she does spend a lot of time reading and likes to do academic things but never with me leading, never with anything that "looks" like school. It's all her.

My 2nd (5) asked to go to school this fall. She's the kid who didn't want to go to the activities I'd plan . . .and I'm talkin' the zoo, arboretum, the park, etc. Well, let me tell you, she LOVES it. Interestingly, she is the same as 1st DD is academically (both read fluently by the time they were 4) but 2nd DD is not bored by school the way my first one was, or at least not yet. She is thriving on the routine and structure. Frankly, I do think you can have routine and structure in an unschooling world (and that you should, if that's what the child needs) but I personally could not give that to her for many reasons, but the biggest is my 9 month old. (Happy baby but takes up all my time when we're home, which is why I'd rather be out . . .which is what my 2nd DD did not like. If we were home, then I couldn't give her structure anyway.)

I have been feeling lately, however, that even though DD1 (and 3) are fine with no structure or routine that I need it. So, we are doing really rough plans . . .zoo day on Monday, library Tuesday, Wed. a class, etc. I am also finding little (cheap) activities like a chorus, peace group for kids, and local history program for children. These are all free or low cost. The other thing I did was start a local homeschool group . . .it's small (or at least the # of people that actually show up is), but I've met some great people. I am also going to start a Roots and Shoots club. It's $50 per year but you could get everyone to chip in.

So, I say, try to be proactive . . try your 2nd in school. There will be no harm done because you could take him out if you know it's not working. He will TELL you if it's not.

[Pookietooth]

I'm thinking of giving up too. My ds still has not learned even to write his own name, can't add without using his fingers (and can't add more than single digits), and I've found that I just don't have time with a new baby to find things to strew. And he also is one of those kids who does not self-limit screen time and will stay up very late if not prompted to go to bed by me. I really wonder who these kids are who do seek out academic subjects and self-limit screen time, and actually ask to go to bed (mine has never done that, and in fact nursed to sleep or at least at bedtime right up until my most recent pregnancy). It doesn't help that my dh is ill and works long hours, and since we live in an apartment, if ds is up, he wakes up dh (turning on lights and making noises -- dh sleeps in the living room). Poor dh has been on prednisone several times this year, whereas in previous years it's probably only been every other year. This is the first year that I wasn't always able to get ds to bed before 11, due to needing to nurse dd to sleep (she is a night owl too).

[phathui5]

We don't have a lot of money to do things that aren't offered by the school board since everything is so expensive.

We do a lot of activities at the local YMCA. They have a sliding scale membership fee for people who make under a certain income. Maybe you could look into that?

[4evermom]

I'd certainly consider putting the 5 yo in school. It's a good time to try it and you can pull him back out to homeschool if you feel in a better place to do that next year.

I've got something chronic fatigue going on, too. I have to try to get enough sleep (ds is still not a sound or independent sleeper). I used to nap with ds when he napped, the luxury of one child... I like to have a schedule where we go out one day and stay home the next. Our standing playdate switched days on us so it's a little draining now with our two main things back to back. But we don't feel good if we stay home all week, either.

It was enough of a drain for me when dh's arm was broken over the winter and me with only one child!

Originally Posted by Pookietooth

he also is one of those kids who does not self-limit screen time and will stay up very late if not prompted to go to bed by me. I really wonder who these kids are who do seek out academic subjects and self-limit screen time, and actually ask to go to bed (mine has never done that, and in fact nursed to sleep or at least at bedtime right up until my most recent pregnancy).

My guy does self limit but I do give him a little guidance, as well. He tends to play computer games when he doesn't have other options (sometimes he does legos instead but more often he's on the computer). I plan things for a couple of days a week (parkday and playdate) and sometimes there are other fun things to do on other days. I kind of just tell him what the plan is, but the plan is with his interests in mind and I wouldn't make him do them. I might, however, say "we'll just go and see what it's like and come home if we don't like it." (Oh so much easier with a car! We've been carless before. Ds does not enjoy public transportation and would rather stay home than spend an hour each way to get somewhere. It's really the coming home when he is tired that's the problem.)

I've been telling ds it's bedtime, lately. We've already established that he can go to bed when he wants. He does tell me it's time for bed at times, as well. He generally likes to go to bed when I do (he nursed until a pretty "old" age, too) but is sometimes engrossed with a game or doing something with dh. Now, my saying "it's bedtime" means "if you want me to read to you, come soon before I'm too tired to read." We've been reading 1-2 hours a night these days. He's really interested in the Animorphs book series and I don't mind reading them. Lots of action and dialogue so they aren't tedious to read out loud. There have been times when we've done very little bedtime reading.

So what I'm getting at is I do quite a bit of guidance with my ds. He doesn't have limits or a bedtime. But he isn't going through life with no suggestions from me, either. He used to need more guidance with eating and I'll still bring him a snack if he's involved with something. He was never good about realizing he was hungry so I had to be really proactive about feeding him when he was younger.

Our RUing and not having limits doesn't mean I'm asking ds what his preference is about every little thing. It doesn't mean he doesn't have to be considerate of people who are sleeping. I might ask him what he wants to eat for dinner or I might just declare this is what I'm making (something he thinks is edible though it might not be his favorite thing). I do think some people overthink it and worry about whether they are doing it "right." If everyone is relatively happy, and treating each other mostly respectfully (I have low expectations when ds is tired) we're doing it right enough.

[sapphire_chan]

Your husband has been in the hospital for awhile? Could your ds's apathy about learning be related to general depression over his dad being ill? Videogames are escapism.

I would expect the situation to take it's toll on both of you. How long is dh expected to be in the hospital? Could you declare a vacation for the duration?

Him wanting to go to school could be related to wanting to get away from the stress of home. As you're stressed and not feeling like doing the household activities, he may be picking up on that and tuning out as well.

My inclination is to tell you to sit down with your ds and figure out what needs to happen at a minimum to keep life bearable in your house. E.g. food prepared, dishes and clothes cleaned, trash dealt with. Then work together to get those things done and give yourselves permission to release all other projects for a time.

[greenthumb3]

A wise person once told me: Take what works and leave the rest.

I consider our main way of learning at home 'unschooling', in that we generally follow our interests and learn from the world around us.

But we do have a time in the morning when about 15-20 minutes are spent doing some studying together 'a la Charlotte Mason'.
Parent-directed! It works for us.


I use Ambleside Online year 1 for my almost-8-year-old son. His 5 year old brother joins in for writing when he wants to.
We do table time at home each morning.

It looks like this:

I read a poem from a book I have while my oldest copies several words which I have already written in his 'writing folder'--lined paper in a three prong folder.
(This morning it was : window, dog, cat, lion)
Then, he listens as I read the selection for that day from the AO reading list
(usually while walking around or bopping about in the same room but rarely holding still! It's ok! young boys do that).
I briefly pause and he tells me back in his own words what he heard.
Today I read to him a story about Regulus from 50 Famous Stories Retold.
(free but cost of printing from online source)

That's it. That's our morning time.

If it is one of those days where the boys don't already have projects in the works (like Legos and video games or watching MythBusters online or wanting to invite friends over), I might pick up a book with ideas to do do some easy science (baking soda and vinegar) or they pick a game for us to play. Or we walk to a nearby park to play. I might bring a homeschooling or other magazine to keep me company. I mentally check off my "engaged the kids moment" for the day, which frees me from any guilt about us all going our separate ways while I sew or read or do housework and they do their thing. I can relax b/c some of the needs have been met first thing in the day. It is provides us all a framework for further study later on as my son(s) matures and is ready for it.

There are plenty of days where the rest of the day is spent on the computer or playing. I am okay with this.

I do admit I have younger brothers who live nearby, so when my DH is gone for work (he is gone for a week at a time), I enlist the uncles' help to come and engage the boys. Boys need that from time to time!! (someone besides Mom) My youngest brother is here right now. That's why I am here typing this ;-)

I don't know how you could fill that need, but making friends with other families with children near the same ages nearby and trading play dates has met that need for us when we lived away from family. It is not logical to assume having two extra bodies in the house might make my life better, but the kids kept each other busy playing and that's what they needed and sometimes they would go over to their friends' homes and give me the much needed break, too.

Sometimes one of the best things I have done for myself is to relieve myself of all the burden of high expectations and realize that while a small number of things could be tweaked to improvement, most of the time we are doing alright. Give yourself the credit you deserve! Parenting fulltime is not an easy thing to do and you have been doing this. Your kids are fortunate to have you for their Mom.
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[greenthumb3]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Your husband has been in the hospital for awhile? Could your ds's apathy about learning be related to general depression over his dad being ill? Videogames are escapism.

I would expect the situation to take it's toll on both of you. How long is dh expected to be in the hospital? Could you declare a vacation for the duration?

Him wanting to go to school could be related to wanting to get away from the stress of home. As you're stressed and not feeling like doing the household activities, he may be picking up on that and tuning out as well.

My inclination is to tell you to sit down with your ds and figure out what needs to happen at a minimum to keep life bearable in your house. E.g. food prepared, dishes and clothes cleaned, trash dealt with. Then work together to get those things done and give yourselves permission to release all other projects for a time.

I like this advice, too. Sage.

OP: Re-evaluate for your situation now. There is always time later to 'catch up' on academic things if that's your main concern. Have you read any experiences of other homeschoolers who also dealt with sick loved ones? I know there was one in Home Education Magazine. You could do a google search for how homeschooling can helpful during a loves ones long-term illness. I just thought maybe reading about someone else who has BTDT might help you feel better about your own situation or give you some ideas to consider.
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[Devaskyla]

I was just re-reading this thread and wanted to thank everyone again.

I did end up putting ds2 into kindergarten for a few months, but it really didn't work. He was miserable. The teacher was annoyed because he was exhausted for the first half of the morning (sadly there was no afternoon class) and kept telling us to make sure he got enough sleep. Not like I can force him to sleep and we were sending him to bed at 9, but he wasn't going to sleep until 1 or later. Hardly surprising he fought like crazy when I tried to get him up at 7. He did like the other kids and the craft stuff, but he just wanted to be at home.

We've been encouraging/forcing ds1 to do more "school" stuff this year. We still don't do as much as a lot of people, but he's been very, very slowly working his way through a math workbook, he's reading a chapter book (a Terry Pratchett one for kids) and we had him take an exam to get an idea where he's at with his reading & writing (he's a tiny bit behind, but only by a grade, which is impressive when he didn't write anything until this year). He really enjoys the Brainpop site, which our school has a membership to.

And it turns out that a lot of my mental fogginess/lack of energy were from thyroid issues. Despite being in the "normal" range, I convinced my dr to put me on meds because by Christmas I was barely functional and by April I'd gained a whopping 30lbs in 4 months. So, I'm still tired now, but after  about 1 1/2 months on meds, my weight stabilized & even started going back down & I started coming out of the fog.

I really appreciate the help & suggestions

[ReadingMama]

I'm glad you got things figured out.  Thanks for the update!  (I haven't been on MDC for months, so I just now read your update!)  I'd love to be one of those super confident unschooling moms, but I gotta say, I'm more of a reluctant unschooler.  And that's not because I don't think it works--it's because I don't enjoy ambiguity and uncertainty and waiting and seeing! 

I do enjoy not having to do a lot of boring school-related work though!