What to tell ds' teacher when he misses class for psychiatry appts?

[lilgreen]

I FINALLY got ds (8.5) to start seeing a psychiatrist. She diagnosed him with anxiety disorder NOS, which essentially just means that he exhibits many anxiety symptoms, but they don't fit any other specific anxiety disorder. Basically, he loses it big time and become violent to himself, me and increasingly his brothers, but he's always so remorseful afterwards. I say finally because this has been going on forever and also because it takes a while to get into see a psychiatrist (in Canada they're free - part of our healthcare - which also means that it takes a while). She will be doing cognitive behavioural therapy with him twice a month. I'm so relieved.

Now my problem is that because he doesn't do any of these bad things at school (it's only ever with me), I don't want his teachers to know because I don't want them to make any subconscious judgments of him, particularly since he starts a new school this fall. The only appointments we could get were every second Tuesday at 10am, so I will need to tell him teacher something. What do you suggest?

Thanks!!!

[StephandOwen]

The teacher doesn't need to know anything other than "ds has a doctor appointment". If you want to say therapist instead then that's fine.

The teacher would be way overstepping boundaries to ask for details.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

"ds has monthly appointments and will be late every second tuesday, I'm sorry if this is inconvient. Please let me know what will be going on Tuesday mornings so that we make sure he is keeping up/getting all the work. If we need to set up a time for him to make up work/tests let me know asap and I will make sure we are available."

[Cujobunny]

Yes I agree that just stating he has dr's appts will be sufficient. She doesn't need to know what type of dr.

[staceychev]

ITA but...

in the state I live in (NJ) students are only allowed a certain amount of absent time (lates accrue into absent days) without doctor's notes before the school is forced to retain them or require summer school. A doctor's note gets around these absences. The concern that I would have is if you're getting a doctor's note that it shows what kind of doc your son is visiting.

You may want to check with the school nurse. It may be that you can share the info, in a non-specific manner ("DS is having issues with anxiety" that we wanted to address), with the principal, or the nurse, or someone who isn't going to disclose to the teachers, and the notes can go to that person if necessary.

[Joyster]

A psychiatrist is a doctor, no need to elaborate on what type of doctor they are.

[mamazee]

"Ds has a doctor's appointment every month." No more information is necessary.

[staceychev]

Originally Posted by Joyster

A psychiatrist is a doctor, no need to elaborate on what type of doctor they are.

Not sure if you're responding to my post, but docs often have their specialization on their "notepads."

[Boot]

I just want to say that, as a teacher, I would find it very helpful to know if a child was seeing a psychiatrist and I would keep it in complete confidence if asked to. Although your child isn't acting out at school I think the more you can get everyone on the same page to help him the better it will be for him. Of course, I am presupposing that the teachers/ school have a reasonable level of integrity and compassion. His anxiety may manifest itself in other ways at school and the psychiatrist may want to talk to his teachers and/or observe him in class. I realise that this is a new school but I hope you will find yourself able to trust them with this information.

If not, then I think 'doctor's appointment' with a note if necessary would be sufficient.

[Joyster]

Originally Posted by staceychev

Not sure if you're responding to my post, but docs often have their specialization on their "notepads."

No, not responding to your post at all. To be honest, I didn't even read anyone posts but the OP. *g*

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by staceychev

ITA but...

in the state I live in (NJ) students are only allowed a certain amount of absent time (lates accrue into absent days) without doctor's notes before the school is forced to retain them or require summer school. A doctor's note gets around these absences. The concern that I would have is if you're getting a doctor's note that it shows what kind of doc your son is visiting.

At ds's school I can turn in the note to the office (there's a box right by the sign in sheet). So when I sign ds in after an early morning appointment I can put his dr excuse there. The teacher never sees it and I'm sure the office staff doesn't care what kind of dr he was at.

[zinemama]

I would tell her the truth. Why not? You say he doesn't display any of these behaviors at school, so what's the big deal. As a former teacher, I would absolutely keep that information confidential.

[SubliminalDarkness]

If you don't want the teacher to know, it would work fine to say, "He has a doctor's appointment." And I would turn any doctor's notes into the office, and the teacher would likely not even see those because the attendance office would be handling it.

[Oubliette8]

When I've had to get work notes from a psychiatrist, they actually had a second note pad that did not list their specialty and they used that. They were very sensitive to the fact that some people wouldn't want their boss/school/ etc to know they were seeing a psychiatrist. I would ask if they have an unmarked pad or letterhead for you.

As far as what to tell the school "DS has a doctors appointment" If they ask, tell them there is no other time available, and if they inquire what for, just say "He has some health issues that require treatment" All of that is true, it just leaves out the specific details.

[pranamama]

Do you have mandated attendance? If so you may want to have some sort of notations made in your childs records (Iep) that exempt the absences. Otherwise, I think if your pediatrician is in favor of the therapy, he or she could write the note to notify the school.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by Boot

I just want to say that, as a teacher, I would find it very helpful to know if a child was seeing a psychiatrist and I would keep it in complete confidence if asked to. Although your child isn't acting out at school I think the more you can get everyone on the same page to help him the better it will be for him. Of course, I am presupposing that the teachers/ school have a reasonable level of integrity and compassion. His anxiety may manifest itself in other ways at school and the psychiatrist may want to talk to his teachers and/or observe him in class. I realise that this is a new school but I hope you will find yourself able to trust them with this information.

If not, then I think 'doctor's appointment' with a note if necessary would be sufficient.

I would Feel comfortable sharing this information with any teacher I felt comfortable leaving my child with in the first place. Also, she may just find out about it from your DS. I wouldn't want to tell my child that he needed to hide this information, it isn't something I would want him to feel ashamed of.

[Lilypie32]

I would just inform the school he has a doctors appointment. They might need proof if he has more than the normal amount of absences but no one needs to know what kind of doctor, etc.

[zebra15]

I agree with the other, 'dr appt'. Psych is a Dr. The teacher doesnt care what type of dr he is seeing and wont hold it against him but sharing that info could be helpful. He could be showing other signs in the classroom that no one has picked up on in the past but with the knowledge DS is being treated for anxiety the teacher may connect some dots and realize something else is off or wrong, ya know?

[ecoteat]

I'm a teacher and I love and care for each of my students dearly (yes, even the hormonal 13 year old ones!). If one of my students was missing class for something so important that it required twice-monthly appointments, I would feel like I should be included in that information. Maybe it's just me, but I think my role in my students' lives is pretty important, and it helps me understand and relate to them better if parents can trust me with that kind of information.

A few years ago a 4th grader's parents were beginning a divorce. They were very much in a discreet trial-separation mode, but they felt it was important I know about it in case I did see anything off with their child. They hadn't told anyone else about their impending divorce, but understood that there may be subtle behavior changes in their son that I should have some background info to help me understand what was going on with him. On the other hand, there have been times that I learn about important things going on with a kid way after the fact that answer unanswered questions. In those cases, it would have been much easier for me to connect with the kid if I had known in the first place.

I would recommend being honest with the teacher and starting the new year with a feeling of trust and collaboration regarding your child's education and emotional well-being.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by zinemama

I would tell her the truth. Why not? You say he doesn't display any of these behaviors at school, so what's the big deal. As a former teacher, I would absolutely keep that information confidential.

People discriminate - often - against people who use psychiatric services. I understand why some people aren't comfortable, given the treatment & snubs I've received when people find out I've been treated for psychiatric problems.